Kate Gosselin Dumps Russell Brand
READING, Pennsylvania - The woman who is employed as Kate Gosselin's nanny Mindy Lulu Lickenfeister has stated that Kate is devastated at boyfriend Russell Brand's infidelity. Gosselin, 37, was told by a close friend that iRumors reporter Taffeta...
Read full storyDaniel Stern saves Macaulay Culkin from drowning
Home Alone star, Daniel Stern was taking a walk with his wife when he looked at the beach and noticed his former co-star struggling in the water. Daniel jumped into action and used his shirt as a rope and pulled Culkin to safety. A man who once tr...
Read full storyRon Paul, Paul Ryan not related, man learns
LINCOLN, MA-Sources confirmed early Wednesday that area man Charles Banway discovered that presumptive Republican Vice Presidential candidate Paul Ryan and Texas Congressman Ron Paul were not related, despite vaguely similar names and near-identical...
Read full storyBigfoot Claims to Have Taken Best Picture Yet of Loch Ness Monster
While vacationing in Loch Ness in the Scottish Highlands, Bigfoot, also known as Mr. Sasquatch, reported taking the best photo yet of the storied Loch Ness Monster. Bigfoot, a three-meter-tall-ape-like creature, was visiting Scotland from his home...
Read full storyMCA Sabotages Beasties, Estate With Hand-Written Codicil To Will
Here's why The Beastie Boys are suing Monster: So THEY don't get sued by MCA's estate, because THEY violated the terms set forth in his Will. Everybody's a fucking attorney, right? Fuck all the school, training and hard work it takes: Throw a cou...
Read full storyNeo Nazi Tells Of Chimp Anguish
A hardened British neo nazi broke down and wept openly in front of reporters last night as he revealed that his married daughter had fled the family home to set up a shelter in The Democratic Republic Of The Congo to care for young chimps abandoned b...
Read full storyMalingerer Prince Philip throws another sickie
Balmoral - "He's been short of breasts - er...breath! - ever since hearing that a 30-stone Belarus woman shot-putter's been stripped," a Castle footman claimed today. "Then doctors found a curious lump developing on HRH's er, person, accompanied b...
Read full storyMove Over, Hard Knocks! Ocho & the Hump are on the Way!
The latest trend for tabloid heart-throbs and Mensa failures is the short marriage for reality TV athletes of football and basketball. Today in court is Kris Humphries, the man formerly of the divorced New Jersey Nets that have taken up with Brook...
Read full storyEcuador orders Julian Assange to quit London embassy
London - The fugitive from justice has been given 48 hours to leave the London legation where he has 'become a burden' on the embassy's fridge, wine store and broadband allowance. Announcing the deadline a source close to Ecuador's President Rafae...
Read full storyKaty Perry and John Mayer - So Who's Using Who?
WEST HOLLYWOOD - As the black Ferrari sped away from the exquisite Café Le French Fry into the Tinsel Town night reporters and paparazzi were left quite puzzled. The question that they were asking each other regarding John Mayer and Katy Perry was...
Read full storyTraining & Self Help Diary For Today's Foreign Affairs Leaders
Dearest Readers, My Name is Les Patterson Junior. I am the number one son to Australia's greatest External Affairs powerhouse Sir. Les Patterson. Dear old Dad taught me allot over the years about Foreign Affairs. He was particularly good at passing on knowledge about the application of masculine wiles to turning business trips into pleasure trips during many Far Eastern adventures of the conge...
Read full storyTool catalogue people now in on act with Olympics
The makers of a popular little catalogue of working tools and accessories, have now got in on the act of trying to equate their products with the recent London Olympics. They have this morning released their new range of wall fixing accessories un...
Read full storyA Bird's Eye View of the State of Affairs in Greece
Want to wonder why Greece is so mistrusted by the rest of the EU? Could be that after we pass laws, nobody acts on them? Example, it was voted ten months ago that members of the public sector would have their salaries cut by 30% - a part of the public sector comprising of electricians, phone and electric workers - the highly paid group of public workers - also they would no longer receive th...
Read full storyRed Sox Players Steal Captain Queeg's Strawberries
Red Sox players have accused Bobby Valentine of stealing the strawberries from the ship's galley, like a team of Captain Queegs on the U.S.S. Caine. Herman Wouk wrote a tale about a fictional American mutiny on a ship at war. In the present day Re...
Read full storyLost your TARDIS? There's an app for that
One of the big problem for galaxy travelling Time Lords is when their TARDIS uses its chameleon circuit to camouflage itself. "I met this one Time Lord," said App World! editor, Mac Buck, "He's parked his time machine in a multi-storey car park an...
Read full storyProms Review: Prom 44
Ligeti, Berio, Xenakis, Harvey, Andriessen, Cage. Byron Fulcher - trombone Sound Intermedia London Sinfonietta London Sinfonietta Academy Ensemble André Ridder, conductor. Pierre Noxious writes: The earlier Prom last night was some nice stuff by Delius, Saint-Saëns and Tchaikovsky played by the Royal Phil under Charles Dutoit and featuring hot property young ivory-tickler Benjamin Gro...
Read full storyRob Pattinson Is First Vampire to Ring Opening Bell at NY Stock Exchange
The staid institution may never be the same after Tuesday's history-making event. Some onlookers reported that Pattinson, wearing a Gucci suit and sporting a rather conservative hairdo, looked more like a Wall Street executive than a vampire.
Read full storyEvelyn Lozada-Johnson Files For Divorce From Chad Ochocinco
DAVIE, Florida - Former NFL wide receiver Chad Johnson, formerly known as Chad Ochocinco, and his wife the erotically sultry Evelyn Lozada-Johnson are headed to the Big D (Divorce). Their amusement park ride marriage which only lasted 41 days has...
Read full storyPaul Ryan Slips Up And Says He Hates Rap Music
TARBORO, North Carolina - Paul Ryan of Wisconsin, Mitt Romney's vice-presidential running mate pulled into Tarboro, N.C. on his Widow's Peak GOP Vice-Presidential Campaign Bus Tour. Ryan spoke before a crowd of between 21 and 29 people, who had as...
Read full storyKaty Perry Exposes Her Bare Butt At Water Park
Katy Perry has enlisted in the Paris Hilton Agencies growing roster of celebrity clients. Any time there is blatant exploitation of a celebutant you have to start thinking, is this a Paris Hilton media manipulation? Paris was behind the Lin...
Read full storyRussell Brand Caught Tongue Wrestling With Kat Von D
HOLLYWOOD - Russell Brand is reportedly still upset that he was not invited to be a special guest of Queen Elizabeth II, during the Summer Olympics in London. Prior to the Olympics, Brand had bragged to his girlfriend Kate Gosselin that he was cer...
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