Greeks hold a competition to name their new currency
With the news that they will be thrown out of the Euro, the Greeks now have the decision to make of what to call their new currency. "We could go back to the Drachma," said head of the Greek Mint, Polo Trebor. "It's got bad memories though." In...
Read full storySudden blaze as Mrs Thatcher's knickers catch fire amid 'Mikhail Gorbachev RIP' hoax
London - Firemen fought for half an hour tonight before ripping the smouldering garment off the ex-PM's arse. A sudden flare-up of spontaneous combustion saw her Marks N Sparks knicks burst into flame just as news of the former Soviet President's...
Read full storyScientists capture an ideatron at work
"Many people have asked 'where do ideas come from?'," said professor of improbable physics, professor Welton Wobury at Keele University. "We know now." According to Wobury, when people wearing synthetic fibres walk on carpets made from synthetic f...
Read full storyPyongyang Philharmonic to serenade Queen's Jubilee flotilla
London - They've hired the souped up remains of the dredger Bowbelle that did for the tragic Marchioness in August 1989. A lick of paint and some shiny new trimmings completes the makeover much like the Spirit of Chartwell that's been hired by Tor...
Read full storyJets Scrambled As Passenger Unfastened Seat Belt To Use Bathroom
Six F-15 fighter jets were scrambled yesterday to escort a transatlantic flight diverted amid a passenger's suspicious behaviour, say US officials. The plane was due to land in Miami, Florida, but was sent over 5000 miles away to San Diego. The...
Read full storyTrapdoor found under Dorking Swimming Pool
Maintenance crews repairing the hairline fracture in Dorking Swimming Pool have discovered a large trapdoor leading to previously undiscovered underground chambers. "The pool was constructed originally in 1870," said pool manager, Captain Jeremiah...
Read full storyEddie Stobart lands outer-space trucking contract!
Eddie Stobart has conquered the UK, Ireland and Europe and now the company plans to conquer outer-space! A latest space-probe bringing goods to the space station was done by a private logistic company and that has opened the floodgates for private co...
Read full storyGordon Brown discovered as pilot of Venus Express
A Government source has disclosed that Gordon Brown MP for Kirkcaldy and Cowdenbeath has reported back from the Venusian Equator using near-infrared observations collected by the Venus Monitoring Camera(VMC); His geological features were revealed...
Read full storyThe LaLaLand Lakers Are Eliminated From The Playoffs By The Oklahoma City Thunder 106-90 - Kobe Bryant Blames Everyone Including The Game Announcers
OKLAHOMA CITY - The Lakers and the Thunder battled it out but after the Oklahoma dust settled the ones that were still standing were the young guns from Oklahoma City. According to Rufus Reno with Sports Balls Illustrated Weekly the likes of the "...
Read full storyInsomniac William 'spent the night tossing and turning' before nuptials
London - Press-ganged by the Tories into wedlock last year Prince William has spoken about his eve-of-wedding nightmare. The terrifying dream saw a Royal Protection Racket minder warn him the 'daft Italian gold-digger' wife would spend a fortune d...
Read full storyQueen Endorses new Anti-Social Act
A trusted adviser to the Buckingham Palace has said that the Queen has sent Hubby the Duke of Edinburgh on a fact finding tour to a resident meeting in Hulme, Manchester; It is thought he will be acting as a thug to test the 6 new streamlined pow...
Read full storyMan Forces Obese Women to Exercise at Gunpoint
SYDNEY: Australian fitness fanatic, Koen Verelst, is wanted for questioning after forcing at least 3 or 4 obese women to exercise at gunpoint. It is thought that Vereslt, now on the run, approached the group as they were exiting a local Mcdonalds.
Read full storySmart As A Fox, part II
Some phone calls are disturbing. We say hello and wait for the coin to drop. 'Is this XYZ?' 'Yes!' 'Your girlfriend's not feeling well. Could you come over? Who am I? I'm a Samaritan. Who? Forget it. I'm a passerby. I simply wanna help the woman. Excuse me. What's my name? I see. What's her name? OK. She says Maria. Maria Smith wants to talk to you. Hold on.' 'Hello? Maria. What's goi...
Read full storyBrandon Bass: Neither Fish Nor Foul
Rajon Rondo went Bass fishing in playoff Game 5 against the Sixers. And, he caught a whopper. For those who had been hoping and expecting a game to be won by those who are not necessarily going to the Hall of Fame, Brandon Bass provided the ans...
Read full storyHuge indifference greets Gordon Brown cumshot auction
Relatives of former UK Prime Minister Gordon Brown have expressed complete indifference after a vial containing a sample of his semen was put on sale in an online auction. UK-based PFC Auctions says the spunk was taken from Brown in 2009 in order...
Read full storyReggie Kray Honeymoon Photos Surface At Auction
Previously unseen photographs of Reggie Kray's honeymoon have surfaced at an East London auction house. Speculation is rife that the lot of three snaps could achieve a price of £8.50 plus VAT and postage & packing. Eric Nonce, managing directo...
Read full storyQuentin Kelp MP - Your elected member
Dear constituents of mine, I have had a most hectic day. It took Anthea (my PA) and me three hours to remove the Black Sabbath ring tone from my Blackberry and upload something more pleasant on the ear. Anthea likes the classics so we managed to find a snippet from someone called Wagner. I had always thought Wagner was a sort of cider but Anthea told me he was a German composer of some reput...
Read full storyWest Ham Trounce Chelsea
Chelsea fans were angry at West Hamm gaining all the publicity for their play off win at Wembley resulting in the Hammers returning to the Premiership just when Chelsea had won the European Championship. Hammers fans explained that although they w...
Read full storyCameron's Amazing Feet
After David Cameron had put his foot in it several times recently we can now report on more amazing feets by the Prime Minister. First of all he has sorted out the Greek people, who were clearly in need of expert advice. 'Make up your minds you stupid Geeks' he exclaimed when making his unique contribution to the Greek election - the clever humour whereby Cameron replaced Greek by Geek produce...
Read full storyCharles Barkley Says That The Rumors That He and John Travolta Vacationed Together Down In Rio De Janeiro Are Totally False
ATLANTA - There is no one on American television who seems to put his foot in his mouth more than Charles "The Round Mound of Rebound" Barkley who is a sports analyst on the TNT Network. Sir Charles, as his maid Rondella Floetta Jefferson calls hi...
Read full storyJP Morgan begging
NEW YORK - JP Morgan issued a press release at a press conference today stating that they had to stop buying anything. This has nothing to do with the fact that they lost billions of dollars, the exact amount unknown. CEO, JD, stated that the re...
Read full storyCurling Championship Throws a Major Wrench into Staples Center NBA and NHL playoffs
It seemed like a good idea at the time. The NBA basketball lockout was in its 5 week and going nowhere. The CEO's of the L.A. Arena Company which owns Staples Center were visionalizing losing .0005 percent of their wealth, so to hedge their los...
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