New York Man Realizes He Has No Friends
Mitch Hamilton of New York City wondered how he could feel so alone in a city with 8.5 million people - especially when he had tons of friends! There was his best college buddy, Jason McKinney, who lived in Brooklyn. There was Alyssa, whom he'd me...
Read full storyBNP marches in support of local Indian restaurants
The British National Party has launched a Bring Back the Best of British food campaign as the party moves increasingly into wider areas of the political and social sphere. In initiative which hopes to play on voters fears about the uncertainty of cur...
Read full storyKhloe Kardashian and Lamar Odom's Reality Show "Khloe & Lamar" On The Verge of Being Cancelled
HOLLYWOOD - Lamar Odom has had his share of trouble on the basketball court and now it appears that those troubles could be carrying over into his reality show world. Sangria Wine with TV ClickerWorld has stated that she recently spoke with an ins...
Read full storyFour Horsemen of the Apocalypse to give keynote speech at GOP convention!
In a late afternoon press conference on Friday, Reince Priebus, Chairman of the Republican National Committee, announced that the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse would give the keynote speech at the GOP convention this summer. Seasoned observers...
Read full storyManchester Derby: Manchester City great; Sir Alex Ferguson grates.
A solitary goal by Vincent Kompany in the Manchester derby gave all three points to City tonight, who are now keeping United 'company' at the top of the table with 83 points. FOLD TRAFFORD? The noisy neighbours City completed a league double ov...
Read full storyDennis Skinner Says "I can't Retire. I've Got Tory Zombies to Slay".
Dennis Skinner has come back fighting after he was cruelly told to retire by David Cameron. He said "I can't leave the House, its got zombies, and I won't leave until every one of them is gone" Dennis first joined the fight against the zombies in...
Read full storyPresident Obama Tells Troops To Spike The Ball When They Kill Taliban Insurgents
BILLINGSGATE POST - The Pentagon is currently deciding what disciplinary action will be taken for President Obama's gloating over his successful assassination of Osama bin Laden twelve months ago. Just recently, the four Marines snipers who were p...
Read full storySubway and Starbucks open branches on Death Row
Two of the world's largest brands have opened branches inside Death Row at New York State Penitentiary to serve last meals and drinks to the inmates before they go for the needle. "It's a bold move," said Subway chairman, Simon Simple. "We believe...
Read full storyGE to Buy Phurken Industrial Plumbing Supply
Financial industry insiders from a shared mergers and acquisitions cubicles in the sub-let financial offices of the Katz Deli basement, today reported a General Electric leveraged buy out of family owned Phurken Industrial Plumbing Supply. Private...
Read full storyFA choose Roy Hodgson because he's boring and they hope England fans will not notice a thing...zzz!
The eventual choice of Roy Hodgson as England's footy manager is a sensational, master move; in fact the best they have made since appointing Alf Ramsey, but then the times were different, very! Roy is so boring he will send England fans to sleep...
Read full storyBank of America Expresses Solidarity with Occupy Wall Street Activists by Handing Out Credit Card Applications at Occupy Events
Bank of America CEO Brian Moynihan is grateful and proud to be part of the 1% that possess nearly all of the nation's wealth. Nevertheless, Moynihan hasn't forgotten about the 99% who aren't quite so fortunate - far from it. "I've been blessed," h...
Read full storyRajon Rondo of The Boston Celtics Explains That He Was Pushed, Tripped, and Ended Up Being Knocked Into The Referee
ATLANTA - The first round of the NBA Eastern Conference Playoffs ended up with the Atlanta Hawks upsetting the Boston Celtics 83-74. The guys in green (Celtics) may have lost more than the game as Rajon Rondo (#9) received two technicals and was e...
Read full storyRooney Gives Another Granny One (Autograph - Calm Down)
Manchester United striker Wayne Rooney today freely admitted that he'd given yet another Granny one - an autograph that is. And this isn't the first time it's happened. Usually when people see the words 'Rooney' and 'Granny' together in a headline...
Read full storyEagerly Awaited Manchester Derby Cancelled
In a stunning last minute development, it's just been announced that the keenly anticipated Manchester Derby has just been cancelled, leaving Sir Alex Ferguson "gutted and as sick as a parrot." The hottest ticket in town just a few hours ago is no...
Read full storySkoob1999 Inducted Into Spoof Hall Of Shame
Certifiable idiot, Skoob1999 has finally achieved his lifelong ambition, by being inducted into the Spoof Hall Of Shame, in Hog Jaw Arkansas, alongside such Spoof writing luminaries as Wonky Moods, Feargal McCartney, Duncan Disorderly, the Queen Moth...
Read full storyNASA Boffins Gather In Manchester
Space boffins from NASA and universities around the world are gathering in Manchester for a rare opportunity to study a cosmic phenomenon tonight. It is believed that representatives from the astrophysics community will be descending on the myster...
Read full storyScott & Bailey Bows Out - Wish the Blokes Would, Says Critic
As the popular detective series Scott & Bailey comes to the end of its latest run tonight, viewers around the country will be breathing a sigh of relief. Tonight's episode sees Rachel (Suranne Jones) on the wrong side of the interviewing desk...
Read full storyLocal Man Pays £300 To Have 3,000th Spoof Published As Wife Runs Off With Dodgy East End West Ham Loving Car Mechanic
A distraught Martin Shuttlecock, one time Dorking resident, now of Titchfield, somewhere near the Isle Of Widget, today revealed that he has been forced into paying £300 in order to have his latest Spoof news item published. "Ten pee a story doesn...
Read full storyHarry Redknapp Furious At Roy Hodgson Appointment
Harry Redknapp has wished Roy Hodgson well after the Football Association approached the West Brom manager for the England role yesterday. He also said he did not hold any grudges at being overlooked. The Spurs manager's bottom lip quivered as...
Read full storyExhumation latest! Vatican 'accepted one billion lire' bung to inter Queen Mother in RIP Pope's basilica
Rome - The Queen Mother's remains were secretly taken from the Transylvanian Crypt at Windsor Castle and reburied at the Vatican. The 2003 move saw her interred next to Hitler's Pope Pius XII with whom she had a son who became President George Bus...
Read full storyDurham Plans To Join Oxbridge - Top Academic 'Not Interested'
Durham University plans to become the "Oxbridge of the North" with an ambitious plan to hire 50 extra professors and develop innovative areas of research. Like Oxford and Cambidge, historic Durham operates a collegiate system, but it has never ran...
Read full storyBombs Away as Rajon Rondo Turns into a Super Nova
What's worse? Is it an Intercontinental Ballistic Missile, a suitcase dirty bomb, or Rajon Rondo? Your multiple-choice answer will determine your road to the future. The problem for the NBA and the Celtics is that Rondo is all three options.
Read full storyGodzillus - a 450 million year old something discovered!
Befuddled evolutionists are chomping at the bit following the discovery of a something they are calling Godzillus. Engineer Ron Fine found the something whilst digging for fossils, and this one is no tiddler, but nine feet long. Although no-one...
Read full storyOsama bin Laden's Hot Bestseller Books
It seems some of our most beloved Middle-eastern dictators penned a few novels before their untimely demises. Omar Khaddafi had written a romance novel before his beating by his own people and his buddy Saddam Hussein before his capture had written four romance (!) novels and had finished another in his prison cell before his execution. One of the books had been made into a twenty part television...
Read full storyThe Los Angeles Lakers Win Their Opening Playoff Game Against The Denver Nuggets: Kobe Asks, "Metta World Who?"
LOS ANGELES - The Los Angeles Lakers helped to put smiles on two of their biggest fans actor Jack Nicholson and producer Lou Adler as they defeated the Denver Nuggets 103-88 in game one of the NBA playoffs. Nicholson, 75, and Adler, 78, who are re...
Read full storyHealth Minister Andrew Lansley classifies 'Binge Spoofing' as a Mental Personality Disorder!
Bartholomew Utterswaithe (65), a former Street Gas Lamp Wick-trimmer, lighter, and extinguisher from Nottingham, is the first person to be officially graded/classified as a 'Binge Spoofer' by the NHS. We visited Mr Utterswaithe's GP, a very pretty...
Read full storyLevaquin approved for treating plague, but not soon enough to prevent Black Death
HARFOLD, Vt. - Levaquin (levofloxacin) has been approved by the FDA for the treatment and prevention of the plague. The only problem is that the FDA's decision comes some 665 years after the new drug would've done any goddamn good. "Unless you sen...
Read full storyThe Wonderful Wacky World of Politics - Intro By Gary Busey
That infamous actor Gary Busey once said, "The wonderful wacky world of politics is kinda like a great big bowl of fruit. Some of the fruits are apples, some are bananas, some are lemons, some are kumquats, and some are coconuts but the bottom line is that they are all friggin fruit." Here are some statements, comments, sayings, rants, quotes, diatribes, observations, tirades, harangues, and st...
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