FORT KNOX, KY (ABSNN)-Known primarily for guarding the US gold supply, the US Army Base at Fort Knox, Kentucky is an impregnable base. Although it has long been rumored to no longer contain gold, especially by Texas Congressman Ron Paul, experts in military weapons systems told reporters today that a new Weapon of Mass Destruction (WMD) has been perfected and tested within the fortress walls,
"According to what I know, the new WMD is a variant of Pre-Menstrual Syndrome which can infect human males with the otherwise female ailment," said Igor Frankenstein, the noted geneticist and author.
"Believe me, this is no joke," said Saul Wilson who claims to have perfected the dispersal system which according to him, "will emit tiny droplets of the prepared formula over waterways and reservoirs in Iran. Men who drink the water will begin to develop symptoms within 48-72 hours."
Noted feminists expressed shock, and then awe that such a weapon could actually work.
"It's about time men had the opportunity to suffer through what is a monthly plague for most women," said Gloria Steinman.
Hillary Clinton agreed but said she's past the age of caring about PMS, so what the hell, let those Iranians have it, I say. I'll report to the UN when they start whining about water gain and incredible aching."
The weapon was tested on US Army volunteers and men in bars who did not know what they were consuming.
"The soldiers began fighting amongst themselves, acting perturbed at the slightest noise within the barracks and refusing to get off their bunks," said Frankenstein.
"The bar patrons just cried more in their beer and told observers 'no one understands my pain.'"
Women are not affected any worse than normal by the PMS WMD.
"It couldn't get any worse, you know," said Steinman.