Super Mario Monti takes over Italy
Popular Nintendo character Super Mario has been elected into Italy's top office to help get them out of their economic hole. "It's a good a job I am so good at collecting them there coins, eh?" said Mario Monti. "I collect them and I put them into...
Read full storyWant people at your party? There's an app for that
It has been a problem down the centuries that has finally been solved by MyWay Apps: How to get people to your party. "This is a great App," said Mac Buck, editor of App World!. "If I had more friends, it could possibly be indispensable." The A...
Read full storyRogers rogered by rogerers
A group of gamblers called Gamblers Against Songs about Hustling (GASH) are suing Kenny Rogers over his vague gambling advice that he gives in the song "The Gambler". Tad Jizzmop lost $10,000 at the Mugs Casino in Las Vegas. He said, "I knew I was...
Read full storyStacey Solomon Spotted Shopping In Sainsbury's
Celeb spotters are reporting that former X-Factor contestant, Stacey Solomon, the face of Iceland, has been spotted shopping in Sainsbury's, in Dagenham, Essex. Bystanders revealed that although they couldn't be 100% certain that the lady they spo...
Read full storyMonti's Pythonesque Appointment
After literally days of fighting, Italy have finally chosen a leader to replace outgoing randy prime minister Toni Berlusconi. Mario Monti is a snake-like character, who admits he is no 'adder', but is leaving the economic mathematics to his advis...
Read full storyDinomania! Hits the UK
Dinosaurs are being breed in secret at England's London zoo. The top secret plan is four floors underground at the zoo. Scientists have hatched five eggs so far but the problem is they don't know what the dinosaurs are! Its thought there was a mix up...
Read full storyCombat - June 9th 1944 - Northern France
The very earth itself shook, shuddered and trembled as it was rent virtually asunder under the incredible violence of a massive artillery bombardment, as the allied infantrymen swarmed up the ridge at dead of night. Searchlight beams criss-crossed the enveloping darkness, ineffectively trying to illuminate the nearby German positions, by bouncing the light back off the low cloud cover, as artil...
Read full storyDave'll fix it
The BBC is trying to bring back 'Jim'll fix it' as a tribute to the late Jimmy Saville. They are hoping to persuade non other than Prime Minister David Cameroon to host the knew series. It's thought he's interested in a job as a presenter after his t...
Read full storyBrazilian police take over huge slum and don't know what to do with it!
The largest slum in Rio de Janeiro, called Rochina, has been taken over by Brazilian police and now they don't know what the hell to do with it. The take over took place without a huge amount of violence and the main reason was to clean the place...
Read full storyTNT To Replace The NBA Basketball Games With Reruns of American Idol - Season 1
ATLANTA - Turner Network Television which televises many of the NBA's basketball games has just announced their new re-adjusted television schedule. A spokesperson for TNT, Winston Twickenbuck, spoke with Achtung Zumwalt of TV ClickerWorld and inf...
Read full storySpitting At Minorities Plan Rolled Out
As part of its 'Challenge Austerity' measures, the government today published plans to allow spitting at minorities in trial areas. The hitherto taboo practice, known to enthusiasts as 'fleming the goat', will be allowed anywhere in the home counties...
Read full storyRick Perry: "Israel, Is that where the Jews are?"
At last nights debate, the question of aid to Israel came sup. Rick Perry was the first to speak. Perry: "Israel, is that where the Jews are from?" The moderator confirmed this was true. Perry: "First of all, I don't think we should send aid to anybody!" The Tea Party crowd cheered. Perry: "Also, I don't think we should send aid to anybody who doesn't say who they are!" The crowd c...
Read full storyUgly hats on even uglier wannabe divas mar annual Cenotaph parade
London - Roadkill millinery enthusiasts are having none of it, of course, but today's display of hideous royal headgear nearly cracked Outside Broadcasting camera lenses at the annual Whitehall memorial service. "At least Prince Andrew's gargoyle...
Read full storyTooth Fairy Sues Omega Auction House for Sale of John Lennon's Tooth!
London - In court in London today the Tooth Fairy filed a lawsuit against Omega Auction house for selling a tooth belonging to the late John Lennon. "This tooth was never properly put under a pillow for me to take by Mr. Lennon,therefore I should...
Read full storyNot opening up
William Ross Wallace (1819 - May 5, 1881), American poet, wrote, "Rainbows evermore are hurled; For the hand that rocks the cradle". According to Wallace it is the mother's hand that rules the world. Well, does this include the criminals ruling the world, or corporate CEOs who stick to 'End-justifies-the-means axiom'? Anyway, who is the woman in the saying: 'Behind Every Successful Man, There is A...
Read full story95 year-old granny from Braintree "brains" burglar with her brolly and is found guilty of GBH!
A 95 year-old granny from Braintree was awoken in the night by a strange intruder hoping to burgle her pension and silver crucifix. The granny from Braintree always kept her brolly at the side of her bed and as the burglar intruded she "brained" him...
Read full storyEngland beat Spain after only touching the ball once!
England managed to beat Spain last night in a sensational fashion, they only touched the ball once in earnest! The free kick that baffled the Spanish defence hit the post and Lamps got his bonce stuck in the way. The Spanish playing their ticka-...
Read full storyParis Hilton To Attend East Asian Leaders' Summit
(Yangon) - Paris Hilton has been invited to attend a series of East Asian leaders' meetings in Bali, Indonesia next week, Siri the quirky iPhone personal assistant announced this weekend. Paris who is in Bali to open a new handbag shop is underst...
Read full storyA Party for Ted
Why a surprise party for Ted? Surely there is more deserving of such a great hullaballoo than him. There are people in the world more in need of a good surprising than Ted. Ted would not enjoy a surprise party very much as he has always liked his surprises few and far between so if it is to be done then we must keep our distances ladies and gentleman. Now he has always liked people to be a darn...
Read full storyJustin Bieber is now Barack Obama's Dad
To the surprise of everyone, it turns out that Justin Bieber is Barack Obama's dad due to a recent secret marriage to Obama's once thought dead mom. It turns out that Obama's mom, Ann Dunham, never died of Uterine Cancer as was reported, but instead...
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