England fans derided as 'Pussies'

Funny story written by bigmeuprudeboy

Monday, 11 June 2012


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England fans have been labelled 'Pussies' by a senior footballing figure in the run up to their Euro 2012 opener v France

The criticism comes after it was revealed that only 4,000 tickets to the Monday evening game had been sold and that the £40 face-value tickets could be snapped up for as little as £14.

Speaking to us in in the toilets of a Central London pub the un-named senior official reacted angrily to the news and went into a rant about the state of English football support.

"Whats that all about?" said the visibly intoxicated figure "These people see a bit of crap in the press about all the violence and racism endemic in Polish and Ukrainian football and the pussies get cold feet and decide not to go."

"What IS the world coming to? 30 years ago our supporters went to football tournaments for the violence and racism and now they get the slightest sniff of being kicked into the middle of next week by a bunch of Eastern European boneheads they all decide to stay at home to watch it. Some are saying its the recession and the cost and that- crap - the bloody Irish have got 30,000 out there at the moment and those tramps havent got a pot to piss in."

Asked if he thought the relatively small number of fans at the game would affect the team's performance the official said "Probably not no...I haven't even heard of half of our players & they haven't got much of a chance of winning, but it just makes us look bad when even the bloody Micks can sell out their games."

We asked the official if the conspicuous lack of hype around England in the tournament might be a factor:

"Yeah, it probably is theres the jubilee and the Olympics and that that people are probably more interested in so we just didn't bother with pressing for all the usual 'this is our time' bullshit we usually insist the media come out with-even that fat cunt James Corden is too busy poofing around on Broadway to bother with shouting his mouth off about the 'footy' on some shit ITV programme."

When asked to identify a particular section of England's travelling support he thought contributed to the disappointing sales he was quick to point to the corporate hospitality sector.

"Usually a good 90% of England tickets for this sort of tournament are snaffled up by sponsors and their little pals, but they've bagged all the Olympic tickets that were supposed to be for London school kids and aren't bothering with the Euros."

When asked if there was any positives about the forthcoming tournament the official praised the England Supporters Band " Those lads are still going-giving their support to our brave boys and hopefully getting a bloody good shoeing off a gang of tracksuit wearing, sharpened bike chain wielding skinheads."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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