French and English Soccer Fans Trade Personal Hygiene Tips Not Punches

Written by Dan Cun

Monday, 11 June 2012


The story you are trying to access may cause offense, may be in poor taste, or may contain subject matter of a graphic nature. This story was written as a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you wish to back out now, please click here to go back to the home page.

image for French and English Soccer Fans Trade Personal Hygiene Tips Not Punches
Croatian Super Model Lesko Dawsonsinski

For the first time during the European Soccer Championships rival supporters have come together in a friendly manner, united by a common thread and not hurled insults and abuse at each other.

In a refreshing change, English and French fans came together after the nations tied 1-1 and bonded thanks to the fact that the English and French are Europe's filthiest races.

Throughout the world the French are known for their refusal to shower, use deodorant and general lingering smell of pooh whenever they are around. The English are of course universally despised for their bad teeth, bad hair, bad breath and dirty fingernails.

This common thread of poor personal hygiene meant that after the match the French and English exchanged tips on improving their perceived lack of cleanliness.

One French man, Tattielle Mulletto, of Nice said "It was good, no, when after ze match, no, a roast beef told me zat shower gel iz a good thing ,no, ee was very friendly, no."

Englishman, Tommy Cock, was also pleased after the game "I met a few froggies after the game, in it didn't I? They told me about toothpaste and mints for me breath, in it, cor blimey, I went to bottom of stairs I did, aye up, I knew the Krays, dance little fishy when the boat comes in, you're nicked, init, god save the queen gawd bless her!"

It is hoped that as the tournament progresses Russian women may realize it is NOT acceptable to have moustaches, Spanish men may hopefully learn that toilet paper was invented for a reason, Irish women will discover that they do not have to have hairy legs, just because their "mams" did, Germans will learn about the benefits of cotton buds for clearing out ear wax and Polish men will be pleasantly surprised to discover that the mullet is not the only hairstyle out there.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more