Jimmy Carr tax scandal controversy reopened after confusion at Wimbledon
The Prime Minister was once again embroiled in controversy over the Jimmy Carr K2 tax avoidance scandal after visiting Wimbledon to watch the Men's Final between Britain's Andy Murray and Switzerland's Roger Federer. While in the VIP box, Cameron...
Read full storyHumanity Doomed Due to Slippy Fisted Scientist
Humanity's fate was sealed earlier today when a vial containing the genetically engineered super virus known as "EbolaThrax" was dropped at a secure lab facility deep within the Pentagon. Multiple contributing factors are apparently to blame for the...
Read full storyMurray v Federer Wimbledon Final - Celebrity Crowd Watch
Well 74 years of hurt continues as Andy Murray lost in four sets to Swiss King Roger Federer, who now has 17 Grand Slams compared to Murrays none. Celebrities packed the Centre Court and Royal Box. David Cameron was in attendance, but had to leave early after remembering he left his daughter in a local pub. Nick Clegg was on hand to be Deputy David Cameron, albeit without the family tru...
Read full storyRecession Caused by Vengeful Deity
According to a startling new discovery by a joint co-operative research team consisting of economists and scientists from both MIT and the London School of Economics, the current recession was in fact caused by an incensed and indignant supreme, omni...
Read full storySecond Half of Season Looks Ominous for Red Sox
After the All-Star game, the Boston Red Sox begin to look for runs in their stockings. Yes, the second half of the season begins on Friday 13th. If you were writing the movie script for a horror story, only calling up Freddy Kreuger could be more...
Read full storyPrime Minister Unhurt During Men's Singles Final Incident At Wimbledon!
An assassination attempt on the Prime Minister's life was at first suspected this afternoon as he was sitting in the Grandstand at Wimbledon's Centre Court watching today's men's singles tennis final taking place there. Police bodyguards rushed t...
Read full story50 Shades of Filth! Author angry at 'mummy porn' label
The author of mucky book trilogy, 50 Shades of Grey, EL James is said to be unhappy with the label of 'mummy porn' for her series of dirty books. The books are sweeping the nation as 'ladies' take a break from cooking and cleaning to read this abo...
Read full storyOlympic Opening Ceremony Theme Change Following German Boycott Threat!
The German government has threatened to boycott the London 2012 Olympic Games unless the theme for the opening ceremony is changed. Britain's Prime Minister David Cameron had to be told of the surprise theme being prepared for spectators after he'd m...
Read full storyDarnell McDonald: Taken in His Prime by the Pinstripes
A few short days ago Darnell McDonald lived, watched sunsets as a Red Sox, but now lies in the New York Yankees dugout. Worse yet, scarce heard amid the media cry, the Yankees swooped down and emasculated our favorite Red Sox Samson. Not a day...
Read full storyFlasher gets penis caught in zip!
News flash: Local park Flasher, Dick Dropemall, was going about his daily routine in the park around 10.00 pm. Doggy walkers, tramps, junkies, joggers and other park visitors were busy recovering from their heavy day's work when they heard a loud scr...
Read full storyAndy Murray turned away from Wimbledon Centre Court on day of Mens Final
The final day of Wimbledon - traditionally the day of the mens final - was thrown into controversy early this morning when Andy Murray was refused entry by strict security staff. Murray - the first British mens finalist for 74 years - was turned a...
Read full storyOlympic Shock: Canada to win 30 Gold Medals with Fast White Suits
Toronto (SAPP) - The Canadian Olympic Team has entered a new era of competitiveness in the world of sports. Constantly trying to play catch-up to their rivals to the south, Canadian Track and Field is always yearning for that edge to beat the America...
Read full storyLeave the pigeons alone! Dawkins on the warpath again
Atheist fundamentalist and evolution crackpot Richard Dawkins is again angry, this time not at God, or genuine scientists but his next door neighbour. Apparently, his neighbour has installed some harmless spikes in his own trees, to help prevent p...
Read full storyFootball Gossip & comments 7th July 2012
The Sun Theo Walcott is also considering his future with Arsenal, as he enters the final year of his current deal. Judging by internet forums and radio phone-ins, 60,000 supporters are also considering their future. Daily Mail Tottenham are ready to listen to offers for Rafael van der Vaart, 29. A fee of £10m-plus is likely to be enough to capture the Dutch international attacking midfielde...
Read full storyFootball Gossip & comments 8th July 2012
Manchester Evening News Manchester City defender Pablo Zabaleta says controversial team-mate Mario Balotelli can become one of the best players in the world if he starts using his brain more. What brain - The one in his penis? Liverpool Echo New Liverpool boss Brendan Rodgers has no intention of selling Welsh forward Craig Bellamy. Instead, he's going to swap him for half a dozen tracksui...
Read full storySports News Summary of The Week - In Tweets w/e 7th July
Would the last Banker out of the door at Barclays please turn the light off. Would the last player out the door at Arsenal please... Robin Van Persie is off to the SPL to replace Rangers. After all he was a one man team at Arsenal last year. Robin Van Persie statement "It's not about the money, money, money. I wanna win a trophy, trophy, trophy. Even a Carling cup, might just cheer me up"...
Read full storyEuro 2012: Spain v Italy Final - in Tweets
#euro2012 Spain getting so good at this football malarkey, UEFA need to introduce handicap, either concede goal, player or 5 min start. Spain 2 Italy 0 (Half-time) If this was a boxing match the ref would would have stopped it by now. Spain going easy on italy by bringing torres on . UEFA to introduce handicap against spain, instead of Jordi Alba, next match they must field 5 characters...
Read full storyCongressman Barney Frank Marries James Ready In Boston
BOSTON - The city of Boston is home to the NBA Celtics and the MLB Red Sox and now it is also home to the very first high-profile political same-sex marriage. Massachusetts Governor Deval Patrick officiated at the marriage ceremony between Congres...
Read full storyMP Louise Mensch tells of drug misery
MP Louise Mensch has admitted taking hard drugs in her youth that "messed with my brain". The high-profile Tory backbencher and chick-lit author told of her past after being asked about Justice Secretary Ken Clarke's claim that Britain is losing t...
Read full storyAndy Murray crowned Champion of Wimbledon
Andy Murray was today sensationally awarded the Mens Single title at Wimbledon after an amazing turn of events that saw Roger Federer fail to turn up for the Final after being arrested in the middle of the night. An anonymous caller to the Metropo...
Read full storyGeorge Clooney and Stacy Keibler Comment On Their Food Poisoning In Italy
CERNOBBIO, Italy - George Clooney has a luxurious villa located on Lake Como, a beautiful lake named after the famous Italian-American crooner Perry Como. Clooney's Villa Oleandra Oxen Free is regarded as one of the most exquisite villas in the en...
Read full story