Texas Nude Maid Service Being Looked Into By The Texas Rangers

Funny story written by Abel Rodriguez

Friday, 13 April 2012


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All of the cleaning equipment is tested to make sure that it is "Maid Friendly." (Photo by Rico Chorizo).

LUBBOCK - The Texas panhandle city of Lubbock is noted for sorghum, tumbleweeds, prairie dogs, Texas Tech University, and for being the birthplace of Buddy Holly.

But today, it is making national and international headlines due to the fact that The Woman's Touch Maid Service has made a little change.

The WTMS is owned and operated by Essie Belle Tuckahoe, 34, and it is now different from every other cleaning service in that all of its maids perform their cleaning duties in their birthday suits or as they say in the Ozarks of Arkansas, naked as a jaybird.

According to a report which appeared in The Lubbock Windy Gazette, Governor Rick "Electric Chair" Perry has ordered that the Texas Rangers investigate the new nude cleaning service and see if its operations are legally legal.

Miss Tuckahoe spoke with Fajita San Guacamole of Hollywood Innuendo, who asked her how she came about this interesting business. She smiled as she took a sip of her Apple Margarita and answered that it first came to her in a dream.

She said that her cleaning business was not doing very well and one night after about three or eight Apple Margaritas she fell asleep on her living room couch while watching an old rerum of Gilligan's Island.

When she woke up she realized that she had dreamed about turning her cleaning service into a nude cleaning service.

The next morning she called a meeting of her 12 female employees and ran the idea past them. All agreed to continue working for her except for one Flora Sue Cuttycorn, 24.

Flora Sue said that her grandmother Sarsaparilla [Pronounced: SAS-PUH-RIL-UH] Cuttycorn, 86, who is a lifelong member of Lubbock's First Hallelujah Church of The Llano Estacado (Staked Plains) said that she did not want for her to work in the nude for fear of getting cleaning products on her crotch region.

Miss Tuckahoe told San Guacamole that since changing over to a nude cleaning service her business has increased by 900 percent. She grinned as she said that she is booked all the way through Halloween.

When asked what she charges her clients to clean their homes she replied that she charges $100 an hour for one nude cleaning maid or $150 an hour for two nude cleaning maids.

Tuckahoe stressed the fact that each of her maids is absolutely gorgeous and on a scale of 1 to 10, each one is a definite 10.

She was asked what prevents her naked employees from getting hit on. She raised her eyebrows and pointed out that all of the maids have been trained in the art of self defense and are experts at karate, judo, kung fu, tae kwon do, and kickboxing.

Tuckahoe also noted that a client would have to be an absolute space cadet to even think about trying anything with any of the maids. She explained that each maid is wired with a wireless listening device which looks just like an earring.

The 'earring' transmits everything that is going on to a burly company security guard who is sitting outside the house in a company car.

SIDENOTE: Miss Tuckahoe says that business is so fantastic that she is thinking of opening up nude maid cleaning services in Dallas, Houston, San Antonio, and Laredo.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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