Evelyn Lozada-Johnson Files For Divorce From Chad Ochocinco

Written by Abel Rodriguez

Wednesday, 15 August 2012

image for Evelyn Lozada-Johnson Files For Divorce From Chad Ochocinco
Evelyn Lozada-Johnson-Ochocinco will walk away with half of Chad's $6 Million.

DAVIE, Florida - Former NFL wide receiver Chad Johnson, formerly known as Chad Ochocinco, and his wife the erotically sultry Evelyn Lozada-Johnson are headed to the Big D (Divorce).

Their amusement park ride marriage which only lasted 41 days has broken the sports marriage record previously held by Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries which was 72 days.

Evelyn filed for divorce on grounds of Malo Ipso Cabeza Buttitis, which in layman's terms means she got her noggin head butted.

She told the judge that she still has a tremendous headache from being headbutted by Chad while he was wearing his Miami Dolphins football helmet.

Chad also hit her on her knockers with a football and poured a whole ten-gallon container of orange Gatorade all over her.

Ochocinco (#85) has since been fired for unsportsmanlike conduct and is no longer a member of the Dolphins team.

He asked Evelyn to give him one more chance but she refused saying that next time he might kick her in her crotch region and it could possibly affect any future intimate relationships she may have with other NFL or NBA players.

Evelyn says that the only thing she wants are her expensive clothes, shoes, jewelry, cosmetics, CD's (Certificates of Deposit), and half of his $6 million.

She pointed out that Chad can have all of his football jerseys, his football pants, his damn football helmet, his half dozen jock straps, and his case of Glow-In-The-Dark Condoms.

[EDITOR'S NOTE: I spoke with Dottie Bazooka, a reporter with Sports Balls Illustrated Daily and she told me that Evelyn told her that she is just glad that she did not get the tattoo of the number 85, on her derriere like Chad had been after her to get.]

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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