Neo Nazi Tells Of Chimp Anguish

Written by Cary Grunt

Wednesday, 15 August 2012


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A Disgraced Neo Nazi Hiding His Shame On The Way Down The Pub Last Night

A hardened British neo nazi broke down and wept openly in front of reporters last night as he revealed that his married daughter had fled the family home to set up a shelter in The Democratic Republic Of The Congo to care for young chimps abandoned by their mothers or left orphaned by illegal poaching.

Josef Won, a 60 year old Salford pet shop owner, has spent a number of years behind bars for various race hate crimes and driving without due care and attention and is believed to be a leading figure in the notorious Manchester City soccer hooligan gang "The Last Word".

He sobbed as he revealed, "I cant believe she's done this to us. She's brought shame on the entire family and to say her mother's in bits is an understatement. We wouldn't have minded if she'd chosen to give shelter to any other species of animal such as cats or dogs that have had a bit of a tough time of it but Chimps!

"Right from when she was little I've always told her to steer clear of primates, I explained Darwin's theory of evolution and how it links gorillas and suchlike to the more poorly developed members of the human race until I was blue in the face and impressed upon her that once you start giving succour to monkeys of any description it's a recipe for disaster and only a matter of time before they start taking diabolical liberties.

"You could start off with a friendly pat on the head for a gibbon and then before you know it the whole country's full of Mandrills, Barbary Apes, Howler Monkeys and the like, all living off the backs of zoo keepers and Stately Home owners without contributing a brass farthing to this great country of ours.

"Before you know it they'll be breeding like rabbits and we'll have em driving the buses and working in old people's homes and that. It's too diabolical for words to be fair about it and I'm ashamed to call my daughter a family member.

"From this day forward my door's firmly closed to her and as for her bringing any of her bloody primate friends home for tea with her mother and me of a Sunday she can think again!"

Late last night we managed to track down his daughter, Mabel, to a small clearing in the jungle in what used to be The Belgian Congo from where she issued a statement to reporters: "My dad's got the arsehole has he? Good because I only did it to piss him off. Just wait till he finds out I've married a Pakistani MOT tester from Shoeburyness!".

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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