62-Year-Old Bachelor Decides to Date Only Age-Appropriate Women in Their 30s

Funny story written by Chrissy Benson

Tuesday, 17 April 2012


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Although Nick and his 26-year-old ex had great chemistry, Nick admits that he was practically old enough to be her father.

After several failed relationships with women in their early to mid-twenties, 62-year-old* bachelor Nick Candlewood decided to date only age-appropriate women in their thirties.

"There are some very smart, mature 25-year-olds out there," remarks Nick, "and the chemistry was very much on track. But sometimes we'd miss each other's contextual references. And really, when you think about it, I was practically old enough to be their father."

Nick, who lives on New York's Upper West Side, thinks that the most age-appropriate women for him are probably in their early thirties. He's not imposing any hard-and-fast age limits, though, and is open to dating women who are 35 or even 36.

"But when you start getting into 37 or 38, that's pushing it a bit," he explains, "because women always lie about their age. If they say they're 38, that means they're at least 42. So I'd say the sweet spot for me is about 32 or 33."

Nick, a self-described "youthful" 62, has been single his whole life. He considers himself a great catch, as he owns his own photography business and is financially stable in that he is entirely caught up on his rent and expects to owe very little in taxes this year. He is socially conscious and uses public transportation, but he has owned a car in the past.

Nick also takes good care of himself. He has fast food no more than three to four times per week, almost always eats breakfast, and stays away from caffeinated coffee after 4:30 p.m. He's also pretty clean-living; he largely refrains from hard drugs and smokes pot only when he has it in the house.

"Not to toot my own horn," he states modestly, "but I think some 32-year-old hottie would be lucky to bag me. I look great in the right jeans, and I feel pretty good. They say you're only young once, but as I see it, you can be immature forever."

Nick is by no means an ageist; he's gone out with women in their late thirties and even early forties. However, he found that he didn't have that much in common with them, as they were looking for different things. Another drawback to dating 40-something-year-old women, Nick found, was that he'd like to keep open the option of starting a family someday, when he's ready.

"I'm not bound and determined to have kids," he confesses, "but I haven't ruled it out."

For that reason, Nick has ruled out post-menopausal women.
*In the spirit of full disclosure, Nick later revealed that his chronological age is actually 65; however, he feels that 62 more accurately expresses his "natural" age and biological condition.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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