Bank of America Expresses Solidarity with Occupy Wall Street Activists by Handing Out Credit Card Applications at Occupy Events

Funny story written by Chrissy Benson

Monday, 30 April 2012

image for Bank of America Expresses Solidarity with Occupy Wall Street Activists by Handing Out Credit Card Applications at Occupy Events
Occupy Wall Street protestors weren't quite sure what to make of Bank of America's "Occupy Credit" credit c

Bank of America CEO Brian Moynihan is grateful and proud to be part of the 1% that possess nearly all of the nation's wealth. Nevertheless, Moynihan hasn't forgotten about the 99% who aren't quite so fortunate - far from it.

"I've been blessed," he told a gathering of Occupy Wall Street activists in New York City's Bryant Park, just opposite the Bank of America Tower. "It's that luck of the Irish thing, I guess. But not everyone is Irish, or lucky. I'm well aware of that, and you shouldn't be ashamed of who you are, even if you're not white or Irish or rich."

He added, "But that doesn't mean you can't live like you're white, Irish and rich right now! That's what credit cards are for."

Occupy activists were clearly taken aback at Moynihan's words. They remained markedly silent apart from some whispers of disbelief ("Is he serious?") and a few ironic calls of "Right on, brother!"

Apparently interpreting the quiet as rapt curiosity, Moynihan continued, "Bank of America would not exist if not for the common folk, like yourselves. In that sense, we are one people. And for that reason, as a token of the bank's appreciation, we're offering you a special deal on an 'Occupy Credit' credit card. There's no interest at all for the first 30 days, and after that, the interest rate is only 16%. As you can see in the flier, there's even an 'Occupy Credit' logo at the top of the card."

At Moynihan's cue, several dozen Bank of America employees began circulating among the activists, handing out credit card applications and Bank of America pens.

"It's a great deal, obviously, but no pressure," the CEO assured the protestors. "And the pens are yours to keep, even if you choose not to apply for a card."

Shortly after the event, Moynihan was overheard remarking to his aide, "Who'd have thought I'd be hanging out with hippies? But Occupy Wall Street is one of the major events of our time, and you know, it feels amazing to be a part of it. I get it now."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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