Paula Abdul Begs To Return To American Idol

Funny story: Paula Abdul Begs To Return To American Idol

LOS ANGELES - It's no secret that since leaving American Idol, Paula Abdul has pretty much gone underneath the radar. The former AI judge recently spoke to Carolina Chipotle of Bedroom Pillow Talk and assured her that contrary to popular belief sh...

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Football Gossip & comments 19th July 2012

Funny story: Football Gossip & comments 19th July 2012

Sir Alex Ferguson has told friends that Manchester United will beat City and Juventus in the race to sign Arsenal captain Robin van Persie in a £20m deal. (Daily Mirror) Amazing, I didn't Ferguson had any friends... Liverpool's players are expected to win the ball back within seven seconds of losing possession and are given thorough details of the passing options they must offer every tea...

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The Real Batman Hypercritical Of The Dark Knight And Other Batman Movies

Funny story: The Real Batman Hypercritical Of The Dark Knight And Other Batman Movies

The real Batman, Gotham billionaire, Bruce Wayne, today lambasted the various motion pictures depicting his superhero adventures, by saying that the raft of treatments were unrealistic, and quite simply, just not dark enough. "It was much darker t...

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'Apology' insurance claims rock market

Funny story: 'Apology' insurance claims rock market

Underwriters in Lloyds of London are having their shirts extracted after a slew of succesful claims against 'apology' insurance policies. For years public figures have taken out insurance against the ignominy of having to apologise in public, with...

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Germans laugh as ewes sent to the gas chamber

Funny story: Germans laugh as ewes sent to the gas chamber

A small article in a Bavarian farming journal has caused an international outcry after it was misrepresented in the New York Times yesterday. Following legislation passed by the European Commission, farmers around Munich are switching from machine...

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Oliver Pistorius selected to run Hurdles at 2012 Olympics

Funny story: Oliver Pistorius selected to run Hurdles at 2012 Olympics

In a mixup worthy of a Seb Coe cross-dressing party, Oliver Pistorius has been entered into the 400m Hurdles instead of his chosen event, the 400m. This is a huge setback for team South Africa. Whilst Pistorius has recorded a sub 45 second time in...

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Anderson Cooper Gay, Rush Limbaugh Comes Out as Fat

Funny story: Anderson Cooper Gay, Rush Limbaugh Comes Out as Fat

Rush Limbaugh has finally made it official: He's fat. The conservative radio show host has never publicly confirmed that detail until now, just a day after Anderson Cooper revealed his homosexuality. Limbaugh made the announcement via his Frien...

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"God Particle" Found To Be Mormon Messenger

Funny story: "God Particle" Found To Be Mormon Messenger

Special to TP News - Physicists at the CERN Laboratory in Switzerland announced that the Higgs boson, the so-called "God particle," resembles the Mormon angel Moroni. Moroni is the keeper of the golden plates on which is inscribed the Book of Mormon.

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Mitt Romney Picks Former Mayor For Veep

Funny story: Mitt Romney Picks Former Mayor For Veep

No, it isn't Giuliani or Bloomberg, but following the example of John McCain, who selected the former mayor of Wasilla, Alaska, Sarah Palin, as his veep, Mitt Romney has selected former mayor of Carmel, California, Clint Eastwood, as his veep. Recogn...

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Danny Boyle ordered to slash another 3 hours from 'tortuous' £27million Olympic Opening Ceremony

Funny story: Danny Boyle ordered to slash another 3 hours from 'tortuous' £27million Olympic Opening Ceremony

London - "Don't worry, old son," is how Lord Coe put it to Danny Boyle at lunchtime today, "no one's bound to even notice!" The remarks come amid fears that royal codgers 'like the Queen and Prince Philip' will never survive sitting through the Sl...

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A Country Music Shocker

Funny story: A Country Music Shocker

NASHVILLE - The Country Music Bureau has issued a very stern directive to the entire country music industry. The president of the CMB Blanchard "Buckaroo" Buxtonhouse has stated that recent consumer polls show that the sales of country music CDs h...

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Dark Night Rising Review

Funny story: Dark Night Rising Review

Black Knight Rises is the latest installment of the most recent trilogy of Batman movies. It's the third film which follows the release of two others which people went to cinemas all over the world to watch. Set to be this summers' 'big bugger' hollywood hyper monster, this film will be hitting our collective retinas very soon and accompanied by a fanfare of propaganda and viral posturing, which i...

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Over there, tell 'em, that the Yanks are coming! The Yanks are coming!

Funny story: Over there, tell 'em, that the Yanks are coming! The Yanks are coming!

Heathrow, LONDON: With many teenagers employed by G4S on £8.50 per hour, deciding to take days off to watch Jeremy Kyle or soaps, there may be trouble ahead. But why has the Olympic Security become a 'car crash', waiting to happen? Lord Coe et al...

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Quentin Kelp MP - My Funeral Arrangements

Dear Constituents I have had a hectic but very depressing few days that has left me questioning my policy towards a certain subject that I normally try not to contemplate - death. I'm sorry to sound morbid first thing on a morning but I need to share some most private thoughts with you so please don't forward this email without my permission. I wouldn't want any old Tom, Dick or Harry thinki...

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Derren Brown's adverts pulled from the TV

Funny story: Derren Brown's adverts pulled from the TV

Popular illusionist, and mind-bending trickster, Derren Brown has seen the adverts for his new DVD pulled by advertising watchdogs after a series of complaints from the public. Watch is available now and has suddenly surged up the DVD charts after...

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Two Peas in Pod: Ray Allen and Wes Welker

Only Ray Allen may be able to sympathize with Wes Welker. The Celtics ownership did to Ray what the Patriots ownership did to Wes. Whatever fancy words emanated from the front offices of those two Boston franchises, the truth was neither player...

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Mobile Networks to Stop Texting

Funny story: Mobile Networks to Stop Texting

A new law has been invoked to persuade mobile users to speak rather than text. Medical professionals are frequently treating mobile users with Short Thumb Syndrome, a disease which eats away at texting thumbs. Doctor Sawyer of the University of La...

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Penn State Football Will Soon Be History

Funny story: Penn State Football Will Soon Be History

UNIVERSITY PARK, Pennsylvania - Penn State University spokesperson Calhoun "Lips" Lippalino called a press conference and informed the news media that the university has received a certified letter from the NCAA (National Collegiate Athletic Associat...

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Romney confounds the pundits, picks himself as VP candidate

BOSTON (July 18)-Already tiring of the continually mocking, whining criticism from the U.S. press corps, Mitt Romney has decided to end the VP search effective immediately; he announced today that he will run on the Republican ticket as the candidate...

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Taylor Swift Promises No Patrick Schwarzenegger Songs

Funny story: Taylor Swift Promises No Patrick Schwarzenegger Songs

NASHVILLE - Taylor Swift has stated that she really enjoyed visiting with the Kennedy Family at their Kennedy Hyannisport Compound. Taylor was the personal guest of Patrick Schwarzenegger, 18, the eldest son of Arnold Schwarzenegger and Maria Shri...

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A Very Pregnant Snooki Polizzi Looks Like A Bowling Ball With Legs and Arms

Funny story: A Very Pregnant Snooki Polizzi Looks Like A Bowling Ball With Legs and Arms

HACKENSACK, New Jersey - Jessica Simpson seemed to be pregnant for ten months before she gave birth to Maxwell House Drew Simpson-Johnson. And it now appears that one of the stars of The Jersey Shore, Nicole "Snooki" Polizzi just might be giving h...

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Editors Deny Spoof News Articles Sponsorship Deal

Funny story: Editors Deny Spoof News Articles Sponsorship Deal

Editors of several spoof and satire news websites have angrily denied that they have "sold out" and will now allow corporate sponsorship of articles and submissions. One editor, sipping a refreshing diet coke, which is low in calories yet still re...

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Angelina Jolie Disses Jennifer Aniston

Funny story: Angelina Jolie Disses Jennifer Aniston

NEW YORK CITY - The Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie brood of half a dozen youngsters were out picnicking in Central Park. The couple had hired three off-duty members of the NYPD to provide security for the family. No one was allowed to come within...

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Football Gossip & comments 18th July 2012

Funny story: Football Gossip & comments 18th July 2012

(Various) Dundee are chosen, ahead of Dunfermline Athletic, to replace the old Rangers in the Scottish Premier League. I think Dumfermline think they've been dun! (Daily Mail) Midfielder Oscar, 20, has arrived in London with the Brazil Olympic squad and will have a medical ahead of his £25m move from Internacional to Chelsea. All they need now is Luca Toni and Golden Globe for a team w...

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