Drunk Lindsay Lohan Falls in Bar and Spills Purse, You Will Never Guess What Spills Out of it
A very, very drunk Lindsay Lohan was leaving a Venice, California bar at closing time when she suddenly stumbled and fell down spilling out the contents of her purse. When the purse hit the floor, an estimated 100 Get out of Jail Free cards spilled...
Read full storyOne Woman's Search for the Stereotypical British Guy
For some, the quest for love has them make up false claims about themselves on internet match making sites. For others, they rely simply on hanging out at Starbucks with their laptops hoping the attractive doctor they've been eying for a month will finally say hello. Yet, there is a woman in Montana, who has decided to go for guys named David. Not just any David will do either. She's looking f...
Read full storyBad Economy Inspires New Cooking Show: "Fun With Crumbs"
A new cooking show will explore the many ways inventive and desperately poor cooks can utilize crumbs to make luscious recipes. With the bleak economy and most people unable to afford pricey ingredients such as milk, eggs and flour, the Get Real...
Read full storyWilliam assassination plot largely self-inflicted says Libyan Ambassador
London - The desperate soundbite grab of shameless self-publicists scaling the attention ladder. That's how Omar Jelban, disgraced Libyan Ambassador to the Caught of St James's, described the latest conspiracy theory. This sees delayed gratific...
Read full storyJustin Bieber Says That He Has Decided To Press Charges Against The Sydney, Australia Egg Tosser
SYDNEY, Australia - Young singing sensation Justin Bieber says that it will take more than half a dozen eggs tossed at him to deter him from doing what he loves more than anything else in the world - and he giggled and remarked that no he did not mea...
Read full storyKate Gosselin Has Stated That The Nude Photos of Sarah Palin Have All Been Burned
READING, Pennsylvania - After skirting the issue for several months Kate Gosselin, star of the hit reality show Kate Plus 8, has finally addressed the question of the infamous Sarah Palin nude photos. Gosselin agreed to speak with LaTuna LaTundra...
Read full storyNina Dobrev Hints That She Would Love To Have Ian Somerhalder's Baby
NIAGARA FALLS, New York - One of the nicest and happiest couples in the nation Nina Dobrev and Ian Somberhalder was vacationing up in beautiful upstate New York. They had flown into Niagara Falls for the weekend before returning to Hollywood to shoot an upcoming episode on their hit show The Vampire Diaries. As the couple sat at a quaint outdoor cafe they were asked by a member of the entert...
Read full storyFitness Guru Jack LaLanne Exposed As Fraud
Iconic American diet and exercise guru, the "Godfather of Fitness" Jack LaLanne, has been exposed as a fraud. Even though he ate healthy all natural foods and juices, carried out a daily and very self-disciplined exercise regimen, and maintained a p...
Read full storyPrince William bares his Soul
After a great day of pomp and circumstance watched by over 40 billion people worldwide (including over a million prisoners in the UK on their TV sets), namely his wedding to Kate Middleton, Prince William has announced that he is to postpone his imme...
Read full storyYahoo To Honor Ya-hoooooooos
In honor and recognition of the Ya-Hoooos after which Yahoo named itself, Yahoo has announced it will hold a big noisy tacky party in Dallas, Texas with big vats of BBQ, Country-Western honky tonkin boot scootin music, pig racing, beer swilling and...
Read full storyWhat Television Audiences Didn't See At Kate And Wills Wedding
A Spoof writer can now report what truly transpired at Westminster Abbey during the wedding of Kate Middleton (a commoner) and Prince William, he of royal blood, or as wobble-head Prince Charles might shrug, "Whatever that means." Seems that when...
Read full storyFish Pedicure NOT recommended
Twenty-five people in the sleepy suburb of Birmingham, a small town near Hinckley, were left bemoaning the loss of their feet after visiting a fish pedicure boutique in the town centre. Dozens more had lost toes, and one had an unintentional gender r...
Read full storyKim Kardashian Dates A White Man
CalabasASS, CA - In earth-shattering news coming out of Tinsel Town, Kim Kardashian, one of the three whorish sister stars of the reality show, "Keeping Up With The Kardashians", was seen dating an actual white man last night at Club Mango in Nort...
Read full storyKermit the Frog considering presidential "run"
In the days since Multi-millionaire Donald Trump has decided to begin pursuing the Republican Presidential nomination, it seems that more "takers" are coming out of the woodwork. But, who would have thought that a mild-mannered frog might decide to...
Read full storyThe Unwitting Designer in Intelligent Design turns out to be people
In a remarkable turn of events, it transpires that humanity is tailoring the biosphere of Earth, proving once and for all that they are the designers mooted by the sham-science, scaremongering, opiate for the unimaginative: Intelligent Design communi...
Read full storyPrince William Marries Katie Holmes By Mistake
The much anticipated Royal Wedding became a Royal Embarrassment Friday morning. The world watched in horror as Prince William married the wrong Kate--actress Katie Holmes. The Queen was overheard to whisper, "The horror! If he had to marry someon...
Read full storyPlayboy To Be Renamed "PlayTweet"
New York - As aging, tottering Playboy magazine drags its way into the 21st century, Hef's two sons are poised to take over from where dear old dad left off. However, they realize things have to change to keep up with the times. "We're like, yo...
Read full storyDallas Cowboys Select Pippa Middleton In NFL Draft To Be On Cheerleading Squad
With the ninth pick in the eight round of the NFL draft, the *Dallas Cowboys* selected Pippa Middleton. She was not chosen to be a tight end or a punter or a cornerback. In fact, she had not even played NCAA football or even opted in to the draft.
Read full storyQuick Brown Fox Tired Of Jumping Over Lazy Dogs
The quick brown fox resigned today in protest and said that he has no intention of jumping over any more lazy dogs. From his home in the woods behind Farmer Brown's chicken coop, Barney J. Fox said "I've been doing this for over 75 years without...
Read full storyMormon Tablernacle Choir Organist Goes Postal
Frank Ashton, one of the official organists for the Mormon Tabernacle Choir, went on a shooting rampage after a recent choir concert, killing or wounding two members of the choir, four members or the Orchestra at Temple Square, and eleven concert goe...
Read full storyWhite, Brown, Yellow And Czechs Offended By Obama Birth Certificate Listing Father As "African"
The latest edition of the Barack Obama birth certificate docu-drama inexplicably defines the race of Barack Obama's Kenyan father as "African." There are two problems with this. First and foremost, in 1961, the year Barack was born, political c...
Read full storyPampers secure one game sponsorship deal with Man United
Following Manchester United's one goal defeat to Arsenal today, and so making next weekend's crunch game with second placed Chelsea a possible title decider, Pampers, the company known for manufacturing baby's nappies has secured a special one off sp...
Read full storyCameron Arrested for 'Planning Destruction of NHS'
In a pre-emptive strike by the Police David Cameron has been held somewhere. Police sources claimed his detention had nothing to do with the planned destruction of the National Health Service, but the timing of the action before a Cabinet meeting...
Read full storyOnly 24.5 million royal wedding viewers on extraterrestrial TV
Space - The Beeb's Sky At Fright presenter Sir Patrick Moore has blamed a gigantic storm in Saturn's atmosphere for lousy reception in the Delta Quadrant beyond Uranus. Captured on video by NASA'S Cassini probe the tempestuous swirling vortices ar...
Read full storyJello Signs Contract With Pippa Middleton For Her Butt To Advertise "Jigglers"
Jello has announced that they have signed a contract with new British media sensation Pippa Middleton. A creative marketing team from the company will fly to London next week to begin filming a new series of "Jello Jigglers" commercials to star Miss...
Read full storyArsenal Young Guns Shoot Down Man United Title Charge
In today's eagerly anticipated Emirates clash between Arsenal and title chasing Manchester United, it was the young gunners who prevailed on the day. A 55th minute goal from Aaron Ramsey settled the issue. It came after a neat build up down the ri...
Read full storyPope John Paul II Scandal: Body Substituted
As hundreds of thousands (vermicelli) of people gathered in St Peter's Square (the Vatican estimate numbers are to be over 1 million) today, to see the beatification of Pope John Paul II and, no one could have made this one up! This has got to be one...
Read full story£600 a time hairdo man Nicky Clarke confused by Pope John Paul II's Beatification
It appears Nicky Clarke completely lost the plot with regards to the beatification of his holiness and deadness Pope John Paul II. Having set up a mobile hairdressing studio on the balcony of the Vatican this morning, he was chased away, much to h...
Read full storyExclusive! Hot Pornstar Tells All!
The Tittler Tattler has gotten a hot exclusive interview with Amber Tawny Belle, one of porn's hottest babes. We caught up with her at home, here's an insider sneak peek into her hot hot life! TT: So Amber, what's the craziest thing you've ever done in a porn flick? ATB: Hmm, well, what I think is crazy other people wouldn't. Not sure. What's your definition of crazy? TT: So, Amber...
Read full storyHoneymoon ROW! Camilla sent 'To Knock Heads Together'.
The Duke and Duchess of Cambridge, the titles mean they now own the whole of Cambridgeshire, had their first 'royal row' on Saturday soon after taking to the air in one of The Queen's maroon Sikorsky helicopters. The Duchess of Cambridge apparently reacted in an unladylike fashion when William revealed during the flight where they'd be spending their honeymoon - 'in the English county of Cam...
Read full storyBarack Obama Demands To See Donald Trumps Toupee Receipts
President Bacack Obama, sick and tired of the recent birth certificate debacle, has decided to get even with Donald Trump. At a recent fund raising dinner, he demanded that the billionaire show the world his toupee receipts. "I showed everyone my...
Read full storyTed Lowe Obituary
There was a hush all around the Crucible before the Embassy World Snooker Championships Final this evening when it was announced that 90-year-old veteran commentator Ted Lowe had snuffed it. Lowe, who had been the BBC commentator at all major snoo...
Read full storyPope John Paul II Beatified In Rome
Pope John Paul II, leader of the Catholic Church for over a quarter of a century, was finally beatified in Rome. Beatificiation is the process where people who are alive decide that a dead person is actually a saint, and elevate them to that level t...
Read full story"F" Bomb now being dropped by all GOP 2012 Candidates!
Donald Trump spoke in Las Vegas this last week and broke all the rules for proper decorum in using foul language. The condemnation was universal. The RNC stated, "It's time. Donald Trump is not the person for the US presidency." Chris Matthews...
Read full storyMariah Carey Has Twins, Names One Of The Babies After Pippa
Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon are the proud parents of twins (one boy and one girl). The family is doing well and should be going home shortly from an undisclosed L.A. Hospital. Cannon announced to the press that his wife and children were fine, that...
Read full storyIsle of Wight News - Land speed record in a house
A family in Ventnor, has unwittingly set the land speed record in a house. The previous holders, the Robinsons of Francis, Oregon, travelled at twenty-two miles an hour in the back of their house as it was moved from Francis to Peppermill, some th...
Read full storyHacked Sensation
With others unwilling to continue with phone hacking the duty was left to me. The sensational results will cause an outcry among readers of the 'News of the World' who missed this story. 'I say Harry, Grandad here. Do you think if I wore a mask your firend Pippa would let me wipe my bum with her toilet roll?' 'I'll see what I can do.' Some time later: 'Sorry Grandad. She says it may be...
Read full storyTit for tat: William a target for Gaddafi ire as NATO kills son Saif
London - "It's a slim chance, of course, that the Colonel will now try nuking William's in-laws' pad in Bucklebury," an MoD bigwig told reporters this morning. "But the last minute honeymoon switch was a no-brainer...and the weather's said to be l...
Read full storyTrouble At Glasgow Royal Wedding Party
An unofficial party held to celebrate the Royal Wedding ended in chaos and disorder in Glasgow on Friday night. The event, held at Kelvingrove Park, initially went off well as party goers revelled in the sunshine, dancing to the music blaring out...
Read full storyLennon's Microphones Up For Sale
The microphones Neil Lennon first used to announce his beliefs in a Celtic conspiracy are to be auctioned for charity. The whole of season 2011/11 has been punctuated by the Celtic manager's rants against the Scottish Football Association, journal...
Read full storyGB Beach Volleyball Team Eliminated
Great Britain's top beach volleyball duo have lost their first round World Tour tie on Copacabana Beach, Rio de Janeiro. Lucy Johns and Denise Bolton - ranked number 40 in the world - were beaten by an experienced Australian duo. But the GB tea...
Read full storyBoy George Reveals That If He Was Straight He Would Definitely Want To "Boink" Pippa Middleton
LONDON - Pippa Middleton has just become the most famous maid of honor in the history of weddings. This according to Birmingham Cribworthy of The Bees Knees News Agency. He stated that over 2 billion people watched the Royal Wedding world wide and...
Read full storyAmerican Idol Shocker: Steven Tyler Denies Touching Jennifer Lopez' "Sensuously Sexy" Thighs With Both His Hands During A Commercial Break
HOLLYWOOD - Mark Anthony had a little talk with Steven Tyler backstage after the last airing of American Idol. Redwood Fingerboo, a reporter with The Cucamonga Chit Chat Chronicle stated that word got back to the husband of Jennifer Lopez that Tyl...
Read full storyChuck Lorre Says That He Has Finally Decided On A Replacement For Charlie Sheen On "Two and A Half Men"
HOLLYWOOD - Chuck Lorre says that he did not invest an untold amount of time, money, and effort getting his hit show Two and A Half Men to the number one position on the television rankings to simply let the likes of Charlie "Tiger Blood Boy" Sheen r...
Read full storyNew Rules For 2014 Winter Olympics
The 2014 Winter Olympics, to be held in Sochatlysincsinofioenfr, Russia will see a number of new rules and regulations going into effect. The Olympic Committee has issued a statement saying that they have wisely given up fighting against t...
Read full storyPippa Middleton Admits She Fancies American NFL Quarterback Tony Romo
Pippa Middleton, the 27 year old younger sister of Princess Kate Middleton Windsor, has admitted to having an attraction to an American Football Player. Pippa rose to fame at her sister's wedding to Princess William due to her role as Maid of Honour...
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