Written by Ellis Ian Fields

Wednesday, 27 June 2012

image for Holyrood Cabinet Goes On Tour - Ministers In Fear Of Salmond's Tests
God help Shona Robison if she can't identify the mill where the tartan was woven!

Scottish ministers fear the savage retribution of their leader after their annual summer tour of the country during which they will hold meetings on Skye, and in Renfrew and Orkney.

This will be the fifth consecutive year that the Cabinet has embarked on such a tour and gathered outside Edinburgh.

As well as formal meetings, the ministers will hold open public meetings in each of the three towns.

First Minister Alex Salmond said that the away-days had been "among the most successful and enjoyable events undertaken by the Scottish government".

But a source close to the cabinet says the ministers are terrified about what happens when they return to Holyrood.

"Mr Salmond gives them geography tests," says the source. "He reckons that none of them knows anything about the country outside of Edinburgh and maybe Glasgow.

"So when they get back he goes round them one by one asking them a series of questions on the places they've been - and if they don't know the answers they have to perform forfeits.

"Last year Nicola Sturgeon had to strip to her scanties and do a lap dance on Fergus Ewing. Derek Mackay had to dress as Flora Macdonald for a week!

"They're all terrified!"

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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