"You Have the Right to Remain Silent, Honey."

Written by b kenneth mcgee

Wednesday, 22 August 2012


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As the press corps in the nation's capital gathered for the press conference of the House GOP leadership yesterday afternoon, they were greeted by Hank Williams Jr. singing a new song he wrote for the GOP convention this month: "When a lady says no, she means maybe---when she says maybe, he means yes---when she says yes she's no lady!"

As GOP freshman congressmen giggled, whooped and grabbed their crotches, several stripped naked and tried to jump in a holy water receptacle in the House chapel. Speaker John Boehner tried desperately to quiet the exuberant crowd: "We appreciate our good fiend Hank Williams Jr., his beautiful song, and his contribution to our society. Let's give him big thumbs up!" The rowdy crowd shouted "Hank! Hank! Hank!" Williams grabbed his own crotch and pumped his fist into the air.

Boehner continued with a grinning Eric Cantor at his side. "And a big shout out to Congressman Aiken for telling it like it is!" The Associated Press reports that at this point Congressman Aiken stood up grinning and was carried on the shoulders of several of his colleagues to the podium where he waved and gyrated Elvis style. The GOP freshman reacted in kind as several female staff members hurriedly left the room.

Boehner: "Rape isn't a crime. Is it a crime to love too much? Is it a crime to come on too strong? Is it a crime when you pick up someone at a bar, fall madly in love in thirty minutes, and make love standing up in the women's rest room while she is screaming for help?"

"NO!," shouted the crowd."

Boehner: "So, It is on to the convention and a new America where we will say to all our wonderful housewives and dutiful secretaries, you have the right to remain silent," he paused, "and that's it sweetheart!" He paused once more, waiting for the crowd to quiet down, and his face contorted as he tried to stifle a sob. "And remember those immortal words of Teddy Roosevelt as we march on to the Convention, Walk softly…but carry a big stick!"

The media reports Speaker Boehner then asked the House chaplain to close the meeting with a prayer as the GOP all male choir sang the famous Frank Sinatra song: This Is all I ask---"Beautiful girls, walk a little slower when you walk by me."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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