Written by P.M. Wortham

Monday, 30 April 2012

image for GE to Buy Phurken Industrial Plumbing Supply
Those Phurken toilets are Phurken awesome.

Financial industry insiders from a shared mergers and acquisitions cubicles in the sub-let financial offices of the Katz Deli basement, today reported a General Electric leveraged buy out of family owned Phurken Industrial Plumbing Supply.

Privately held for more than a century but substantial in size boasting more than 5000 employees, the Phurken family has developed a solid reputation among commercial building designers for producing some of the most durable and stylish vitreous bath components on the market. "We never advertised our Phurken company name", says current President, William "Bud" Phurken, "but the quality of our Phurken products were so good, customers always came back for more".

"And that's what GE sees in this acquisition", says financial analyst, Kenny Pinchlophe. "The company still enjoys a steady stream of orders for new and replacement components that stand up to industrial or commercial use, regardless of economic conditions. Those Phurken products are top quality and a good value".

Kenny Phurken elaborates; "Architects and interior designers will often ask for a Phurken unique design of a urinal or a sink to match a particular theme, and of course nobody can beat our Phurken toilets. Those mothers will flush just about anything", says Phurken, "and they're reasonably priced. Now that's Phurken value".

Details of the buy out have not been made public, though Bud Phurken expects the terms will be favorable for both his family and his employees. "I don't expect anything but exemplary treatment of the Phurken family or my Phurken employees", says Bud Phurken. "You won't find any of our business partners jerkin a Phurken".

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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