Trayvon Martin's Mother Files Paternity Action Against Obama
Sybrina Fulton, the mother of Trayvon Martin, the teen who was shot and killed by a self-appointed neighborhood security guard, has filed a paternity action against President Obama, seeking back child support for the 17 years of Trayvon's abbreviated...
Read full storyZimmerman's Conversation With Hannity Revealed
Sanford, FL - In a bombshell press conference yesterday, defense attorneys Hal Uhrig and Craig Sonner revealed to the press that their former client, George Zimmerman, had spoken with Fox News commentator Sean Hannity. That same evening, Hannity too...
Read full storyNorth Korea to launch rocket, but they don't know where it's going!
North Korea are about to launch a rocket and the world is holding it's breath at the eventual consequences, shock, horror! Obama, Cameron, Merkel, Sarkozy, Fred Bloggs, etc, have all warned North Korea not to do it, but as usual the North Koreans don...
Read full storyNational Humiliation New Logistical Key to Success
ATLANTA - Wanna win a national championship? Get UPS to air a TV ad featuring your team getting crushed as an example of excellent logistics. Just ask the University of Kentucky. For the 2012 UK Wildcats men's basketball team, UPS did just tha...
Read full storyNorth Korea Explains Planned Missile Launch Is Research for New Video Game
After Secretary of State Hillary Clinton expressed grave concerns regarding North Korea's planned ballistic missile launch, North Korean leader Kim Jong-un explained that the missile launch is simply research for a new video game. "We are not a vi...
Read full storyBettany Hughes Admirers Warn Off Frustrated Alice Roberts Fans
Admirers of historian Bettany Hughes are sending out warning signals to fans of rival TV boffin babe, Alice Roberts, as they prepare to watch her latest series, Divine Women tonight. As has been reported in these pages ad nauseum followers of anat...
Read full storySecret To Success Finally Revealed By Simon Cowell
Simon Cowell, high trousered music mogul and inventor of the sarcastic put-down to already inferior people, has sensationally revealed the secret to his fantastic success in everything he does. Parsnips. That's right, parsnips. And lot's of them.
Read full storyFoyle's War Steps In As Midsomer Murders Goes Missing... Where's Barnaby When You Need Him?
Fans of hit TV sleuth show Midsomer Murders are up in arms today as their favourite series seems to have gone missing. Without a European Champions League match to show in their prime time 8pm to 10pm slot, ITV would normally be expected to screen...
Read full storyAceh quakes trigger massive gas bubble in Chevron's Barrow Island Gorgon project
Indonesia - Two huge shocks that rattled the quake-torn province of Aceh, Indonesia this morning may have dislodged vast sub-oceanic reserves of trapped natural gas off the coast of Western Australia according to reports. The Carnarvon Basin gas f...
Read full storySantorum bows out. Gingrich disappears from Google Search!
When Rick Santororum bowed out of fhe presidential race yesterday, the media immediately began seeking a comment from Newt Gingrich. He was nowhere to be found! As the journalists frantically tried to find him, one enterprising reporter did a Google...
Read full storyCheap pubs adopt cheap flights business plan
A new brewery chain has introduced really cheap drinks at pubs throughout the U.K. EasyCheap Breweries now offer beer and wine at rock-bottom prices in more than ten pubs. Customers who book in advance are able to obtain the cheapest drinks. A...
Read full storyFinal Straw As Dudley Cowboy Has Horse Clamped
Swayne O'Garrett, the UK's last surviving cowboy, has sensationally hung up his spurs, as a run of bad luck left him 'tormented and disillusioned'. O'Garrett became a talking point around his home town of Dudley, West Midlands, after parading the...
Read full storySherri Shepherd Will Quick Step On Back To "The View" After Getting Eliminated From "Dancing With The Stars"
HOLLYWOOD - The Dancing With The Stars ballroom is beginning to look more like a professional hockey arena as two of the top dancers are nursing injuries. Maria Menounos, who is paired with Derek "The Dancing Dude" Hough, last week broke two ribs...
Read full storyEating disorders proven to be hoax
The Government today released a statement declaring that eating disorders are not/have never been real, and instead have been an elaborate hoax, created by two friend's in the 1980's. "It is a shame that so many people have chosen to fall for this...
Read full storyCharities Fear Losing Large Donors
Following Downing Street's threats to close loopholes used by the rich to avoid tax, charities fear they may lose their largest donors. Prime Minister David Cameron said that multi-millionaires were using donations to charities that do little work...
Read full storySlicing the Red Sox Baloney
Carl Crawford has taken a page out of the Josh Beckett medical encyclopedia. The latest issue is Carl Crawford's newly discovered sore elbow. This is totally unrelated to his thumb or his sore wrist that was surgically repaired. The Sox injurie...
Read full storyHadrian's Wall Given £500,000 Boost
English security services and locals were celebrating today after they learned that Hadrian's Wall had secured a £500k SITA grant. The £537,185 grant has been made to help fund a project, managed by Hadrian's Wall Heritage. Said a Heritage spok...
Read full storyCo-operation causes bigger brains - claim guess who!
By now regular readers of this reporters stories will detect a tedious pattern to my stories. There seems to be a remarkable trend in so called science reports which turn out to be nothing more than half baked evolution propaganda. Today's whimsical...
Read full storyToys for foetuses are set to be the next big thing
Babies like to play. As any third trimester mother will tell you, they like to start playing before they are even born. From swinging off the placenta to going through the dance routine from Grease, they never stop moving. With the latest range of...
Read full storyPrenatal Brain Training? There's an app for that
Parents want their children to grow up super intelligent, despite the bullying that will ensue at school. Although there is no scientific evidence that brain training games allow people to be better at anything other than brain training games, it is...
Read full storyMy week as a woman - day four
I had somehow managed to almost strangle myself during the night, and I woke up as tired as when I went to sleep. The nightie was described as sexy. I now appreciate that the moniker was attached by somebody who had never worn it. Red lace may leave little to the imagination, but it should not, under any circumstances be worn by anyone with skin. Lace may be the sexiest material on the planet, but...
Read full storyBubba Watson, Dr. Watson, and IBM Computer Watson Star in New TV Show
It's a Reality Show. Its name, you ask? The Three Watsons, of course! Early reports say that the three celebs are having a difficult time getting along with each other. No problem, experts say, as controversy fuels Reality TV. But maybe not...
Read full storyThe Bartholomew Uttersthwaite Column: Local Elections Survey
Nottingham freelance news-hound and reporter Bartholomew Uttersthwaite (69), has been out on the streets of the City Centre, to get the views of the local proletariat on the upcoming local elections in three weeks time. It was originally intended for him to go on his '1954 Raleigh Superbe Roadster' pushbike, to enable him to get around the new pedestrian routes to interview the public. But one...
Read full storyArtificial Intelligent Intellectual Pen 3000 - an advertisement
Can't write? Can't muster up that urge of literary brilliance that adorns the page like a symphony of unwritten prose just waiting for ink to touch parchment. Just write and go. The new Artificial Intelligent Intellectual Pen 3000 now with new improved Creative AI (tm). For all those moments when your feeble human brain says, "Fuck you higher functions! I ain't playing ball. I want to destroy...
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