OUTERFUCKINGSPACE MA (ABSNN) - Republican Presidential nominee Mitt Romney attacked President Obama's Cairo Embassy personnel who stated that the Anti-Muslim media blitz (that movie-that Florida preacher who burned the Koran) was causing hurt feelings among the Muslim faithful.
Romney claimed that Obama's administration was apologizing (for what, exactly?) to the rioters who were burning the American flag and who had just killed the US Ambassador to Libya in the attack on the Benghazi consulate--as if the two incidents happened at the same time.
"The remarks by the Cairo Embassy staff were made hours before the attacks upon that embassy," said officals and were "intended to calm angry Arabs in the streets of Cairo."
"Mr. Romney is off by several hours. Apparently he thought the remarks were made during the attacks," embassy staff continued.
"Well, they did not happen at the same time--but hours apart. The Ambassador was killed, along with two former US Navy Seals several hours earlier than the first attacks upon the Cairo Embassy.
"Yes, yes, I got the time frame wrong," Romney admitted. "But dammit, Obama is a Muslim; we all know it."
Asked how Obama's faith could possibly cloud the issue, Romney quickly pointed to his own Mormon faith as "being the only totally American, home-grown faith in the world. We may wear funny underwear, but we do not wear rags on our heads," he said.
He was then asked how his faith could possibly have any bearing upon the embassy attacks. He had no immediate answer.
Romney promised the press that he would take a pro-active stance in dealing with future Obama gaffes.
"From this point onward, I am going to anticipate Obama, and accuse him ahead of time of things that have not yet happened, but will happen, you just watch and see," he screamed.
Romney was asked for an example of his pro-active predictions and he hesitated for a moment and then said: "Obama will announce that he is moving the US capitol to Mecca on September 42, 2012." (Is that Capitol or Capital?)
A reporter reminded Romney of the kids rhyme: Thirty days has September...
"Yes, yes, I got the time off by a few days, but Obama is a Muslim; I'm a Mormon; that's what counts. You'll never hear me making stupid statements!"
