NASA Space Shuttle Discovery Secretly Plans Second Career
Retired by NASA, he's being dumped at the Smithsonian Institute in Wash., D. C., and he's not at all happy about it. In a special "after-hours" (that's when the space shuttles have a magical ability to talk, an ability limited to about eight hou...
Read full storyGeorge Zimmerman Will Invoke Skittle Defense In Trayvon Martin Killing
BILLINGSGATE POST - It could have been Tostitos, it might have been Sour Patch Kids or Fruit Loops; but it wasn't. When Trayvon Martin was gunned down by George Zimmerman, he happened to be stuffing his pie-hole with Skittles. While Reverend Al Shar...
Read full storyAbu Qatada sent to Jordan
Theresa May has announced that she's sending preacher Abu Qatada back to Jordan. Qatada was deeply distressed by this and said 'No, please don't make me go. Jordan makes me dress in pink hot pants and every night she sings at me until I scream. I wou...
Read full storyElderly man arrested in NC carrying a placard that reads-"Will Work for Sex!"
Reverend T. J. McCorkle of Louisburg,NC, was arrested late yesterday afternoon at the intersection of Hwy 561 and Hwy 401 in Louisburg, NC. He was carrying a sign that reads---"Will Work for Sex. Police say they had observed Reverend McCrkle fo...
Read full storyMitt Romney Chooses Mitt Romney Cyber Clone as VP
Amidst the media's speculation about presumptive Republican presidential nominee Mitt Romney's choice for a running mate, it came as a major shock today when he announced his decision: Mitt Romney has chosen Mitt Romney. When asked what would happ...
Read full story62-Year-Old Bachelor Decides to Date Only Age-Appropriate Women in Their 30s
After several failed relationships with women in their early to mid-twenties, 62-year-old* bachelor Nick Candlewood decided to date only age-appropriate women in their thirties. "There are some very smart, mature 25-year-olds out there," remarks N...
Read full storyA Listing of Names of Countries And Where Their Names Came From
World renown expert on countries Zorbatini Teakettle has just published his 17th book. His latest publication is titled The Origin of The Word Samoa and Some More Country Name Origins. Mr. Teakettle, a native of Woonsocket, Rhode Island, has personally traveled to 195 of the world's 196 countries. He recently appeared on The View and was asked by co-host Whoopi Goldberg, which is the only c...
Read full storyHairy Bikers Fall Foul Of Italian Style
Popular motor-cycling TV cooks, The Hairy Bikers, have some embarrassing encounters in tonight's episode of their latest programme. For the last few weeks in the BBC's The Hair Bikers' Bake-ation, Si King and Dave Myers have been motor-cycling aro...
Read full storyDorking Police Search Garden For Human Remains
Police in Dorking were at the centre of a row today after digging up a local garden. Officers from Dorking Central Division, accompanied by dog handlers and an armed response unit descended on 34 Lucknow Gardens shortly after 7am. "We wanted to...
Read full storyFacebook Reunites Long-Lost Vague Acquaintances
When Dave Anderson received a Facebook friend request from a man named Matthew Becker, initially he had trouble placing the name. "At first I thought he might be the little brother of an old childhood buddy of mine," he said. "But then I remember...
Read full storyWorlds fastest snooker star will play worlds slowest in World Snooker Championship
The worlds fastest snooker star will play the worlds slowest in the first round of the World Snooker Championship this saturday at the Crucible in Sheffield. Dutch Rocket Ronnie O'Hareman and Peter 'Tortoise' Elbow will cue off at 10am on Saturday...
Read full storyTrevor McDonald In TV Fracas With Hollywood Legend
Former ITN newsreader, Sir Trevor McDonald, will be seen getting into a fracas with a Hollywood movie star tonight. Sir Trevor can currently be seen presenting his new series The Mighty Mississippi, the second episode of which airs tonight at 9 on...
Read full storyAbu Qatada to be extradited to Seer Green & Jordans
Buckinghamshire - Residents of the posh Chilterns enclave promised today not to torture the old terrist bastard ahead of Theresa May's statement in the House of Commons. Months of worry that some villagers might be tempted to follow the 'concrete...
Read full storyTate Gallery Snubs Dorking Artist In Latest Blockbuster
A Dorking painter is furious after once again being snubbed by a major art gallery, writes EIF News & Features Art Correspondent, Proserpine Gainsborough-Halfwit. London's Tate Britain has announced that its big autumn show this year will be t...
Read full storyPippa Middleton's Arse On Full View In Paris
Royal sister-in-law Pippa Middleton had her arse firmly on show in Paris this weekend. The Queen-to-be's sister was in the capital for a party, and was seen getting in to a convertible, when reporters surrounded them. The arse, famous for being a...
Read full storySomething is Rotten and Amiss in Red Sox Nation
Sometimes it takes being hit on the head with a 2x4 or a brick thrown by one of the Three Stooges. We begin to see more motives for a murder than Agatha Christie ever planned. Bobby Valentine has caught our attention at last. If Bobby were a p...
Read full storyObama wants investigation into Secret Service sex scandal
WASHINGTON --- President Obama has appointed a Blue Ribbon Commission to investigate the integrity of the Secret Service, following reports of $47 happy meals with hookers in Cartagena, Columbia.
Read full storyDancing With The Stars - Katherine Jenkins Has The Best Looking Legs in The History of The Dance Show
HOLLYWOOD - Judge Carrie Ann Inaba paid opera singer Katherine Jenkins quite a compliment as she stated after Jenkins and her partner Mark Ballas had performed their Argentine Tango that the Welsh singer has the best looking legs of any female contes...
Read full storySimon Cowell Offers Justin Bieber $15 Million To Be A Judge On X-Factor
HOLLYWOOD - Simon Cowell has already signed Britney Spears to fill one of the two X-Factor judges positions vacated when the "Viceroy of Venom" fired Paula Abdul and Nicole Scherzinger back in January. Reports are several noted celebrities have tu...
Read full storyYorkshire 'Gravy Man' Ken Mither "Fair Thraped" Following Whistle-Stop Dorking Visit
Yorkshire 'proper gravy' campaigner, Ken Mither of Cleckhuddersfax, West Yorkshire, was relaxing at home last night after taking his 'Proper Gravy Wi Chips' campaign all the way to the Surrey town of Dorking, having made the visit in one day on a day...
Read full storyNapoleon Society of France Gourmet Dinner to be Held in June 2012
Paris France: The Napoleon Society of France (NSF) has announced a 200 year anniversary gourmet dinner, commemorating Napoleon's Russian Campaign of June 1812. Napoleon Bonaparte (1769-1821) crowned himself Emperor of the French and King of Italy in 1804. The NSF will host the dinner in the Waterloo Grand Ballroom of the Paris Hilton hotel. Guest speakers throughout dinner include President of...
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