North Korea Warns Beijing On Philippines Plan To Annex China
North Korea has issued a warning to Beijing suggesting the Philippines had planned to occupy and possibly annex China in the next few years through a series of subtle migration of Filipino workers to Chinese cities. Pyongyang discovered through c...
Read full storyHasbro Introduces "Tot Taser" Series
Hasbro, the world's second-leading toy manufacturer, has introduced a new series of devices for use by parents: the "Tot Taser" series. CEO Brian Goldner emphasized that the Tot Taser series does not represent a shift in Hasbro's business focus fr...
Read full storyHow to Identify Unusual Types of Scandinavian Fish
Scandinavian fish! What are you talking about man? Why would I waste my precious time learning about something that I'll never have occasion to use? Well, you may say that (and in fact just did), but what if you were given a free cruise around the coastline of Scandinavia as a thank-you gift from a close relative eh? You could hardly refuse to take it, could you? It would be impolite for a star...
Read full storyTexas Nude Maid Service Being Looked Into By The Texas Rangers
LUBBOCK - The Texas panhandle city of Lubbock is noted for sorghum, tumbleweeds, prairie dogs, Texas Tech University, and for being the birthplace of Buddy Holly. But today, it is making national and international headlines due to the fact that T...
Read full storyBrits prefer fatty snacks than steamy sex!
65% of UK citizens prefer indulging in a bag of crisps or a pizza rather than having "hot sex"; a latest survey has proven. In fact choccy biscuits and doughnuts are more loved before people got to bed than a lovely "hot sausage" in the "hot cross bu...
Read full storyNew Zealand to be renamed New Zooland
The double island nation of New Zealand is taking the bold step of making both islands national parks and taking the world's species to roam free in one giant zoo. "New Zealand has a vast range of habitats," said tourism minister, Hacker McClacker...
Read full storyCRIKEA to sell flat-pack six-packs
Men who wish to improve their midriffs are now able to save time and energy with a super new self-assembly kit. The Swedish company CRIKEA have developed a balsa-wood based set of rippled abdominal muscles easily assembled from a handy flat-pack.
Read full storyCompensation Claim
The American government has decided it will pay out $1billion in compensation to several Native American tribes for "mishandling of Native American monies and properties". Or in civilian speak "for robbing the shit out of a people and culture". Th...
Read full storyHeathrow Passport Control Queues: Tough Tits, Says Official
Members of the UK Border Force are enjoying holding up people trying to get through passpoprt control at Heathrow, we can reveal. Waiting times have been seriously affected by the Easter holidays with some passengers waiting for more than an hour...
Read full storyAre you a fan of The Only Way is Essex? There's an app for that
The producers of The Only Way Is Essex have released their own applelet for the iPhone called the iJazzle. "I downloaded this app," said App World! editor, Mac Buck. "I've got to be honest and say: uh?" The app applies pictures of diamonds to e...
Read full storyStar Truk: episode one: What a gay day!
"Warped factor ten Mr Zooloo" commanded Captain Skirt. "Aye aye sird" answered first mate Zooloo. "We only go up to warped factor eight" interrupted Lieutenant Spook. "What happened to the other two?" enquired Skirt. "Left them at home sird" said Zooloo. "Ask Engineer Snotty to give us all he has got" ordered Captain Skirt. "Hey ho" replied Pekoff. "Stop that!" shouted Lieuten...
Read full storyDNA "Conclusive!" Thomas Jefferson was Obama's Father
COLLEGE PARK, MARYLAND (ABSNN) DNA has proven "conclusively" that Thomas Jefferson, the third US President, is the true father of Barack Obama who now sits in power in the White House. Scientists at the University of Maryland claim "the findings put...
Read full storyMystery Of 'Sonic Boom' Explained
The mystery surrounding the infamous sonic boom heard across the south of England has finally been explained, as government officials released a statement this afternoon. Panic stricken witnesses flooded the emergency services with calls after the...
Read full storyDwight Howard Smiles Though His Heart is Breaking
Dwight Howard admits he needs to keep his mouth shut more often, show fewer teeth, and stop smiling like the shark from Jaws. He gave this pronouncement in a nationally televised interview for ESPN. Looking into the eye of Hannah Storm, the Sup...
Read full storyLong lost Stonehenge Mona Lisa discovered
London - The restoration and complete overhaul of a 15th century copy of Leonardo da Vinci's Verging On The Rocks has revealed a new version of the Mona Lisa. Sitting surrounded by Stonehenge's awesome monoliths the Florentine beauty wears a crims...
Read full storyTax Helpline Cures Local Man's Insomnia
A local man was full of praise for HM Revenue & Customs today after using their Self Assessment helpline. He claimed that trying to sort out an issue with the Cardiff-based tax office led to him enjoying the "best sleep I've had in months."...
Read full storyCurse Of Friday 13th Befalls Blackburn Man
Friday the thirteenth is a day to be feared. Many people choose to stay in bed on the traditionally unlucky day, named after the slasher film franchise starring the un-killable Jason Vorhees. But few suffer the misfortune that befell Terry Gilchri...
Read full storyLocal Man Stubs Toe, Converts To Christianity
A local man converted to Christianity this morning following an accident in his sitting room. Mr Ethelred Verbatim says the incident happened around 6.45am as he was preparing to go to work. "I nipped into the sitting room to put the telly on t...
Read full storyLocal Man Cuts Self Shaving, Questions Legitimacy Of Razor Manufacturer
A local man is questioning the legitimacy of a major razor blade manufacturer following an incident in his bathroom this morning. Mr Ethelred Verbatim says the incident occurred at around 6.30am during his morning 'rituals'. "I was getting shav...
Read full storyMy week as a woman - day six
There is obviously something deeply wrong with me. I didn't think twice about the morning routine this morning. It's day six, the penultimate day of my forfeit for losing a bet with my wife on who can take more pain, men or women. I have spent the last five days experiencing several aspects of female pain. This morning, I removed the hair that had grown overnight around my thighs, moisturised, dre...
Read full storyAmerican Idol Shocker! The Best Singer Jessica Sanchez Is The Lowest Vote Getter, But The Judges Save Her From Elimination
HOLLYWOOD - In what is probably the biggest shock in the entire eleven seasons of American Idol, the odds-on-favorite to win Jessica Sanchez actually received the fewest votes of all of the seven contestants. But she was graciously saved thanks to...
Read full storyA Great Divider (and good with colors too)
Researchers for Arizona's famous Sheriff Arpaio have been in contact with several of Barack Obama's teachers and classmates from his elementary school days in Malaysia. Arpaio, a critic of and target of the Administration, has been in the news latel...
Read full storyKe$ha To Be The Opening Act On Rihanna and Chris Brown's "Forgiveness Concert Tour"
ATLANTA - A spokesperson for hip hop rapper Chris Brown has just announced that the plans for The 2012 Rihanna and Chris Brown "Forgiveness Concert Tour" have been finalized. The couple will kick off their 29-city concert tour at The Tumblin' Tumb...
Read full storySerial Rater Goes On Bloody One-Star Rampage
SAINT PAUL, MN--In what police have described as "a complete waste of our time," local spoof writer Greg Johnson has reportedly gone on a blood-filled, one-starring rampage, leaving an estimated 17 articles in his wake. "We have no idea why he did...
Read full storyMitt Romney Still Debating Obama Care in New Jersey
Presidential candidate Mitt Romney surprised a crowd of New Jersey citizens today when he said that, if elected, there is at least one provision of ObamaCare that he would not retract. The announcement appeared to be at odds with his former pledges...
Read full storyAngelina Jolie Tells Nadya "OctoMom" Suleman That She'll Take All 14 of Her Kids - Brad Pitt Goes Ballistic!
PROVENCE, France - Angelina Jolie read an article about the financial plight of Nadya Suleman alias "OctoMom" in the supermarket tabloid Say What? and she decided to contact the mother of 14. Jolie was able to obtain Suleman's phone number from La...
Read full storyNorth Korea Blames Philippines For Rocket Failure
North Korea has attributed the recent rocket launch failure to the Philippines. According to Pyongyang, the North Korean rocket was subjected to electronic warfare waged by Philippine IT experts hidden in a bunker deep under Malacanang, the president...
Read full storyBaseball Manager Changes Tune on Castro … or Does He?
Suspended Miami Marlins manager Ozzie Guillen says his "I love Fidel Castro" remark was misinterpreted because his Spanish is the polar opposite of the Spanish dialect spoken by Cuban American in Miami. "My Venezuelan Spanish is far more elegant...
Read full storyHyper Warp Drive Commercial Passenger Plane Leaves for Mars
Denver CO: Ares Space Lines (ASL) announced its inaugural hyper warp drive flight of mid-November 2050 from Denver International Airport to Marsport, carrying 300 paying passengers, has been sold out. Marsport is a settlement on the planet Mars popul...
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