Local Man's Plea: "Just Leave Me Alone" (But Not In A Michael Jackson Way)
Local man, Martin Shuttlecock, tonight made an impassioned plea to just be left alone as he is still smarting following his beloved Manchester United FC's trouncing by the Scouse hordes. Shuttlecock told Skoob News reporters: "Can't you just le...
Read full storyWar Of The Tombies: Chapter 3: Feeling Flush.
He landed the job a few weeks ago. Office clerk, it said in the advert. He was enjoying the atmosphere, and the people were nice. Far better than the packing job he had before. And he always got a bit extra off for his dinner hour, well that's how he saw it, anyway, because they sent him out for the sandwiches. It was a nice warm day, so he decided to take the longer route, through the pa...
Read full storyPrince Andrew's Application To Join Gambino Crime Family Rejected
It's just been revealed by a guy smoking a cigar outside the 16th Street Social Club in Queens, New York that HRH Prince Andrew's application to join the Gambino crime family has been declined. Prince Andrew's nefarious activities have been recent...
Read full storyUnited Humiliated By Scousers - "Go On, Share It" Says Local Man. "See If I Care!"
Local man, Martin Shuttlecock completely lost the plot tonight as he cracked up following Liverpool's 3-1 victory over Manchester United on Sunday. Shuttlecock was distressed to learn that stories about him being distraught about the result were b...
Read full storyBritney Spears Confides In Her BFF Mel Gibson That She Really Misses Lip Syncing
WEST HOLLYWOOD - Britney Spears has really been feeling down lately since her career has sort of stalled due to the mini-scandal involving lyrics she allegedly borrowed from John Phillip Sousa the king of the marching bands. According to Bedroom P...
Read full storyFuture Mag's Short Story: "Pod." Chapter A
"Sony-Walmart-Vodafone-Google have announced that they have captured the polis of Marseilles in the France district of the European States," blared the radio. Of course, this was of little consolation to me. Back on Earth, I was interested in transnational politics, and especially the fact that Britainico was constantly changing hands between Soongle and Virgin-Tesco-Apple-Peugeot. But not ri...
Read full storyLetters to the Spoof: Edition Two
After managing to get the Royal Mail to block all letters that come to me for the Spoof c/o Inhopeless, somehow, messages from readers come into my Google Mail every day. Here are a few selections from the 298... 340... 360... look, there's a lot. Dear Spoof, Can you please format your site onto a user-friendly version on wood-pulp-based writing stacks? It'd really help when I get my smar...
Read full storyCelebrity Apprentice's First Victim - Donald Trump Fires David Cassidy
NEW YORK CITY - Another season of Donald Trumps Celebrity Apprentice has just hit the airwaves and this group is certainly one of the motliest gathering of folks to ever grace the Donald's show. Some of the more 'better known' contestants include...
Read full storyCharlie Sheen Tormented by Spirit of Jack LaLane
LOS ANGELES, CA - Just when things seemed like they couldn't get worse for Charlie Sheen, they did precisely that. Maybe it was only a hallucination brought on by his latest three-day bender. He could probably come to terms with that. Perhaps it was just an innocent misunderstanding with his 95 year-old pool boy. That too, although more difficult to believe, might be overlooked, given the...
Read full storyExperts Surprised at Long-Levity of 'Justin Bieber' Phase
LOS ANGELES - Pop-culture experts are shocked at the length of time Justin Bieber has remained in the limelight for. As of today, he has been in the spotlight since the release of his single 'Baby', which was in 18th Jan 2010, which makes Bieber T...
Read full storyWho is in charge of Belgium?
It is coming up to the anniversary of the day that Belgium's political deadlock started. Nobody has yet noticed. Although not widely known by the rest of the world, in June 2010 due to a deadlock between the elected officials, nobody won the election. In the UK this resulted in the ConDem partnership, in Belgium they decided they could get on perfectly well without anybody in charge. This ap...
Read full storyFuture News: New Track 'Baby' Certified Hit
(Published 2033) LONDON URBEM - 'Baby', the new track by Mike Hall, is number one on the BillBoard 100. "This song has never been done before," said his manager, Gates. "The words flow so well, and the intro is a classic, 'You know you love me...'...
Read full storyFuture News: Apple Releases 'Clean Water'
(Published 2060) PALO ALTERNATIVE, CA - After months in development, Apple Inc. have released this year's new gadget. The Clean Water, which is based on a former compound from the early 21st century called H2O. "This may not be new," said Stev...
Read full storyFascinating...Cows/Cattle
There was me, sitting by the computer, and I thought to myslef....I said: "Jesus Budda, why don't you just post the shite you whack into the FASCINATING THREAD as Magazine Articles instead of letting it wallow away in some crappy discussion forum that nobody cares about anyways...?" So I have decided to post this fascinating drivel as Mag stories from now on. FASCINATING Cow/Cattle related f...
Read full storyWar Of The Tombies: Chapter 2: Second Base.
Previous chapters: Chapter 1 The trees in Hyde Park rustled gently in the breeze. It was a warm mid afternoon, and unusually there was not a hint of bird song in the air. No cars whizzing by. No horns, or general hum-drum from people passing by. If you were stood in that park at that very moment, and believe me, you wouldn't want to have been, all you would of heard was the buzzing of fl...
Read full storyLocal Man Distraught Over Yet Another Liverpool Drubbing
Local man, Martin Shuttlecock was today reported to be "distraught and humiliated" this afternoon - a full 24 hours after Liverpool drubbed his beloved Man United 3-1 at Anfield. Shuttlecock has been sighted skulking around, trying to kick the cat...
Read full storyMarijuana Lobby Group NORML Misses Own 40-Year Anniversary Celebration
Due to an error in calculations, the National Organization for the Reform of Marijuana Laws (NORML) decided to move their 40-year anniversary celebration up one year to 2011 claiming "better late than never." NORML officers say that once they got...
Read full storyBob Diamond - Barclays Boss "Worth Every Penny" Of £6.5million 2010 Bonus
The banking community today issued angry responses at those who criticised Barclays boss Bob Diamond's £6.5 million bonus payment. According to insiders, poor old Bob is feeling the pinch, and needs a bit of extra cash just as much as the next man...
Read full storyMuammar Gadhafi has agreed to exile in Hollywood
Colonel Muammar Gadhafi has agreed to exile in Hollywood. In a speech to his people today he told them he loved them and went over all the great uniforms he's worn while representing them but the time has come for him to fulfil his life-long calling;...
Read full storyCameron Wins Three Stars ***
It is not often that a Prime Minister earns three stars in one week but David Cameron has achieved this with a little help from his friends. In response to the PM's urgent appeal to Banks not to pay too much in bonuses, the Barclays boss has limit...
Read full storyKatie And Alex Settle For Quickie
That Deliciously tasteful Showbiz Couple Katie Price and Alex Reid today settled for a quickie in a broom cupboard at Crewe railway station. When they'd finished, Katie announced to the gathered Press, 'It's ironic that innit, Me and Alex have a...
Read full storyPalace numerologists wrong about QE2 RIP date says Hellfire Club CEO
London - The Governor of the Bank of England has rubbished Palace predictions about the Queen's imminent death. Top Hellfire Club number cruncher Mervyn King blamed the ubiquitous QE2 nickname in a City speech at crunchtime - er...lunchtime! - tod...
Read full storyHuckabee: "Obama's Mother Attended a Hairdrassa in Indonesia!"
Mike Huckabee, a potential candidate for the GOP 2012 nomination, continued his accusations against President Obama on another conservative talk radio station yesterday. By late afternoon, his comments were racing around the internet, talk radio, and...
Read full storyHuckabee Doesn't Heart The Oscars
Potential 2012 Presidential candidate Mick Huckabee has criticised Oscar winner Natalie Portman for glamourising single motherhood, saying that the Black Swan star was misleading the American public about the difficulties of having children outside m...
Read full storyQueen's Pancake Day Shockhorror
London - An image of Prince Andrew with a Hitler mustache has appeared on Palace pancakes. The dish of scrummy crepes had been cooked up for the Queen's Shrove Tuesday pleasure tomorrow. It was to feature at a Palace party honoring delightful y...
Read full storySusan Boyle has offered Queen Elizabeth a special gown for the wedding
Susan Boyle has offered Queen Elizabeth a special gown to wear at Wills's and Kate's April wedding. Susan has kindly offered the Queen the gold dress SHE wore at her April '09 BGT audition. She said that it brought her luck and thinks it would be ideal for Queen Elizabeth and, more importantly, it will save the country a few quid. Naturally the famous dress has been dry-cleaned and is hangi...
Read full storyExonerated Bristol landlord Christopher Jefferies set to make a killing
Bristol - Freed last Friday from suspicion in the Jo Yeates murder probe Bristol landlord Christopher Jefferies is set to make a killing. A distinctly buoyant feel about the Springtime property market sees the former teacher put his Cannynge Road...
Read full storyRoyal wedding day changed to Thursday 28th April
Prince William and his first wife-to-be Kate Middleton have decided to marry a day earlier than was planned - the marriage will now take place at Westminster Abbey on THURSDAY 28th April , not Friday 29th. Their decision to marry a day earlier w...
Read full storyManchester United's Nani 'Delighted' With Liverpool Assist
Manchester United's winger, Nani, has broken Sir Alex Ferguson's media gag, and spoken of his delight with the assist he made on Liverpool's second goal, during their 3-1 defeat against the Merseyside warriors. Nani, who spoke to us through the gr...
Read full storyFill in the Blanks
Esteem needs are satisfied when prestige, success, and self-respect are met. Probably, it was the same needs that led man to create various forms of gods in his own image, a form of Psychological projection. Nowadays, doctoral degree gives prestige to the holder, especially if one comes from a disintegrating nation. In fact, it feels good to be called Doctor 'XYZ', particularly if the certifica...
Read full storyPhil Collins Retires After 42 Years In The Music Business - Says He'll Open Up A Sock Shop In Soho
LONDON - Phil Collins who started his music career over 40 years ago has announced that he is officially retiring. Collins, who is 60 listed the reasons as being health related. He said that due to over four decades of performing at concerts he ha...
Read full storyLeAnn Rimes Angrily Denies Those Gosh Darn Cheating Accusations!
NASHVILLE - LeAnn Rimes who has gotten a reputation as a "Husband Stealer" is denying reports that she tried to make a play for Carrie Underwood's husband. But according to iGossip news, the dishwater blonde country singer was seen at a Mickey D's...
Read full storyClint Eastwood, Robert Pattinson, and Selena Gomez To Star In The Comedy Western "The Sockaroo Buckaroos"
HOLLYWOOD - Clint Eastwood who first became nationally known starring as Rowdy Yates on the 1950s television western Rawhide has just announced that he will be directing Robert Pattinson and Selena Gomez in the new Old West western from TouchRock Pic...
Read full storyCharlie Sheen Now Bewitched
A coven of witches and warlocks have cast a binding spell on Charlie Sheen hoping to rid him of evil influences after they say he dissed their religion by calling himself a warlock. Sheen was shown making devil horns with his hand behind one of the g...
Read full storyDiouf And Bougherra To Face Probe
Rangers players El Hadji Diouf and Madjij Bougherra are to face a probe following their sendings off at the Old Firm cup replay last week. George Hughes, SFA Discplinary Czar, made the announcement this morning at a packed press office in Park Gar...
Read full storyLondon Underground Gives Away Free Tube Socks to Riders
In an effort to boost ridership, the London Underground today announced plans to begin immediately giving out free tube socks to its patrons. Teaming with London merchant, Harrods, the socks will carry the London Underground logo in red and blue on a...
Read full storyMotor Racing World Rejects 'Fake Rain'
The motor racing world has come out firmly against the idea of 'fake rain' being introduced in an attempt to make grand prix races more interesting. Supremo Bernie Ecclestone has suggested the idea along with a number of others that, if implemente...
Read full storyBerlusconi Lays Out New Strategy
Silvio Berlusconi is to set aside Mondays so he can attend all 4 trials pending against him, his press secretary has announced. The under fire Italian PM is facing charges of bribery, extortion, fraud and having sex with an under age prostitute.
Read full storySad Song At Emirates
Arsenal manager Arsene Wenger fears that hard man Alex Song may be out for the rest of the season. Although the Cameroonian's knee injury is almost healed, the Gunners boss has major concerns about the midfielder's state of mind. "Alex has been...
Read full storyFA Confident Over Rooney Ruling
A Football Association spokesman has reiterated their belief that Wayne Rooney will accede to the United Kingdom throne even though Prince Charles has been waiting in the wings for 30 years. Brian Hayes, the F.A's Director of Communications, threw...
Read full storyQueen Considering Changing Name of Royal House to The Gang That Couldn't Shoot Straight
The Queen is said to be considering a spring House (of Windsor) cleaning as the Duke of York's With-Friends-Like-These scandal threatens to turn into a real toe sucker. Bad news is swamping the monarchy at a pace not seen since the Royal Divorce-Off...
Read full storyFergie and Andy to Star in Revival of 'Grease'
Sarah, Doshless of York and Andrew, Duke of Hopeless, are to appear in the lead roles of Danny Zuko and Sandy Virginal Girl in a revival of the hit musical Grease. The pair, always on the lookout for a new opportunity yet uniquely unable to disce...
Read full story'Mediterranean-looking' couple in MI6 cryptographer case spotted on Libyan YouBoob! channel
Benghazi-by-the-Kazi: The mystery pair caught on CCTV outside Gareth Williams' apartment have suddenly popped up in Libyan YouBoob! footage. The twenty-something man and woman were filmed in a Benghazi hotel's penthouse hot tub playing Rock-Sciss...
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