Obama Secret Service Entourage to Use Nissan Leafs to Battle High Gas Prices, Sneak out of Town Easier

Funny story written by mikewadestr

Wednesday, 28 March 2012


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Out with the old and in with the new.

In order to battle the high price of gasoline US President, Barack Obama, announced that his entire entourage of Secret Service Agents and Twitter advisors have replaced all of the current Secret Service vehicles with the fully electric Nissan Leafs.

For security reasons the President addressed the Non-Associated Press from a closet in the White House Lincoln Room by asking:

"Did you hear the one about the duck who performed a Jewish circumcision? Oh wait a minute, or was that a polar bear? Damn, it looks like someone has been messing around with my teleprompter again! Fucking Boehner!"

"I just wanted to tell everyone that we, or more realistically I, came up with the idea to replace the entire Secret Service entourage with fuel efficient Nissan Leafs!"

"Geez, 'we', what a joke, the idiot Secret Service Agents couldn't even find the God damn gas cap on the cars so how the hell could they come up with a brilliant plan like this? Geez, 'we'".

"Anyway, these Nissan Leafs get a lot of mileage out of a gallon of gasoline. It's so high that Nissan cannot fit it on its specification sheet. Hell, it's so good that they don't even mention MPG on the sheet either. These cars are really, really quiet. We are told that it has something to do with electricity which makes sense because you can never hear the electricity running around inside the walls of your home, so if you want something or someone to be quiet, just pump a lot of electricity in them".

"We feel that the quietness of these cars will allow us to sneak down a closed Connecticut Avenue at four o'clock in the afternoon without anybody noticing us. Really cool huh?

"There does appear to be one drawback that we are working on. Apparently a Nissan Leaf salesman mentioned something about having the cars plugged into an electrical outlet. There could be an explanation somewhere in the manual, but, com'on, does anyone actually read that shit. I felt that this could cause a bit of a problem if it has to stay plugged in while you drive so I put the best engineers in the country, who are all from China, on the job to find a solution for this. The best idea so far, which they got from WikiLeaks, is to make really long extension cords that we could run from the White House. The bad thing about this idea is that someone could accidentally pull the plug on the whole operation".

"To further save money the cars will not be modified to make them bullet proof with the windows tinted. To ensure my safety all Secret Service Agents and Twitter Advisors will be required to wear Barack Obama masks to really confuse the crap out of any potential assassins".

"But here's the kicker. While the entourage is going down Connecticut Avenue, I will be heading down Pennsylvania Avenue on a moped wearing a Jim Morrison mask and smoking a joint"

"Now is that awesome or what?"

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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