Akin's rape delusions expose a 'Congress of Crazies'

Written by Michael Balton

Wednesday, 22 August 2012


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What the well-dressed lawmaker is wearing this year.

Washington DC - Rep. Todd Akin's recent comments about rape and abortion indicate that he is better suited for long-term stay in a psychiatric ward than he is for a Senate seat.

Specifically, he told a television interviewer that in cases of "legitimate rape," women's bodies somehow "shut down" an unwanted pregnancy. Perhaps the Tooth Fairy is involved; the congressman didn't specify.

But Akin (R-Missouri) isn't the only politician who harbors deep and dangerous delusions. Here is a run down off some other lawmakers who are also spending a little too much time south of reality.

An environmentally conscious senator believes global warming would abate if everyone ate cold cereal for breakfast.

A lawmaker with expertise in espionage is trying to implicate Mr. Clean in the Iranian money laundering scandal.

A prominent member of the Armed Services Committee is certain that submarines are powered by baking soda and vinegar.

Sen. Chuck Schumer (D-New York) goes out of his way to step on sidewalk cracks.

Another lawmaker from New York is of the opinion that the Mets' Jason Bay is coming out of his slump.

Some Kennedy or other from Massachusetts is sure that fish is brain food, especially when consumed with large quantities of scotch.

A key Republican opposes abortion because "little girls are made of sugar and spice and everything nice."

A key Democrat supports abortion because "little boys are made of slugs and snails and puppy dog tails."

Rep. Nancy Pelosi (D-California) believes that all dogs go to heaven.

All members of the Senate Subcommittee on Financial Shenanigans believe that "a penny saved is a penny earned," unless your banker is Chase CEO Jamie Dimon. In which case, you're in for a whale of a tale.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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