London: The Department of Pain and Servitude released a statement yesterday on changes to the pension age of UK citizens.
From next week the old fashioned, and some would say completely unfair system of fixing the pension age for everyone to sixty something will be replaced. Instead your pension age will be an index linked function of your age. It will in fact be set to your current age plus one year, recalculated every year.
"We think this is a massive improvement", said Gaylord Soggy-Biscuit OBE, a spokesman for the department.
"Young people on job seekers allowance who see no way out of the unemployment trap can now look forward to retirement in just one year".
"Currently we have a disgruntled population of workers in their late thirties and forties, who are now realising that at their age, their counterparts in Greece have their feet up in a comfy chair with a tartan rug over their knees, a daily prescription of retsina on the national health and eight different pensions paid for by the Germans. Quite frankly people are annoyed. This new system means that every adult, regardless of age can look forward to retiring next year, for the rest of their lives."
"Of course, all of the old crocs currently drawing a pension will only be eligible to continue receiving payments next year, immediately removing one of the major financial burdens on the country."
The spokesman concluded his statement to the press with a rendition of that famous song from the musical "Annie".
