Written by K.C. Bell

Sunday, 1 May 2011

image for What Television Audiences Didn't See At Kate And Wills Wedding

A Spoof writer can now report what truly transpired at Westminster Abbey during the wedding of Kate Middleton (a commoner) and Prince William, he of royal blood, or as wobble-head Prince Charles might shrug, "Whatever that means."

Seems that when the activities that follow took place, the television cameras went into an automatic loop system, continuously repeating the previous minutes of the procession. Evidently, this is why it took Ms. Middleton, (a commoner) forever to make it down the aisle in her Sarah Burton gown.

Closing the program pamphlet for the wedding ceremony, Prince Charles looked about and spotted Mrs. Middleton, (the commoner mother of the bride) and had a eye popping moment, followed by a gulp. Resembling an individual after downing a straight double malt scotch, he was overheard desperately trying to remind Camilla that she had a dental appointment.

Unable to catch the eye of the commoner mother of the bride, the Prince apparently decided to go for broke, stood up and proceeded to performed a flash-dance for her at the alter.

The Dean of Westminster, who watched with the laser like interest of a judge from Dancing With The Stars, was heard to remark to the Archbishop of Canterbury, something about not knowing Prince Charles had those kinds of moves in him. Spot on, the Archbishop agreed, but both decided to rate the Prince's performance with only 6 points, Camilla gave him a zero, and the Queen searched her purse for a slingshot.

As though the Prince Charles flash-dance at the alter of Westminster had not been sufficiently distracting, Kate, (the commoner bride) viewed his dancing, stopped at mid-step, and proceeded to walk backwards down the aisle almost tripping on her own train.

The bride's father, (also a commoner and former airline pilot for British Air) would have none of Kate's backward step, insisting that they continue forward and muttering something about planes never flying in reverse gear. He then fixed his eye on the alter and with the determination of an airline pilot landing a 747 at Heathrow, continued to glide forward.

"The royals," someone claims he said, "are different from you and I."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: Royal Wedding

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