To the surprise of everyone, it turns out that Justin Bieber is Barack Obama's dad due to a recent secret marriage to Obama's once thought dead mom. It turns out that Obama's mom, Ann Dunham, never died of Uterine Cancer as was reported, but instead had run away with an alien from the planet of Zing-Bing-A-Bong, which is really far away. So far that one cannot get there on a single tank of gas which definitely rules out trying to get there with one of those electricity type cars.
Not to appear to be a complete whacko, Obama made up her death having no idea that its disclosure would have actually enhanced his political career instead of hurting it.
His mom, it turns out, grew tired of her marriage to Quing-Ding-A-Dong who spent his entire time eating Squishy-Bishy-Bons and watching American Idol. She recently left him and jumped on the Zing-Bing bus to Earth, although she did have to transfer at the planet of No-Be-Where where we she only had to pay 35 cents for the transfer.
Details about how Bieber and Ann Dunham met are quite sketchy, but they did have a nice private wedding on Disney World's roller coaster, Big Thunder Mountain. It should be noted that Ann Dunham threw up only twice on Justin Bieber during the ride which they took 20 times.
"This is quite awesome", proclaimed President Obama. "I've always wanted a real dad to spend time with to go fishing and to fulfill my dream of having my dad be my little league football coach where he would punch my lights out whenever I fucked up".
What makes things even more bizarre is that Obama's half brother, Mark Okoth Obama Ndesandjo, has recently married Sarah Palin who left her husband due to his factual knowledge of history. Which now makes Palin, his sister Sarah.
Better yet, Obama's aunt, Zeituni Onyango has just announced her marriage to North Korea's dictator, Kim Jong II which now makes Kim Jong II Obama's Uncle Kim.
This should make for a very colorful family reunion.
When Obama was asked where this left former Vice President and distant relative Dick Cheney, Obama replied:
"Didn't you hear? He's his own grandpa".
