Olly's Peri-Peri Folly
Olly Murs was mincing with joy last night as he discovered the chicken kings Nando's have named their new sauce after him. The new "weak, bland and totally not gay" flavour goes on sale next week. The sauce witch tastes exactly like the back of the c...
Read full storyJust Exactly Whose Heart Was Transplanted Into Dick Cheney's Chest?
News information services have informed us that former President-Of-Vice Dick Cheney has had a heart transplant. The former Halliburton head man had to wait almost two years to get his new ticker because of the difficulty of finding a heart evil...
Read full storyArchaeologists Discover French Toast Flavored Pop-Tarts
NEVADA-In what is already being hailed around the world as the find of the century, a team of archaeologists in Nevada have discovered the previously believed-to-be-extinct flavor of French Toast Pop-Tarts on a local grocery store shelf. Dr. Doug...
Read full story"Cameron's A Lying Bastard" - Asserts Yorkshireman
West Yorkshire real gravy campaigner, and pie and pastie VAT rebel, Ken Mither, today renounced Prime Sinister David Cameron, claiming that the PM's claims of eating a Cornish pastie at Leeds railway station was "a load of utter bollocks." Mr Mith...
Read full storyLocal Man Panics - Amasses Huge Stockpile Of Pies, Pasties And Belgian Lager
Local man, Martin Shuttlecock today announced that in order to keep up with panic buying in the UK - just in case something happens - he has spent the last three hours panic buying pies, pasties and Belgian lager across virtually every supermarket in...
Read full storyHabitable Super-Earths found circling Red Dwarfs; Virgin Airways are now taking bookings!
Super-Earths orbiting red dwarf stars have been discovered and on hearing this brand new discovery, Virgin Airways has set up a hot-line for people interested in moving to some of them. They are planning regular flights to the planets and Pickford...
Read full storyWal-Mart to run for President!!
Mike Duke, President and CEO of the Wal-Mart Corporation held a news conference this morning and announced to a stunned press corps that his corporation will run for President of the United States! Duke started his statement by saying, "Corporatio...
Read full storyNew Life-Essential Vitamin Discovered - Vitamin Q, Found Only in Water Chestnuts
Scientists have discovered a previously unknown and highly essential vitamin, vitamin Q, which is reportedly found only in water chestnuts. "Vitamin Q is absolutely and utterly vital to life," stated nutritional expert Dr. Anders Chase in a presen...
Read full storyDancing With The Stars Eliminates Martina Navratilova: Tony Dovolani Complains That Derek Hough and Mark Ballas Always Get The Prettiest or Best Celebrity Partners
HOLLYWOOD - Season 14 of Dancing With The Stars has sent the first celebrity packing. And that dreaded distinction this season goes to tennis legend Martina Navratilova. Navratilova's legendary tennis back swing did not help her one bit in dancing...
Read full storyObama Secret Service Entourage to Use Nissan Leafs to Battle High Gas Prices, Sneak out of Town Easier
In order to battle the high price of gasoline US President, Barack Obama, announced that his entire entourage of Secret Service Agents and Twitter advisors have replaced all of the current Secret Service vehicles with the fully electric Nissan Leafs.
Read full storyEvolution riddle finally not solved exclusive!
The riddle of how our ancestors 'evolved' from moving on all fours to being bipedal has at last not been answered. A recent study, where 'evolution scientits' (not a spelling mistake)spent 14 months on holiday in Guinea, West Africa concluded that...
Read full storyZiggy Stardust Plaque Should Be In Chiswick, Says Local Rock Expert
The plaque unveiled to commemorate the 40th anniversary of an iconic rock album is in the wrong place, according a local musicologist. Gary Kemp out of Spandau Ballet unveiled the plaque in Heddon St, London, where the cover photo for David Bowie'...
Read full storyHigh Street Antics
London, England. In scenes rarely captured in the city, twenty seven quantity surveyors donned Dark Ages costumes and ran wildly down the high street screaming "It's your London!". Passersby were mildly amused by the unusual antics and even one witne...
Read full storyWill the US Army attack Iran with new WMD?
FORT KNOX, KY (ABSNN)-Known primarily for guarding the US gold supply, the US Army Base at Fort Knox, Kentucky is an impregnable base. Although it has long been rumored to no longer contain gold, especially by Texas Congressman Ron Paul, experts...
Read full storyCouple's lava lamp flat blast hell as Sun squares up to Pluto
London - "Don't blame retrograde Mercury and Mars for this hellish fiasco," star-gazing experts said today following a massive blast in an East London residential property. It's resulted in a Bethnal Green couple being treated for burns and shock...
Read full storyGronk Spices Up Dunkin Donuts
Gronkin Donuts? The man handing out coffee at the drive-thru window at Dunkin Donuts was none other than the inestimable Rob Gronkowski. His latest product endorsement wins our approval. We used to think only Rajon Rondo could make us dunk, but n...
Read full storyMyanmar Embraces Facebook As Electronic Medical Record
(AP) Yangon -The long impoverished South East Asian nation of Myanmar is understood to be in negotiations with The World Health Organisation (WHO) co-founder Derek Zoolander to trial Facebook as an International Electronic Medical Record. Speakin...
Read full storyIntelligent Design community demand ID Spoofs to be put in the Science and Technology Category
The Intelligent Design movement have gone to the courts to force popular satirical news site, The Spoof, to put Spoofs that ridicule evolution and promote creationism into the Science and Technology section along side items that ridicule Creationism.
Read full storyA True Diary of Woe - Part Fifty-Three
A diary of one man's (Using the term man lossely) utter failure, depression, frustration, cock-ups, and impecuniousness, starting in August 1947 Chapter 96 The Night of the Call-Out! The client requested two Security Officer to cover for the night, for their own guards who had both reported in sick. To cover a meeting/party of executives party. It was at a posh mansion just outside Leice...
Read full storyThe Captured Virgins
Does it matter whether the biblical story of 'Cain and Abel' is true or not? Besides, aren't we of the same species and, therefore, brothers? Brothers have fought off their rival brothers. Jealousy and arrogance in man has led both sexes to all sorts of violence. This ancient grudge existed between two Arabs, Hashim, great grandfather of prophet of Islam and his nephew, Umayyah, dating back...
Read full storyIan Somerhalder and Nina Dobrev To Star In The Vampire Thriller "There's A Bloody App For That"
LOS ANGELES - The temperature in Tinsel Town was hovering in the mid-90s and Venice Beach was brimming with beach goers wearing every color and design of micro swimsuits imaginable. Two of the most famous Venice Beach visitors were Nina Dobrev and...
Read full storyFour Horsemen Of Apocalypse Ride Roughshod Over Obamacare
BILLINGSGATE POST - Outlined against a blue, grey Washington sky the Four Horsemen rode once again. In Biblical lore they are known as famine, pestilence, destruction and death. These are only aliases. Their real names are: Kennedy, Scalia, Rober...
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