Written by Dr. Billingsgate

Monday, 11 June 2012

image for Janet Napolitano Puts Dodo Bird On "No Fly" List
Tastes Like Chicken

BILLINGSGATE POST (Exclusive)- Secretary of Homeland Security, Janet Napolitano, admitted today on Face The Nation that her agency had put a traveler dressed as a Dodo Bird on the "NO FLY" list. While attempting to board a plane from LAX to the island of Mauritius in the Indian Ocean, Ipsin de la Pinto, a cross-dressing homo-sapien-fowl wanna-be, was cuffed and escorted by marshalls to a room deep in the bowels of LAX for questioning.

Paradorxically, the Dodo (Raphus cucullatus), is an extinct flightless bird which once inhabited the island of Mauritius in the Indian Ocean. The specie first lost the abilty to fly long before Homeland Security was given the power to arbitrarily put creatures on the "NO FLY" list. The reason the Dodo lost its aptitude for flying was because food on Mauritius was abundant and mammalian predators such as Janet Napolitano were absent.

De la Pinta, who is a long-time admirer of the San Diego Chicken, admitted that he wanted to test Homeland Security and came up with the idea of impersonating a Dodo bird because of its iconic history of non-violent abrogation of winged flight.

The Dodo was first mentioned by Dutch sailors in 1598. Within 100 years, all Dodos had been killed by hungry sailors and domesticated animals. Ipsin de la Pinta claimed that he was merely trying to draw attention to the plight of all travelers inconvenienced by having their flight status taken away by over-zealous air marshalls.

FOOTNOTE: De la Pinto was later allowed to board another flight to Mauritius. Homeland Security officials reluctantly agreed that he could wear his Dodo bird costume during the flight. Upon arriving and going through customs, he was set upon by ravenous descendants of the Dutch sailors who still remembered how freshly plucked rotisseried Dodo bird tasted.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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