Gay And Lesbian Reproductive Rate Lower Than Mendoza Line
BILLINGSGATE POST - The United States Census Bureau released new numbers that indicate that the ability of gays and lesbians to replace themselves through reproduction has fallen below the "Mendoza Line" benchmark. The importance of this statistic...
Read full storyThe Queen of Britain in Leaked Sex Tapestry -Jubilee Plans Unravel as Bestiality Allegations Lead to Worldwide Revulsion
On the verge of the world celebrating the longest serving monarch, a shocking piece of tapestry made in 1958 has been found by a royal collector, that has called into question the early years of the monarch and her close relationships with some of th...
Read full storyHosni Mubarak is betrayed by Satan
Hosni Mubarak, a believer in black magic and Satanic rituals was sentenced to life in prison after spending hours each day praying to Satan for deliverance. Satan, the cursed Angel cast out of heaven, has betrayed his favorite slave Hosni Mubarak...
Read full storyEurodrone Shock Attack
A Eurodrone has hit the biggest bank in Europe resulting in a Greek farce followed by a Spanish siesta. Barack Obama, facing an election soon is defending the eurodrone attack saying that all diplomatic attempts at resolving the crisis had failed. He...
Read full storyPrince Philip Says: "I'm Not Going To The Bloody Sodding Royal Pageant On The Buggering Thames In No Barge And That's That!"
Following Prince Philip's Friday night "Stuff the ruddy buggering Diamond Jubilee!" tirade, Buckingham Palace staff were forced to flee the building again on Saturday evening, when the Prince flatly refused to go on a glorified barge in the Great Jub...
Read full storyLourdes Leon to study Anthropology at London's School of Oriental and African Studies
New York - The fifteen year-old daughter of Madonna and Carlos Manuel Leon has won a scholarship to study Social Anthropology at the prestigious University of London college. A phone call to the Ciccone family's Manhattan residence this weekend co...
Read full storyA Boy's Letter to NASCAR - With Response
Dear NASCAR, my name is Billy Bob. I am 11 years old and attend Podunk elementary here in Podunk. Our science teacher, Mr. Oakley showed us a picture of a galaxy called 101 in class last Tuesday. He said that the stars on the inside track aren't going faster than the ones on the outside. In fact, he said the ones on the outside are going faster because they are traveling a greater dist...
Read full storySherrif Joe O'Piehole taking posse to Chantilly Virginia
Phoenix, AZ - A dispatcher with the sheriff's department recounts that a posse of ten thousand scruffy horse-riding gun-toting tobacco-spitting O'Piehole deputies are riding to Chantilly Virginia to break up what they view as an illegal assembly know...
Read full storyGreece Sues to Settle Debt - So long Art
ATHENS - Today, the Greek government has decided to take "extreme" measures to address its financial problems. A three-pronged legal attacks is expected to be filed Monday in every major world capital, "Demanding back payments for centuries worth of...
Read full storyThe Jumblies Diamond Jubilee
At the beginning of June the UK has gone into a red white and blue frenzy of celebration of the fact that the Queen Elizabeth II is still alive. What has been overlooked is that the creator of the Jumblies, Edward Lear was born in 1812 so it is also his 200th birthday. Unfortunately he is dead, however his creation, The Jumblies, will live forever (especially for those with children). Ther...
Read full storyEuro 2012: The real reason Frank Lampard was 'dropped from the squad' denial
The England camp today moved to distance themselves from claims in the Daily Fail newspaper that Frank Lampard is not really injured but was dropped from the squad because bosses were worried he would eat all the chocolate in Belgium where the team w...
Read full storyThe Spoof Braces Itself For Wave Of Jubilee 'Pippa Middleton's Bum' Stories
Editorial staff at online satirical website The Spoof are reportedly bracing themselves as they prepare to face a tidal wave of submissions this Jubilee weekend - about Pippa Middleton's bottom. "We always get this sort of thing," one grumbled. "A...
Read full storyEngland To Be Renamed To Commemorate Jubilee
In a shock move last night, forty-five MPs signed an agreement to rename England to celebrate the Queen's Diamond Jubilee. 'Jubilengland' is the new name by which we will begin using in relation to our country from 28th July this year. Every house...
Read full storyDancing With The Stars' Maksim Chmerkovskiy Says The Alluringly Sexy Peta Murgatroyd Has Quick-Stepped Into His Heart
CABO SAN LUCAS, Mexico - This year's winning couple on Dancing With The Stars was Green Bay Packers wide receiver Donald Driver and professional Australian dancer Peta Murgatroyd. The talented football player showed the nation that not only can he...
Read full storyMad Mayor Jorris Bohnson Wears Cat On Head
Mad Mayor Of Olde London TownJorris Bohnson has taken a leaf from Dr Zoigbergs famous children's book "Prat In A Cat" and started wearing a large overweight Ginger Tom on his head to official functions. The overweight tom cat Jorris, well known f...
Read full storyNew York City: "Big Apple" Out; "Cute Apple" In
Mayor Michael Bloomberg has announced that henceforth New York City will no longer be nicknamed, "The Big Apple." At his noon news conference, Hizzoner unloaded this latest bombshell to the unsuspecting news services. "A 'Big Apple' suggests...
Read full storyAnti-Fat Mayor: NYC Resturants Forced to Feed Diners on 5-Inch Plates
In his never-ending assault on obesity, NYC Mayor Michael Bloomberg has ruled that as of July 1, 2012, restaurants in the five boroughs will now serve all foods on plates no larger than five inches in diameter. The Mayor, in yesterday's news confe...
Read full storyThe Stadium is Nice...The Experience - Repulsive
MIAMI - Since the Dan Marino Era came to an end, Dolphins football has never been the same. The front office has scurried the open market like an addict looking for a quick fix - mulishly passing on Drew Brees in the process. And like most junkies,...
Read full storyBuild-a-bugger conference fails to regulate internet
Virginia - At attempt to regulate the internet went awry today when the official order to shut down the internet for the ninety-nine percent failed to make it past the hotel firewall, according to our hotel mole at the scene, Ms. Kay Sparks. Mr. .
Read full storyQueen can't keep legs shut on Australian tour... everyone's been down under!
Annoymous AUS resident reveals how after parties at Australian tour have been getting wilder by the day. The young "entrepeneur" has questioned the countless amount of trips to the loo the queen has been making in the arms of "dreamy" Australian...
Read full storyChurch tales from the countryside
A vicar in Northumberland has come up with a novel new way of "bringing in the sheep" Back and to the Left news investigates. Rev John Thomas of The Holy Mother, Father and Stepson Trinity Church in Wigglesworth Northumberland has stepped up his c...
Read full storyQuentin Kelp MP - Midweek Special
Dear Constituents I have had a most hectic week so far and Anthea has now gone down with the flu, or she claims she has. Women have no staying power - the slightest little thing and they give up. I, on the other hand, stayed up late on Monday night reading about waste management and recycling in readiness for a top level meeting yesterday with DEFRA. Being DEFRA I knew to expect dreary, mix...
Read full storyWhat's Perjury?
Grandpa, what's Perjury? That's to swear falsely. I didn't know falsely was a swear word. No, it isn't, but if you lie in a court it is called perjury. So if you say DAMN that's swearing in court. It is but if you SWEAR TO TELL THE TRUTH AND THEN YOU LIE IT IS PERJURY. I have lied in court Grandpa. Have you, when was that? I lied in a Tennis court when I was exhausted. Gran...
Read full storyEmbarrassing Ailments...The UXB
Our first story this month is very unusual indeed. Great Granddad Benjamin Down came to us with his embarrassing ailment. Ben tells his story. "I was in the garden, 1944 it was. Digging for England it was called; we all did our bit in those days. Anyway, it was wash day and my Ida had put my smalls in to soak so, naturally I was as naked as Mrs Sharpe from Number 13 when the GI's were in town.
Read full storyThe Once Great NFL Player Terrell Owens Released By The Allen Wranglers After Being Demoted To Driving The Team Bus
ALLEN, Texas - The football career of Terrell Owens has continued spiraling downward and it has just about hit rock bottom. The 38-year-old who had joined the Indoor Football League's Allen Wranglers had been demoted from being a starter to playin...
Read full storyThe Green Lantern Comes Out of The Closet
CHICAGO - In a move that even caught the Las Vegas oddsmakers by surprise the DC Comics super hero The Green Lantern has just come out of the closet and announced that he is gay. One of the biggest Green Lantern fans in the nation, Bryton "Skippy"...
Read full storySigns you are about to be attacked by a drone
These days, the air is filled with drones, buzzing about in search of their assigned targets. The obvious question is, how can you tell when there is a drone with your name in it? After doing extensive research on this topic, I have a prepared a list of the ten most reliable indicators that you may be about to be stung by a drone: 1. You get a lot of calls from "pdr2". 2. You hear mosqui...
Read full storyMitt Romney Admits That His Father Was Born In Mexico - Donald Trump Wants To See His Birth Certificate
GREEN RIVER, Wyoming - Mitt Romney's presidential campaign tour "Old Mittens Covers America" pulled into Green River. The town was made famous by Creedence Clearwater Revival back in 1969, when lead singer John Fogerty sang the hit song "Green Riv...
Read full story