Sarah Palin's Paul Revere
Trapped again in the pesky media headlights during her bus tour of historical landmarks, Sarah Palin was asked another tricky, complex, gotcha question by a member of that lame brain media: "Who was Paul Revere?" Levi Johnston, unmarried father of...
Read full storyWayne Rooney 'given head' by hairdresser.
Wayne Rooney has had a Brazillian - on his bonce! The follicley challenged England and Manchester United star has given up the Battle of the Barnet. Visits to London clinics to have his Loaf of Bread implanted with Orangutang's hair have led t...
Read full storyAngry Protesters Deride Sushi Restaurant Opening Near Pearl Harbour
CHICAGO - An new sushi restaurant on 24th Street - The Golden Palace - has been the subject of controversy after some 60% of the population labeled it a 'shrine' to the bombing of Pearl Harbour. "This defiles the memory of the soldiers who died th...
Read full storyCashback Protesters Strike in Manchester
Protesters against the expansion of the supermarket giant Tesbury's have struck in Manchester with a cash-back scam that has left the national chain of grocery stores fuming. "We're very disappointed," said Tesbury's managing director Tessa Coe. "...
Read full storyIsle of Wight News - Chain Ferry prices set to increase
There is anger in Cowes as news emerges that the chain ferry tariff is set to increase from next month. The chain ferry that has been in operation for over a hundred years almost continuously, give or take the occasional break down (the last laste...
Read full storySmut Shortage Strikes Internet
It's official - there just isn't enough smut, filth, porn, and perversion available on the internet these days. At a conference in a Godalming motel, fifty leading internet entrepreneurs agreed that there just isn't enough smut to go around, and o...
Read full storySarah Palin Growing Tired of 16-Year-Old Daughter Willow's Wild Wayward Ways Takes Her Out of School
WASILLA, Alaska - A close family friend has said that Sarah Palin has finally gotten to her wits end with 16-year-old foul-mouthed daughter Willow. According to reports published in GOPicky Magazine, the former governor of Alaska and Tina Fey look...
Read full storyNuki releases nuclear powered golf ball
NAGASAKI - Nuki sports corporation spokesman Isukagolf Nevigotapar, announced to a stunned, if not slightly radioactive crowd that it has launched a new line of nuclear powered golf balls. The plutonium core ball actually goes critical when struck...
Read full storyPrince Harry Not Dating Blake Lively
Clarence House tonight issued an emphatic statement rubbishing media claims that Prince Harry is dating blonde US Gossip Girl TV star Blake Lively. Cynics claim that the rumours were deliberately circulated by Blake Lively's PR gurus in an attempt...
Read full storyLindsay Lohan, Who Is Under 'House Arrest,' Explains Why Her Electronic Monitoring System Device Went Off
VENICE BEACH - One of the luckiest women in the entire world has once again pushed her unbelievable luck past the point of being ridiculous. Lindsay Lohan who was sentenced to serve 35 days under 'house arrest' in the cozy, comfort of her own home...
Read full storySay goodbye to the office restroom stall
PHOENIX (PoooWatch) - According to commercial real estate mogul, Dr. Onzipay Amegay, the high-walled restroom stall is quickly becoming a rarity in the modern workplace. It's also becoming more common for executives to move out of their stalls and s*...
Read full storyLabour To Abolish Allotments
Controversial plans to abolish allotment gardens, have just been announced in the Labour party manifesto for the next election. "We shall close down all allotments and use the land to build luxury accommodation for asylum seekers." said Labour le...
Read full storyCapello tips Bent to batter bent Blatter
England manager Fabio Capello has ordered his players to let Switzerland "have some" in the Euro 2012 qualifier. Switzerland is famous for having spawned Sepp Blatter and for making cheese with holes in it. Capello is tipping in form striker Da...
Read full storyWayne Rooney "Critical" After Botched Hair Transplant
Manchester United and England footballer, Wayne Rooney, was said to be "critical" today by close associates, following what is thought to have been a botched Harley Street hair transplant. Rooney, who emerged from the Harley Street premises yester...
Read full storyPalin: "I came to New Hampshire not to Praise Mitt, but to bury him!"
The news media came in swarms this past week when Sarah Palin's bus arrived in New Hampshire. The first question shouted by a reporter from Politico was, "Governor, did you come here to step on Mitt Romney's announcement for president or is it just a...
Read full storyDerby Man Left Confused By Derby
All the talk about Her Majesty The Queen's horse, Carlton House, being the favourite to win the Derby inspired Derby man, Jason Bourne, to take his family into Derby to see the Derby. Having loaded the wife and three kids into the family hatchback...
Read full storyBallmer To Blow away Jobs at E3
Las Vegas (AP) Microsofts charismatic CEO Steve Ballmer is expected to Blow away apple's steve Jobs at this weeks E3. The itchy scratchy news of Steve Ballmer's domination at E3 could result in everyday punters leaving their turtleneck sweaters at...
Read full storyApaches Invade Libya
Barrack Obama has taken a massive risk by sending Apaches into war torn Libya. 'These native Americans' he said 'have been misrepresented for years. They are fine fighting men. They will bring down the Gaddafi regime.' Libyan Rebels cheered as...
Read full storyTake That fans disappointed on the Progress Tour
Take That fans as old as thirty-five, have been left disappointed over the latest massive mega-tour from pop sensation Take That. "I queued for twenty-four days," said disgruntled fan, Anna Pronne. "And that was just for tickets. I queued for anot...
Read full storyScowell finds Culprit
The press room at Spoof suddenly became silent and a chill wind blew through the office. Lady Godiva put some clothes on as the famous TV ogre Simon Scowell came into the room followed by two policemen. 'You don't have to say anything Judas Witch, but if you do I promise not to laugh' said one of the cops. 'That's not my name' I cried 'this is a case of mistaken identity!' 'Nonsense you'v...
Read full story'Ecuadorean saboteurs' now suspected behind Kingsnorth oil depot blaze
Kent - Pals of Ecuadorean malicious law suit nutjobs are thought to be behind a massive blaze at the Eco Oil depot in Kingsnorth, Kent. The second 'arson' in just two days follows Thursday's Chevron Pembroke disaster where two tankers allegedly co...
Read full storyKieren Fallon ready to defy 'galling' injunction jocking him off Derby mount
London - The former champion jockey is reported to be ready to flout an 'idiotic and highly illegal' Appeal Court injunction depriving him of his Derby ride today. Fallon is said to be gobsmacked after the 'restraining' order was obtained 'by stea...
Read full storyMacy Gray looks like an ape
It's hard to believe that Macy Gray is a monkey, but it's really true. Macy Gray the talking gorilla looks like an ape and smells like an ape. The reason many people don't think Macy Gray is an ape is because she talks and sings. Her shaggy monke...
Read full storyMemories of 1950-60 living!
This article was sent in by an old twerp who used to work in the food retail industry, to the 'Oil Drum Lane Gazette, in Nottingham. "Eeeeh! The price of things nowadays! Why, I can remember when ten shillings would buy you four pints of bitter, a fish supper and you would still have change for tram ticket home." How often have we heard this sort of thing from some people usually a bit older th...
Read full storySepp Blatter Announces New FIFA Sponsors
In the wake of the news that Adidas and Coca Cola are seriously reviewing their future business dealings with FIFA, the world football association's newly re-elected president Sepp Blatter has got his retaliation in first by announcing a new set of s...
Read full storyPalace Concerns Over Duchess' Death Wish
Buckingham Palace sources have revealed that the Queen and other senior members of the Royal household have expressed concerns that the Duchess of Windsor may have a death wish. Such is the level of concern, its expected that a personal counsellor...
Read full storySarah Palin Says That During Her "Pizza Date" With Donald Trump She Agreed To Appear On Next Year's 'Celebrity Apprentice'
MANHATTAN - A spokesperson for Sarah Palin stated that the meeting between Donald Trump and Palin at The Famiglia Pizzeria located in Times Square went very well. Tittle Tattle Tonight's Tapioca Swizzle said that Donald Trump took care of the tab...
Read full story"X-Men: First Class" Marvels Its Way Into The Movie Theaters
HOLLYWOOD - The motion picture based on the Marvel Comics X-Men did very well on opening day as was expected. The film stars James McAvoy as Professor Charles Xavier, aka Professor X, and Michael Fassbender as Erik Lensherr aka Magneto. The two...
Read full storyJohn Reid Resigns As Celtic Chairman
Dr John Reid has confirmed that he is to end his 4 year reign as chairman of Celtic FC. The former Labour minister will be succeeded by whisky magnate and fellow lifelong Hoops fan, Ian Bankier. Confirming that he will stand down at the club's...
Read full storySam Alllardyce Confident About West Ham's Future
New West Ham boss Sam Allardyce is confident that he will follow in the footsteps of Alan Pardew, Gianfranco Zola and Avram Grant and not return the famous club to their former glory. The East London club have failed to finish higher than 9th plac...
Read full storyResponse To Those Who Believe That Jack Kevorkian was An Angel Of Mercy.
With respect to those that believe that Jack Kevorkian was a benevolent Angel of Mercy: You're a f--king uninformed idiot. Are you aware that at least 60 percent of Kevorkian's suicide patients were not terminal? Do you know that at least 17 could have lived indefinitely? Are you aware that in THIRTEEN cases, Kevorkian killed people that had NO complaints of pain or quality of life issues?...
Read full storyUK & France To Share Aircraft Carrier
Following last year's swingeing cuts to the Royal Navy fleet, the UK government has announced arrangements which will allow Britain and France to share the only aircraft carrier owned by a western European nation. At present, the French carrier is...
Read full story'Dr. Death' Jack Kevorkian Kills Satan Hours After Arriving In Hell
They say that it is always nice to bring a gift to your host when someone invites you to their home. But for Dr. Jack Kevorkian -- referred to in the press as "Dr. Def" as much for his history with assisted suicide as for spittin' cool rhymes-- the g...
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