Slicing the Red Sox Baloney

Funny story written by Ossurworld

Wednesday, 11 April 2012

Carl Crawford has taken a page out of the Josh Beckett medical encyclopedia.

The latest issue is Carl Crawford's newly discovered sore elbow. This is totally unrelated to his thumb or his sore wrist that was surgically repaired.

The Sox injuries to the big stars that have shot their arrows into the air seem to be inexplicable and deadly as a black hole.

Without warning or previous augurs to alert the team that the high paid athletes may be out, the saga of Beckett and Crawford continues.

This is not the first time this deplorable Red Sox regime has shown all the good judgment of Caribbean dictator.

If memory serves, the last Red Sox player who was beset with a variety of minor injuries that grew like Topsy into stints on the disabled list was none other than Jed Lowrie. Not till his patron saint and guardian angel Theo Epstein left town in a Deus ex machina move did the Sox see the foibles of Lowrie.

This may not be a big surprise. For five long years, the king of hangnails, headaches, and apathy, reigned and roamed the right field for the Red Sox.

In case you forgot his name, it was J.D. Drew. If the Red Sox want a special new wing for Fenway Park to fit in with all the other new elbows of memorabilia, they ought to consider "Injured Hypochondriacs On Big Contracts."

There were others who deserve Honorable Mention (like Bobby Jenks). The legacy of tough guys playing baseball in Boston may have ended with Curt Schilling's bloody ankle sock.

We'd lift a toast to the injured Red Sox, but our thumb hurts from a hangnail, our wrist aches, and now we feel a twinge in our elbow. And we are woozy from too many muscle relaxants.

We are also waiting on a diagnosis of mononucleosis.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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