The Bob Diamond Jubilee stung with record £290m fine

Written by queen mudder

Wednesday, 27 June 2012

image for The Bob Diamond Jubilee stung with record £290m fine
The CEO has forgone his 2012 bonus

London - The longest running scam of the decade has finally been caught out, following a stellar 60 year run.

This morning City regulators fined the mendacious bastards in charge of the scam £290m ($450m) for willfully bollocking a gullible public and recklessly talking up the size of their punts.

"It was a standard rogue bookie's overround of the odds," is how one Hole-in-the-Wall-Street player put it as news of the record fine spread.

The bank manipulated the setting of daily market indicators and made trillions in profits during the 2008 banking crash.

Last year its CEO Bob Diamond-Geezer took home a hefty wedge of a bonus rumored at least £6.5 million.

And all the time he was schmoozing the House of Windsor away from its C+untts And Co offshore bank accounts and herding it, sheeplike, into his own bank's privileged private client accounts.

If he wasn't American he'd have got a gong in the Queen's Birthday Honors earlier this month.

As things stand today he's forfeited his 2012 annual bonus and been branded an effin big bastard who should pack his bags and bugger off home.


The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Spoof news topics

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more