God: "Barack, I gave you Ryan, I gave you Aiken, I gave you a hurricane in Tampa! Geeesh!"
Reports leaked to the press this afternoon from anonymous sources within the White House confirm that President Barack Obama received a late night email last night from God. They confirm that this was not the first time. According to the source...
Read full storyOutrage as local council adds Morris Dancing to school curriculum
Saddleworth council are keen to keep local pastimes alive for future generations, and it is with much controversy that they are hoping to make Morris dancing compulsory on the local school curriculum. Head of local culture Councillor Winnie Buttre...
Read full storyLocal historical figure remembered on 400th Anniversary of Witch Trials
It's the 400th anniversary of the famous Pendle witch trials of 1612 when 27 women and one man were hanged for allegedly practising the black arts. The one man caught up in the whole sorry business was Isaac Ganymede, who came originally from Delph and only moved to north of Ramsbottom during the Saddleworth riots of early 1600s. He can count himself rather unfortunate, because by accident he...
Read full storyWikileaks editor found hiding in local pub cellar
Wikileaks editor Julian Assange who police believed was still holed up in Ecuador's embassy in London, has been, supposedly, found hiding in the cellar of the Jolly Spunker pub in Greenfield, Oldham. Pub landlord, Alf Trotter, 55, told us " I went...
Read full storyPrince Harry Naked Shock
The shock of seeing Prince Harry naked on the Internet has caused problems throughout Britain. Prince Charles announced that he could not believe 'a son of mine could behave in such a manner'. Prince William said he 'half-believed' Harry had been...
Read full storyRob Green hails five star performance from QPR
New QPR goalkeeper hailed a five star performance from Queens Park Rangers on the opening day of the Premier League season, as he picked the ball out of the net five times in a home reverse to Swansea. Green refused to be downbeat at his new teams...
Read full storyTMZ website shows proof that Prince Harry has a red star tattooed on his rear
The latest snaps of Prince Harry in his hotel suite in Las Vegas have been published on the TMZ website, and show that he sports a bright red star tattoo on his backside. The significance of the tattoo is not known for sure, but that has not stopp...
Read full storyAkin's rape delusions expose a 'Congress of Crazies'
Washington DC - Rep. Todd Akin's recent comments about rape and abortion indicate that he is better suited for long-term stay in a psychiatric ward than he is for a Senate seat. Specifically, he told a television interviewer that in cases of "legi...
Read full storyPrince Harry does a Paris Hilton!
Prince Harry, enfant terriblé and pretty good guy actually, has decided to copy Paris Hilton and Bay Watch Babe, Pamela Anderson, by having naked sex over the internet! The Queen and Prince Philip have just had several cardiac arrests, his father...
Read full storyRon & Fred on The Bible
"Art'noon Fred. What's that yer got there then?" "Oh, it's wunner them bibles." "Bibles? You feelin' alright mate? Get dahn t' yer doctor if yer not feelin' well." "Yeah, course I'm alright. Ten pence it was at that car boot sale they've got on this morning outside that church up the road. Gotta be worf ten pence innit, God's word like." "Nah, I fink you'll find that's not one of the o...
Read full storyLou Reed names Joe 'Take A Walk On The Wild Side' Biden as inspiration behind smash hit single
New York - Decades after hinting heavily that Warhol superstar Joe Dallesandro was the muse behind the 1978 Live: Take No Prisoners album single the truth is finally out. At a press conference in New York today hosted by Cattle Rustler News magazi...
Read full storyIt's Official: Live With Kelly & Michael
NEW YORK CITY - After what seemed like a year and hundreds of guest hosts, the executives of Live With Kelly have finally picked a replacement for Regis Philbin. They pointed out that contrary to dozens of rumors Philbin was not let go because he...
Read full story"You Have the Right to Remain Silent, Honey."
As the press corps in the nation's capital gathered for the press conference of the House GOP leadership yesterday afternoon, they were greeted by Hank Williams Jr. singing a new song he wrote for the GOP convention this month: "When a lady says no,...
Read full storyAngelina Jolie Fed Up With Brad Pitt
NEW YORK CITY - The newly engaged Angelina Jolie, 37, is reportedly quite upset at her soon-to-be husband Brad Pitt. According to her hair stylist the transgendered Delilah Fizz, Jolie is extremely angry and fed up at the fact that since announcin...
Read full storyQPR look to offload Michael Dawson
QPR have placed £9million Michael Dawson on the transfer list - despite the defender yet to agree personal terms on a move to QPR. Dawson is currently negotiating a four-year deal to sign for QPR, but will be forced to accept a sell-on clause for...
Read full storyTestes are 'Prozac factories' says report
London - Women who wear sensible shoes have always suspected as much, shunning their delights over 'chemical cosh' fears. Those suspicions have now been vindicated as a report published today says anti-depressants and mood altering toxins are foun...
Read full storyMartin Shuttlecock's Letters From Barcelona - Day Six - Usain Bolt And The Magic Fountains
Barcelona - El Raval - Sunday: Another hot sunny Sunday in the Catalan capital. For the Shuttlecock clan, there was much to anticipate, for Sunday evenings are traditionally the best times to see the Magic Fountain on the olympic hill of Montjuic in all their spectacular glory. The whole clan were raring to go, and wallow in the Magic Fountain's musical lightshow. All that is, except Mart...
Read full storyEagles Have Landed on Patriots Territory
As far as meaningless preseason games go, the prognosticators and tealeaf readers have gone for bear on the augurs. With the scandalous Red Sox dominating the tabloid pages, the Puritans of Bill Belichick frown on any senseless sinning. Thus, the...
Read full storyRed Sox Improve Fan Vocabulary
The most popular word in Boston this summer is dysfunctional. Thanks to the Boston Red Sox, American League sports fans have a richer lexicon. We now know that when people talk, and no one is listening, that's dysfunctional. When BobbyValentine...
Read full storyKim Kardashian Spotted by Google Earth Near Lost Pyramids
Researchers using Google Earth were amazed recently when they discovered some "lost" pyramids in Egypt. Amazement turned to complete shock when they spotted a beautiful woman near the entrance of one of the pyramids. The woman had long black ha...
Read full storySecret Republican Party Application Revealed
Rarely does a story just fall into our laps here at the Spoof, but that's just what happened when we went to our mailbox this morning and found a large manilla envelope labeled "TOP SECRET". Imagine our surprise when we opened it to find a multiple choice test and accompanying answer key labeled "Application to Join RNC". What follows is the complete application and answer key reprinted. Qu...
Read full storyKristen Stewart Is So Despondent She May Move To Arizona
LOS ANGELES - According to a highly reliable, unnamed, inside source, Kristen Stewart, 22, is saying that she has never been as depressed as she is at the present time. She told the unnamed source that the last time she felt this bad was when she...
Read full storyKirstie Alley Gives Maksim Chmerkovskiy A Stern Warning
HOLLYWOOD - Season 15 of Dancing With The Stars: The All-Stars kicks off on September 24, and some of the celebrities are already making themselves heard. Kirstie Alley, who appeared on season 12, and was paired with "The Bad Boy of The Ballroom"...
Read full storyFacebook: Chad Ochocinco and Evelyn Lozada
FACEBOOK Chad Ochocinco: Hey Evie are you there honey biscuit? 9:03 a.m. Evelyn Lozada: Yeah I'm here, whatcha want fool? 9:06 a.m. Chad Ochocinco: Baby, don't call me a fool. You know it hurts my feelings sugar lips. 9:09 a.m. Evelyn Lozada: Don't you call me sugar lips you mean, hateful, head-butting chump. 9:13 a.m. Chad Ochocinco: I'm sorry about dat babe. I lost my temper a...
Read full storySidebar of Shame Throwaway Celebrity Gossip 23rd August 2012
Tulisa: I need a man with bigger b***s than me I'm sure there are clubs and websites that can accommodate Tulisa in this request. A request for volunteers to measure her balls has so far been inundated. Cheryl Fergison: I'll miss sex while in Celebrity Big Brother Is Sex the name of her pet dog? 'I'm never dieting again!' Claire Richards gives up trying to be slim as she steps out reveal...
Read full storyFootball Gossip & comments 22nd August 2012
Boost for Manchester United shares as investment guru George Soros buys a 7.85% stake on the New York Stock Exchange. (Various) He's told friends as soon as he learns the offside rule, he's going to increase his stake to over 10%. Manchester United's 24-year-old Brazilian midfielder Anderson suffered the ignominy of having his name misspelled as 'Andesron' on his own shirt during the Red Devi...
Read full storyJohn Mayer Lusting For Rihanna
SAN FRANCISCO - Singer John Mayer was recently in San Francisco taking a tour of Alcatraz Prison. He related to Tittle Tattle Tonight that he has always been fascinated by the old prison which shut down in 1963, due to an infestation of vampire bats.
Read full storyGOP Expertise On The How-Dumb-Can-We-Be-And-Get-Away-With-It Index
Alarmed due to developments with Congressman Akin's recent comments on a woman's biological response to "legitimate" rape, GOP representatives are distancing themselves from Akin and suggesting he retire from politics. Stepping into the controversy w...
Read full storyMartin Shuttlecock's Letters From Barcelona - Day Five
Barcelona - Day Five - L'Aquarium. In his own words for once. "It was a weird sort of a day; day five. It kicked off with the kids getting bored in the apartment, so I had a conspiratorial word in the son-in-law's shell, and we decided to take them out for a walk to burn off some of that excess energy. "I don't know if any of you who are reading this know Barcelona at all - if you do, you...
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