Sam Alllardyce Confident About West Ham's Future

Written by grimbo

Saturday, 4 June 2011

image for Sam Alllardyce Confident About West Ham's Future

New West Ham boss Sam Allardyce is confident that he will follow in the footsteps of Alan Pardew, Gianfranco Zola and Avram Grant and not return the famous club to their former glory.

The East London club have failed to finish higher than 9th place since their return to the Premiership in season 2005/06 and flirted with relegation on a number of occasions before succumbing in may 2011.

Allardyce explained to the world's press yesterday :

"Having seen round the club in the last couple of days, checked out the set up and the players and spoken to the board, I'm positive that, even if we surprise the cynics and get back up into the Premiership, we don't have a hope in hell of getting near the big boys".

So sure is he that the Hammers will continue to fail to regain credibility in English football, Allardyce has not only altered the name of the ground from Upton to Downton Park, but he has instructed every fan of the clarets and blues to change the club song from "I'm Forever Blowing Bubbles" to "I'm Forever Knowing Troubles".

What will finally convince West Ham fans that their future is anything but rosy is the fact that Allardyce has no intention of changing the long ball game he instigated at Bolton, Newcastle and Blackburn.

"The days when Hammers fans watch attractive, exciting play are long gone", Allardyce went on, "I can assure all of them that, regardless of results, they can expect to very soon be fed up of seeing boring, back to front football.

Its what I've always encouraged and I see no reason to change that philosophy. If any of the current squad even attempt to play a defence splitting pass, they'll be shipped out immediately".

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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