Smart As A Fox, part II

Funny story written by walter

Tuesday, 22 May 2012

Some phone calls are disturbing. We say hello and wait for the coin to drop.

'Is this XYZ?'


'Your girlfriend's not feeling well. Could you come over? Who am I? I'm a Samaritan. Who? Forget it. I'm a passerby. I simply wanna help the woman. Excuse me. What's my name? I see. What's her name? OK. She says Maria. Maria Smith wants to talk to you. Hold on.'

'Hello? Maria. What's going on? Where are you? Not home? What do you mean not home. Who called you? Your daughter from your Ex? You wanted to secretly visit her. Ok. I see. Your Ex won't allow it. Stick to the point. What is the matter? Ok. Now, tell me what's going on. Who was this Samaritan man? Already left? Was he your Ex? What do you mean 'No'? Then, who is feeling bad, you or you daughter? Both? OK. What's wrong with you? A car hit you and ran away while you were closing your car door? Where are you now? On the pavement? Badly hurt. Coming. Pass the phone to a passerby to tell me where you are…

Excuse me ma'am, this woman is my girlfriend. I did not abandon her. Please, we don't have time for this now. Please. Listen! Oh, ***t. Give me the name of the street so that I can come and take her to a hospital. I know you cannot help an injured person. Yes, I'm aware of the complications. Just give the name of the street. You're right. Street have no names. Are you local? No! Then ask someone who's local…Thank you.

Well, if I could run for an hour, it was quicker than driving. When I reached the place, found her pale and sprawling on the tarmac, leaning on her car, facing the sidewalk. There was no room for me to park. Left the engine running and rushed to her. Picked her up. Drivers were madly honking. To hell with them. Dragged her to my car. Some people stood there watching, as if watching a video clip.

Now, I asked my girlfriend if her car was locked. She passed the car key. Now I remembered to ask if she had anything valuable in the car. She said not to worry. Her purse was already snatched. Of course, with all her cash. I knew the traffic police would soon tow away the car. And a lot of headaches. Yes, I know, we may not see the same car. Cannibalized.

While driving as if in hell, asked drivers where I could find the closest hospital. No. No. Not for the rich. Yah, yah. I mean the one who accepts insured patients. That's good. Oh, hell. Your insurance-booklet is at home. All right. I take you to the emergency and while you sit there for hours, I go home and get the booklet. Are you sure it was not in your stolen purse? Good.

Back to emergency room. She is still there, half fainted. For two hours. Well, why should they treat her. She had no insurance. Who's going to pay the bill? In pain? To hell with pain. Now, the tedious in-processing began. X-rays taken. Broken foot bone. 26 bones? You must be kidding! Tarsals, metatarsals, phalanges. Honey I did not know you were so boney! What do you mean her ball is badly damaged. I thought only men have balls. Of course, I don't have balls. If I had I would not be sitting here. Alright. Go on. What you going to do. What do you mean nothing? You don't have what? Podiatrists? Orthopaedic doctors. We are finished here.

Now, someone whispered in my ear: Ask them to give her a plaster cast, before taking her away. Yes, I know about medicine. Went back to the emergency room and said, you need to give her a plaster cast. Yes, I will find another hospital. Yes, I thank you for the x-rays.

Looked at my watch. Almost a day. It was mid-afternoon. Now, I had some time to review the whole incidence. I don't know why my mind was focusing on bone setters of the past. For thousands of years, with so many injuries happening to man and animals. Bone-setters!

(To be continued)

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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