The Dorking Sentinel: More Letters To The Editor
Dear Sir, I write to you as it were a cry du cur from the heart, having had the misfortune to have read an article in your weekend supplement just gone. The weekend has just gone, I mean, not the supplement, which is still laid on my escritoire, ready for the recycling bin. There was I, in anticipation of reading some picturesque passages about Dorking's lovely scenery, on account of the hea...
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Hillary announces for 2016! Karl Rove enters re-hab!
When the DC press corps arrived at Karl Rove's home late Thursday night, they viewed a spectacle that no one ever expected to see. After hearing on a police scanner that there was a problem at the Rove residence, most of the media was at the home as...
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Ozzie Guillen Manager of The Miami Marlins Apologizes Saying "Beisbol, Cheese My Life"
MIAMI - The ownership of the Miami Marlins giving in to fan pressure from the Cuban-American community has issued a five game suspension to manager Ozzie Guillen. Guillen, who spoke on Miami's Channel 123 using subtitles stated that he is very sor...
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The Mystery Of Puddleby Cove - Featuring The Spiffing Six - Episode Eight
Warning - this starts getting sinister now. Up until this point, it's basically just been a lot of silly twatting about, but that couldn't go on forever. This is The Spoof, and they don't take too kindly to pointless twatting about on here. They want loads of explicit sex and pervy lesbian stories involving bars of soap, nuns, Shetland ponies, George Foreman Grills, and a bit of additional, doggy...
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Credit card frauds hack into Spoofers credit card; Bastards!
Beware all credit card holders, they can hack in without you even knowing! Well known average Spoofer, Jaggedone, me, has just had his credit card hacked to the tune of 3500,00 Euro's (Thank the Lord it wasn't more!) and they even cracked the sec...
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Osborne's Terrible Shock
Chancellor George Osborne has been shocked to discover that multi-millionaires in Britain are, on average, paying income tax at about 10/%. 'I am happy to provide these good people - the creators of wealth who stand between this country and disast...
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Who Do You Think You Are?
Being somewhat surplus to requirements now that Wills is back home and able to service Kate himself, Prince Haribo, the ginger minger decided to bugger off to Europe for the Easter. After perusing the internet the minger found himself a cheap deal i...
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Stratford residents get free passes to all events at the games
Lord Coe is to sell his home in central London complete with 400m running track and cross country course for a record £300 million - according to Fox & Bride property magazine today. Coe is said to be devastated that the hosepipe ban means he...
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Rioter selected for Team GB
A man spotted wielding scaffolding poles, lumps of concrete and car doors is the surprise selection for Team GB this summer. Renton Frewshire was apprehended by police in Hackney last summer after turning over their car and spinning it around. How...
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Do You really need that shower?
Have you ever felt an insatiable desire to shower though not smelly or dirty? If yes, you may be gunning for your funeral! According to Dr. Richmond Percy of the Institute of Mental Welfare, Paris, this may be the sign of something sickly, a water-re...
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Hipster Havoc! Hipster's Friends Discover He's Country Music Fan
Russell Moody's hipster friends had always found it tough to pinpoint Russ's musical tastes. Russ, a longtime resident of Greenpoint, Brooklyn, generally told his buddies he liked "such a crazy range of music" that it was impossible to categorize in...
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The Manuscripts of John A Statusboast III
Heya OMG I just had that awkward moment when you're so bored that you forget to wipe, ooh smelly fingers. Anyway I got so bored that I came on Facebook, but then Facebook bored me so I logged off but then I got bored so I went on Facebook, soooo random right? Gonna have myself a big Facebook mooch tonight. I've got the popcorn on tap and a whole case of blue wkd's. Mom's gonna be so pissed when...
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The Manuscripts of John A Statusboast II
Time for a friend audit me thinks, EVERYBODY'S gotta know about this so I'll put it as my status for at least 5 days, or until I get 50 comments on it. Makes me feel like a g6 like a g6 like a g6 you know. I don't give away my friendship that easily so some people have just got to learn where the line is and know that they shouldn't cross it, know what I'm saying yeah my house my rules. Welcome to...
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The Glass Scimitar Chapter One; A Porlock Soames Adventure
Being An Excerpt From The ReminiscencesOf Dr James H Flotsam, M. D.,late of the Secret Service Medical Department Chapter One: Mr Porlock Soames In the year 1878 I took my degree of Doctor of Hatmaking from the University of Budleigh Salterton, and proceeded to Aldeburgh to undergo the course prescribed for surgeons in the Secret Service. Finding that I was refused entry to the students'...
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Compulsory drug testing of MPs announced
London - "I'm damned if I let some Met rookie swab the insides of my, er, gob," Nick Clegg snarled today as the announcement was posted on Speaker Bercow's blogsite. The Deputy PM's protests come amid reports that police armed with new drug testin...
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Pundits Suggest That Wigan Defeat May Just Be Another Fergie Mind Game
Not everybody was surprised by Wigan Athletic's 1-0 victory over a rather lethargic Manchester United last night. Or by the good grace with which Sir Alex accepted the loss. "Manchester United were awful last night," said pundit, Mark Sleepyhead.
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Men In Hats Make Better Lovers
A study has revealed that men who wear hats make more sensitive, caring lovers. The study, compiled by Maureen Svetlenska, owner and operator of Just Hats, the world's largest hat supplier, issued her findings last week. The hat mogul found tha...
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Philippines Brace For North Korea Rocket Impact - Nuclear Warhead Could Destroy Cebu
Philippine President Noynoy Aquino has ordered the Philippine Armed Forces to DEFCON 1 as North Korea's Kim Jong-un orders a rerouting of North Korea's ballistic missile towards the Philippine islands. North Korea rerouted the launch path after Japan...
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Smells Fishy? Fish claimed to be 17 million years older this week than last week!
Crackpot evolutionists are today pulling their hair out following the annoying news that a new Coelacanth fossil has been discovered. The Coelacanth is already a particular pain in the evolutionists bottom as it is still alive and well today. The...
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Isle of Wight News - Tsunami threatens island
A tsunami alert for the Isle of Wight has been issued by the UK Met Office after a landslip in Cuba has sent a wave travelling in our direction. "The tsunami is currently three centimetres high," said Met Office spokesman, Matt Welcomme. "It was c...
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My Half an Hour as a Woman
If you haven't already read my week as woman by spoof writer IainB I point you in that direction without further ado - pure comedy gold - in comedy they say write about what you know - and what can you know more about than your own day to day life... I'm not sure I could last a week but it did stir memories of something that happened to me almost 15 years ago - when I wore a dress to win a pool...
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'Disney Gateway' Airport At Centre Of 747 Emergency Row
Giggsair's new French airport was at the centre of an airline industry row today following a mid-air emergency. Paris-Vatry-Disney was opened last week to howls of derision in the Press as the no-frills airline claimed it was the ideal arrival poi...
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My week as a woman - day five
I had a startling choice on the fifth day of my forfeit. Having eaten more chillies than me, and completed a one thousand piece jigsaw faster, my wife had decided to teach me the meaning of female pain by exposing it to me for an entire week. When I awoke on the Wednesday to the sound of my alarm going off at ridiculous o'clock, I remembered that I had to go into the office. My wife had told me...
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Dancing With The Stars to Feature Spoof Writers
The corridors of TheSpoof.com are quiet these days, as many of its writers are in California, practicing to compete in a special DWTS just for spoof writers. Many are doubtful that they can create good performances. Only time will tell. TV per...
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Kim Kardashian and Kanye West Keep Denying They're An Item - But We All Know Better
BEVERLY HILLS - Kim Kardashian was sitting in a plush chair at FuFi Fondue's Haven of Hair Salon on Rodeo Drive when she was asked by Fondue how things were going with her and her new love interest Kanye West. Kim grinned and said that she really...
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AG Holder: 'The heart of Dixie needs by-pass surgery and is going to get it!
SANFORD, FL (ABSNN) Attorney General Eric Holder told the press today that "The Heart of Dixie needs immediate by-pass surgery," in the wake of the shooting death of Traynor Martin, a black teenaged gang-banger at the hands of a white man, George Zim...
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The Bartholomew Uttersthwaite Column: Hospital Local Elections Survey
Bartholomew Uttersthwaite had originally been out on his mission to obtain the views of the Nottingham public, on the upcoming Local Elections, but suffered failure in that attempt. Bartholomew Utterswaite Column - Local Eklections Survey Hence this, his second effort, done during his stay in ward E19 of the QMC hospital in Nottingham, as a result of his first attempt. As soon as he started to...
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Paris Hilton, Cameron Diaz, and Samantha Brick To Star In "We're Just Too Darn Pretty For Words"
HOLLYWOOD - Word coming out of Tinsel Town is that TouchRock Pictures in association with Cinema Castle Films will soon begin production on Sheboygan Saddlewood's We're Just Too Darn Pretty For Words. The motion picture will star Paris Hilton, Cam...
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Canadian Woman Arrested For Stalking Alec Baldwin
NEW YORK CITY - A Canadian woman identified as Genevieve Sabourin has been arrested for allegedly stalking 30 Rock actor Alec Baldwin. According to Tilapia Frisbee with The Right Coast Illustrated Revue, the 40-year-old woman from Montreal was arr...
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Facebook Buys Everything for Ten Zillion Dollars
The entire universe--all that is or ever shall be--is now the legal property of Mark Zuckerberg, a spokesman for Facebook announced today. In exchange for a previously unheard of sum, everything, including you, has been absorbed by the corporate ent...
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Toyota Recalls 4.2 Million Vehicles Over Faulty Cup Holders
WASHINGTON-Toyota Motor Corp. said Tuesday it will recall 4.2 million vehicles in the United States, the company's largest-ever U.S. recall, to address problems with normal-sized cup holders that could result in oversized drinks spilling and lead...
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My Senior Moments for W/E: 15th April 2012
Monday 9th April 2012 * Up at 0300hrs - To the WC, cup of tea, pain killers, to the WC, on the Spoof, up to the WC, spill tea over me knees.. luckily it was no longer hot, to the WC... usual morning up to now (0505hrs). Tuesday 10th April 2012 * Up and on the web at 0020hrs this morning. Determined to keep any senior moments to a minimum! Wednesday 11th April 2012 * Went over too see Stew...
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Florida's "Stand Your Ground" Law Inspires "Shoot 'em While You Can" and Other Initiatives
Despite its controversial status, Florida's "Stand Your Ground" law has suddenly inspired new legislation in Texas, Oklahoma, and Georgia. Texas: The legislature is currently considering a bill known as the "Shoot 'em While You Can" initiative. Su...
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