Isle of Wight News - Ring of Fire scares off terns

Funny story written by IainB

Monday, 4 June 2012

image for Isle of Wight News - Ring of Fire scares off terns
The Beacon near Yarmouth is quarter of a mile inland

Environmentalists have slammed the Island's decision to have a ring of fire around the island to celebrate the Queen's Jubilee.

Fifteen hundred beacons were set up at quarter mile intervals around the island, and were all lit on Bank Holiday Monday to celebrate the Queen's sixty years on the throne. The plan is to have them burning to the end of Bank Holiday Tuesday in celebration of the Queen's sixty years on the throne. However, environmentalists, including the island's very own Green Candidate, Celia Brown, have slammed the celebration of the Queen's sixty years on the throne as irresponsible and dangerous.

"The island is home to a colony of rare Turner's Terns," said Celia Brown, 55 of Ventnor. "The ring of fire has caused this sea feeding bird to stay away from their nests."

According to reports, the terns have turned away from their nests in their thousands, abandoning hungry chicks to starvation and hunger.

"We fear that if this disastrous disaster isn't halted soon, hundreds if not thousands of chicks will die," said Celia.

Councillor for the Isle of Wight, David Pugh, has flabbergasted that Celia Brown has come out against the Beacons.

"I know it's been a while since Celia was on the island," said Pugh, "but if she had, she would know a few facts. Firstly, the beacons are set back from the edge of the island by a significant amount. In the case of Yarmouth, by half a mile. Secondly, we've not had a Turner's Tern nest here since 1982, when they went extinct due to Turner's Tern eggs being something of a delicacy on the island."

Celia Brown was red-faced at the news.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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