Drought Scare Exposed - All Bollocks
Recent scare stories about the imminent arid conditions to affect Southern England may be false - according to Wiltshire plumber, Tommy Gripefuttock. "Hosepipe ban - fuck off", expostulates Tommy. Mr Gripefuttock explains thus - "The aquifers a...Read full story
Ready for Leveson
David Cameron and his friends, Andy Coulson, Rebekah Brooks and Jeremy Hunt are confident that they will convince everyone that they had nothing to do with Hacking at the News of the World. Several assistants have been earmarked for special missio...Read full story
Sarkozy lost because he preferred German black bread to baguettes!
The French presidential election has ended with the French going slightly left instead of right causing quite an upset amongst its European neighbours. Sarkozy admitted defeat gracefully to his opponent, Hollanda (Who's actually Double Dutch), apo...Read full story
Mitt Romney is a Celtic
Mitt Romney continues to barnstorm the Boston sports teams, though lining up the votes of these millionaire athletes may be next to impossible. Despite the fact that most of the Celtics players have attended fund raisers for the likely opponent of...Read full story
Celebrity Apprentice - Donald Trump Fires Lisa Lampanelli, AKA "The Crying Pit Bull"
MANHATTAN - The Celebrity Apprentice is now down to three contestants as the latest celeb to hear those two dreaded little words "You're fired" from Donald Trump was the overweight, stand up, insult comedian Lisa Lampanelli. During her stay on the...Read full story
New French President named after English girls' public school
Paris - The Francis Holland School's motto 'That our daughters may be as the polished corners of the Temple' is something of a puzzle the Elysee Palace said today. But it does nothing to dispel the 'champagne socialist' tag about President Francoi...Read full story
Mitt Romney Comments On The New Marvel Super Heroes Film "The Avengers"
CHICAGO - GOP presidential front runner Mitt Romney and his wife Ann attended a showing of the new super heroes film The Avengers. The blockbuster movie broke the all-time opening weekend record with ticket sales of over $200 million. After vie...Read full story
The Exploding Butler of Hump Hall, Part I
'That was the local force from Rottingdean', said Inspector Dirk 'Cast Iron' Alibi; 'the butler has exploded at Hump Hall and they're calling the Yard in to investigate.' Inspector Corner, of the Yard, placed the receiver down and turned to Detective Pong, "We got to go and investigate an exploding Butler at Hump Hall in Sussex Pong. "Where's Sussex Pong Sir?" asked the Detective. "No Pon...Read full story
Ross Kemps Nan World Snooker Round-up: Day 16 - Final
So today is the first day of the All-Essex Final, between 'Rocket' Ronnie O'Sullivan and Ali Carter 'the unstoppable snooker machine'. Ronnie reached the final beating three previous world champs in the first three rounds - Peter Ebdon 10-4, Mark Williams 13-6, and Neil Roberston 13-10. In the semi-final he beat Matthew Stevens 17-10. After a convincing 10-2 win over Mark Davis in the first...Read full story
Wayne Rooney named new horse after Pippa Middleton 'before realising it was a colt not a filly'
Manchester - "Saw its backside, like, and had to call it Pippy," was the lame explanation ahead of the two year-old's debut at Chester racecourse on Wednesday. The Australian Exceed And Excel-sired colt out of US mare Night Shift was snapped up by...Read full story
Red Sox Win Oscar for Lost Weekend
The last time the Red Sox were this bad during a weekend of baseball at Fenway Park, Ray Milland won an Oscar for The Lost Weekend. For those who missed Milland's only great performance, he played an alcoholic who experiences Delirium Tremens as o...Read full story
Intelligent Design want a change to the order of lessons
New research in cognitive behaviour has shown that the order in which we learn affects what we learn. "We believe that maths is deliberately taught before religious education," said Michael Beye, spokesman for the Discovery Institute, the militant...Read full story
Augurs Tell the Tale of Rondo and Pierce
When a long-time fan asks us, how do you know whether the Celtics can win the game? We answer (brimming with considerable confidence) after making precise observations and logical deductions. In the first five minutes, all answers are available.Read full story
Would you visit movie museums?
Lately museums have been keen to attract broader audiences and they have increasingly been using popular culture to do this. Movies are an obvious source for audience development. Yes, there are movie museums but no specialist ones. Here are a few suggestions with some suggested marketing slogans: The Godfather Museum - A visit you can't refuse The Terminator Museum - You'll be back The Gone...Read full story
Lost Parakeet Tweets His Home Address, Starts Trend
No, NOT on Twitter. In person! Here's the scoop. A lost pet parakeet in Japan was recently brought home when he was able to "tell" (well actually tweet) police where he lived. A happy ending! But it turns out that was just the beginning. A Spoof reporter who has recently interviewed (in bird talk, of course!) a group of birds has discovered that the lost parakeet's act has inspired a num...Read full story
Shakira and Sofia Vergara Will Both Be Guest Chefs On Gordon Ramsay's "Hell's Kitchen"
LOS ANGELES - The executives of Hell's Kitchen have announced that two of Colombia's top exports Shakira and Sofia Vergara will be appearing on an upcoming episode of Chef Gordon Ramsay's show. Dryden B. Von Normandy, a spokesperson for HK, spoke...Read full story
George Clooney Confesses To President Obama That Girlfriend Stacy Keibler Could Very Well Be The "One"
WASHINGTON, D.C. - George Clooney was in the nation's capital where he was meeting with President Obama regarding a big celebrity fundraiser that is being planned for LaLaLand. Clooney was given a personal tour of the White House by the president.Read full story
"If Men Want To Satisfy Ladies Sexually, They Should Do It Like Beethoven" - Says Local Man
Local man - and idiot held in the lowest esteem by all who know him - Martin Shuttlecock, today divulged what he considers to be the key to a successful sex life for men who really want to please the lady in their life - as opposed to just knocking o...Read full story
Dirty Limericks by Angry Feminist Lesbians
The Spoof's limericks column has been popular with lad readers, but criticism has come from certain other quarters over what some perceive as sexist elements. In the interest of fairness and constructive criticism we present what we are told will be a humorous and thoughtful rebuttal from Val-Grace MacDorkin, a prominent spokesperson on women's issues: You've come here for dirty humor, haven't...Read full story
Charles Barkley Reportedly Admits He'd Like To Go Out With Patricia Krentcil, Alias "Tanorexic Woman"
NEW YORK CITY - TNT sports announcer Charles Barkley, who is known as "The Round Mound of Rebound," was spotted at New York's The Plastered Platypus Lounge. Sir Charles, as he prefers to be called, was sitting with an unidentified male friend who...Read full story
"The Avengers" Opens To A $200 Million Weekend Take To Break The All-Time Record - Scarlett Johansson Talks About Some of The Film's Goofs
HOLLYWOOD - The Avengers opened at movie theaters and scored extremely big at the box office breaking the all-time weekend take at over $200 million. The Marvel superhero movie literally left every other movie at the starting gate. One of the f...Read full story
Japan Melts Down... Blubber?
TOKYO (SAPP) - After many years of international pressure to stop whaling, sources close to the prime minister of Japan, Yoshihiko Noda, have admitted that whaling has become a vital source of energy for the country. Members of Mr. Noda's inner circl...Read full story
Wife Swapping Mating Service Being Considered
Baltimore MD: A demonstration by several women's groups occurred outside of Datebook Corporation's executive offices to protest the social network giant's decision to expand their business to include adult married men mating services. Datebook is...Read full story