SAINT PAUL, MN--In what police have described as "a complete waste of our time," local spoof writer Greg Johnson has reportedly gone on a blood-filled, one-starring rampage, leaving an estimated 17 articles in his wake.
"We have no idea why he did it," said police chief Frank Goebler at the press conference. "But quite frankly we don't care. We have much more important things to attend to.
Blood was collected at the scene of the crime, most likely the result of a cuticle the suspect recently picked on his right index finger, according to sources.
Early reports say the number of spoof articles that were brutally one-starred are in the range of 15-19, but an exact number has yet to be released to the media. The titles of the victims are also being held at their author's request, and there's still no word yet on whether or not it was a premeditated act.
The suspect, Greg Johnson, who has been writing articles for the website The Spoof since February 13, has never shown any outward signs of aggression, or so his close friends claim.
"I can't believe he would ever do such a thing," said his friend, Joe McGowan. "I mean, sure, he would occasionally think that the stuff other people wrote was complete and utter garbage, but he would never act on such thoughts. He would usually just give stories he thought were total horse shit four or three stars, two at a minimum. Or, at least, that's what I thought before tonight," he added, sobbing.
As of press time, the suspect has yet to be located, but experts are saying he is most likely still at his home, on his computer, watching random cat videos and whatnot.
