French and English Soccer Fans Trade Personal Hygiene Tips Not Punches
For the first time during the European Soccer Championships rival supporters have come together in a friendly manner, united by a common thread and not hurled insults and abuse at each other. In a refreshing change, English and French fans came to...
Read full storyEuro 2012: Fans praise ITV for England v France coverage
Football fans tonight joined together in unity to congratulate broadcaster ITV for their coverage of Euro 2012 Group D match England v France. Supporters were naturally worried that the commercial broadcaster was given rights to the opening match...
Read full storyEngland hope for promotion out of the group based on alphabetical order
England are hoping that they can match France goal for goal, win for win, loss for loss so that the two end level on points, goal difference, and goals scored, and to go up because 'E' comes before 'F' in the alphabet. "With so few games in the gr...
Read full storyEuro 2012: Spain fail to beat Italy because of countries banking crisis
The World Cup winners and defending European Champions Spain were today accused of 'not trying' to beat Italy in their opening game of Euro 2012 because players were told their was no win bonus money available from the Spanish Football Association.
Read full storyKorean Man Called Chinese Five Times in One Day
A Korean man claims he was mistaken for being Chinese five times in one day, a new record for him, surpassing the four times he was mistaken for being Japanese in April and the three times he was mistaken for a ladyboy while visiting San Francisco. Dr Daniel Cun, 32, handsome, funny, and wealthy but unfortunately a compulsive liar wrote on his non-existent blog that the confusion began early. A...
Read full storyJersey Shore's Snooki Offered $5,000,000 Never to Pose Naked Again
Limelight and cheeseburger loving "Jersey Shore" non-entity Nicole "Snooki" Polizzi has been offered $5m NEVER to remove her clothing again after photographs of the pint sized.....(Ed, please tell me what she is?)....were leaked online, causing dist...
Read full storyDavid Cameron Accidentally Leaves Nick Clegg in the Peak District
The Prime Minister and the Deputy Prime Minister were in the Peak District for a slap-up lunch with business people who cannot be named. Afterwards, David Cameron was due to travel back to Downing Street in the same car as Nick Clegg. However, the ca...
Read full storyExtreme Eaters Club looking for new members after the Fossil Course
The Cambridge branch of the Extreme Eaters Club are on the look out for new members after they recently introduced a Fossil Course. "This seemed like a logical next step," said Extreme Eater, Heston Blumenthal. "We'd done the various other forms o...
Read full storyBarbara Walters Got Job for Hitler Relative
TV news star Barbara Walters admits she got a job for Ralph Hitler, an alleged secret great grandchild of the Nazi dictator. The disclosure comes on the heels of Walters's admission she tried to get a job for the young daughter of a Syrian diplomat...
Read full story"Night Lake Inspector" Job Found in Audit.
A "deep audit" of Chicago municipal employee records has revealed a bizarre surprise: Chicago has been funding a "Night Lake Inspector" position for over 30 years. The only problem? There's nobody there, and never was. The position was created d...
Read full storyThe Boston Celtics Ownership Addresses The Rumors That They Are Moving The Team To Mobile, Alabama
BOSTON - The "Beantown" fans of the Boston Celtics are still heartbroken at having seen their team go down to the Miami Heat in the final and decisive game 7 of the NBA's Eastern Conference Championship series 4 games to 3. Rufus Reno with Sports...
Read full storyBilderburger Finals from Chantilly VA
It's all over but the fears. Early this morning, Marriott employees began handing out souvenir "Sullivan & Cromwell," T-shirts to departing guests in honor of the powerful Wall Street law firm where Alan Dulles and his brother, John Foster Dull...
Read full storyEnglish Hammers French
In what many are calling an onslaught, actor Rowan Atkinson, star of Blackadder, Mr Bean and the Johnny English series of films well and truly trounced roly poly comedienne Dawn French during their annual charity game of snakes and ladders. Atkins...
Read full storyUS Teens Survive 9 Days Without Internet or Cell Phones
Two U.S. students trapped in a hotel in India by marauding monkeys have spoken for the first time about their nine-day ordeal and how they survived without being able to twitter, use facebook or text, due to their being no cell phone coverage or "wi...
Read full storyHero Neighbor Records Burglary but Homeowner Shows no Gratitude
A hero neighbor in Atlanta Georgia went above and beyond normal neighborly behavior when he recorded his neighbor's home being burgled and posted the footage on YouTube. Many are calling him a hero; however the homeowner isn't so sure. Ellington G...
Read full storyGovt Bans All Websites, Says Internet will continue to be 'free'
In a late-breaking development - delayed because the official Government Spokesperson Mooster Mukharjoy arrived two hours behind schedule at the Readers' Building in Newer Delhi - the government announced a blanket ban on all websites across the subc...
Read full storyCursing Banned in Massachusetts Town - 30 Days in Jail or $2000 Fine For Using F-Word - Rest Of America Likely To Follow Suit
Public cursing or swearing on the street, in bars or any location outside of the home has been banned in the small town of Middleborough, Mass. It is now illegal to use the F-Word and transgressors could face fines up to $2000 or/and 30 days in th...
Read full storyPaper receipts to be phased out by 2020
The familiar paper receipt that accompanies virtually ever physical store purchase is to be phased out by 2020 when it is expected that the last UK resident without an email address will have died of old age. The plan is, instead, to request an em...
Read full storyHuman Shields Form Union
Usually a stop gap for college kids looking for the pin money before embarking on a cooperate career or an occupation for those retired and just looking to supplement their pensions, the life of a Human Shield can be fraught not only with danger bu...
Read full storyChina to Open Laundry and Take Away Restaurant on the Moon
China's historic spacecraft docking mission this month will involve a female astronaut, so she can help with the washing up and taking orders from the first ever Chinese Restaurant in space. She may also lead sheet folding operations at the adjacent...
Read full storyWeather quiet on Wimbledon and Olympics plans
The British weather has refused to be drawn on its plans for the Wimbledon championships and the forthcoming London Olympics-even after buggering up the recent Jubilee celebrations. The relentless pissing rain that totally spoiled three out of the...
Read full storyPM's security branded totally useless amid Camerons' own 'Tapas Bar' moment
London - 'Protection cops or Keystone Cops?' was the obvious question today as details emerged of the Camerons' parenting skills following a family pub lunch one Sunday. It's left the PM's official security team looking sheepish amid widespread re...
Read full storySports Umpires: Time to Call Robocop
Bobby Valentine of the Red Sox was tossed out of the game against the Nats in the bottom of the ninth inning for arguing a strike call. After the game he called the officiating "lousy," and he cast doubt on the umpiring in the entire series the So...
Read full storyEngland fans derided as 'Pussies'
England fans have been labelled 'Pussies' by a senior footballing figure in the run up to their Euro 2012 opener v France The criticism comes after it was revealed that only 4,000 tickets to the Monday evening game had been sold and that the £40 f...
Read full storySlapped Arse Looks Like Queen's Face
You've heard of the piece of burnt toast that looks like Jesus, the tea leaves that look like Elvis, and used tampon that looks like the Mother Theresa. Now there is a new addition to the list of everyday objects that look like famous people - a slap...
Read full storyDiving from Hotel Balconies
The British Travel Insurance Industry has announced that it will no longer provide cover for British tourists staying in hotels with more than one floor. This is due to the number of people trying but failing to succeed in the new sport of diving...
Read full storyDemi Moore Talks About Possibly Changing Her First Name
LOS ANGELES - Demi Moore, who has recently had more ups and downs than a Las Vegas house of ill-repute elevator, says that she is trying her best to cope with the fact that she was dumped big time by her former boy-toy husband Ashton "The Player" Kut...
Read full storyMitt Romney Denies That He Used To Own A Nudist Colony
NARRAGANSETT, Rhode Island - The former governor of Massachusetts Mitt Romney brought his "Mormon Merriment Presidential Campaign Bus Tour" to the town that Peruvian poet Claudio Cuervo made famous in his "Ode To My Second Wife Mimosa's Mirthfully Me...
Read full storyLa Familia Michoacana burns down Colorado
Colorado- The Mexican cartel, La Familia Michoacana, is claiming responsibility for starting the fast-moving Colorado wildfire that continues to grow. "El Guapo," spokesman for the Mexican cartel, said "La Familia Michoacana" set the Waldo Canyo...
Read full storySimon Cowell Says If X-Factor Judges Britney Spears and Demi Lovato Don't Stop Fighting He'll Fire Them Both
LOS ANGELES - Simon Cowell had just returned to his X-Factor office building after taking his brand new $1 million Veyron Bugatti for a spin up the Pacific Coast Highway to Oxnard. He was met by Pico de Gallo with Tittle Tattle Tonight. The two ex...
Read full storyJanet Napolitano Puts Dodo Bird On "No Fly" List
BILLINGSGATE POST (Exclusive)- Secretary of Homeland Security, Janet Napolitano, admitted today on Face The Nation that her agency had put a traveler dressed as a Dodo Bird on the "NO FLY" list. While attempting to board a plane from LAX to the isl...
Read full storyEngland Team Devoid Of Enthusiasm Ahead Of France Game
The England football team will be totally lacking in enthusiasm when they take on an in-form French side in their Euro2012 opener in Donetsk tonight, and will, predictably, end up bowing out of the tournament early, says a football pundit. Moys Ke...
Read full storyNats' Stephen Strasburg Leaves Red Sox Awestruck Out
'Hit me with a rainbow,' indeed. A famous writer once titled his book with that catchy phrase. Not until now, however, has a baseball manager analyzed his own team's fortunes with the notion at the end of the rainbow was a pot of gold for the Nat...
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