Hollywood In Shock As Nina Dobrev Reveals That She Doesn't Have A Life Sized Tattoo Of Anthony Weiner's Nose On Her Stunningly Creamy Inner Thigh
Prompted by circulating rumors running rife in Hollywood, Vampire Diaries star, Nina Dobrev revealed at a press conference today that contrary to prevailing notions, she does not have a life sized tattoo of ex-Congressman Anthony Weiner's nose tattoo...
Read full storyLetters To The Editor From Ludicrous Stereotypes Pt XXVI: The British Isles
Dear Sir, now I am reading your magazine quite a lot lately. "Now there's lovely, for you!", I says to my husband, Dyffyddydd Ystnyllbrggyddfyd, "now there's a magazine, now, look you, isn't it then?" "Aye", he says to me, putting down his copy of the Yn y llyvyr hwnn of Sir John Price of Brecon, d'you see, he does, and he says "Oh, Glywdwyddyn Ystnyllbrggyddfyd" - which is my own name and t...
Read full storyVicious Seaside Attack Leaves Locals 'Perturbed'
Locals in the harbour town of Brixham have been left 'seriously perturbed', say emergency service personnel, after witnessing a vicious and unprovoked attack on the quayside. Witnesses say that an unnamed woman was eating a choc-ice whilst staring...
Read full storyLazy xenophobia now only thing keeping Cameron in power
A gallup poll today showed that if it were not for a needless surplus of petty, small minded bigots, the coalition would have been on its bike quite some time ago. Although the vast majority of Britons are now paying more tax, receiving less pay e...
Read full storyArsenal's Emirates Stadium Declared 'Unsafe' - Club 'Looking For Alternative'
Mayhem broke out in North London when members of the Health And Safety Executive declared Arsenal Football Club's Emirates Stadium 'structurally unsound, inherently unsafe,' and 'liable to imminent collapse when filled to capacity.' The shocking n...
Read full storyGaddafi's love for cricket revealed!
Muammar Gaddafi, the infamous Libyan leader, has been spotted in the West Indies watching the recent India cricket tour. The Colonel, who has been in the press every single day for the last 6 months for all the wrong reasons, has been found by the We...
Read full storyRupert Grint Still Ginger
It's just been confirmed that Rupert Grint, who played the part of Ron Weasley in the Harry Potter film franchise is still ginger. It was widely reported in certain unscrupulous circles that Grint is not as ginger as he used to be, but sources clo...
Read full storyAndy Murray is determined to win Wimbledon, but only if Rafael Nadal dies!
Andy Murray, Britains or Scotland's ony real hope of breaking the century old Wimbledon curse is determined to win this year, but does admit; "Rafael Nadal has to die first and Roger Federer has to be so fed up winning that he doesn't even bother!"...
Read full storyStubbington Man Finds Strange Object In Back Garden
Stubbington man, Larry Granger got quite a shock this morning when he went through his back door, into the garden, to put the bins out. Sitting in the middle of his back lawn was a strange object, which no amount of internet research could actually i...
Read full storySwarming Summer Solstice bees swoop on Crown Estate
London - A massive killer bee colony that terrorised much of New York during last week's Lunar Eclipse has suddenly materialised in London. Millions of the angry insects congregated near the Apple Store in Regent Street, the flagship shopping mall...
Read full story400 UK nudists jump into to the sea hoping to prove that sharks don't like eating humans!
Rhossili, Wales: 400 nudists in their "Birthday Suits" rushed into the freezing Irish Sea after hearing that the deadly White Tip Shark was searching for something to eat around the UK coast. The nudists, mainly shark lovers and "Loonies" were des...
Read full storyAmericans Turn to Monopoly Money As The US Dollar Continues To Fall
Washington - In an attempt to stimulate the US economy, Federal Reserve Chairman Ben Bernanke gives Americans the thumbs-up to begin using Monopoly money. At a Fed press conference Monday morning, Bernanke encouraged Americans to, "Pass Go, collect $...
Read full storyQueen's Summer Solstice torment as Phil the Greek's EU bailout bombs
London - Eurozone gravytrain committee astrologers have laughed off Prince Philip's demands for an immediate 12bn euro ($17bn/£10bn) austerity handout. A Brussels statement issued today said he should join his wife Queen Elizabeth in a voluntary b...
Read full storyGreek Tragedy
The Greeks have a word for it: Tragedy. It is part of their history and now the Greeks are struggling under the Sword of Damocles, which may fall at any time. 'It is about time the Greeks realised who is charge' complained a member of the Interna...
Read full storyWimbledon favourite Andy Murray calls bananas "pathetic"
Childish Tennis player Andy Murray is on the naughty step again. In another attention seeking outburst at Wimbledon he has called bananas "a pathetic fruit". Many top players admit to enjoying bananas and openly use them during matches. On...
Read full storyPost Office Prize For Pooping Pooches
The government are to reward responsible dog owners who pick up their dog's excrement. Under a new scheme, due to start in October next year, the dog owners will be paid £1 for every dog turd they present at their local Post Office. To ensure thei...
Read full storyPainter and decorator committed
Jerry Riggs, a painter and decorator from Hemel Hempstead has been sectioned under the mental health act after going on a rampage through a customer's house smashing furniture and destroying electronic goods. "I came home and was stunned," said he...
Read full storyCould you stand it all night long?
Could you stand it all night long? A dog, at a zoo in China, 19 May 2011, is said to have been feeding two liger cubs, a cross between a lion and a tiger. The female tiger, after losing two of her four cubs, stopped feeding the remaining two. Another oddity is that different species usually do not breed together, but it happens that a lion and a tiger can do it. Every day we hear some anima...
Read full story2020 Olympics to be sponsored by Opticians
Specscrimpers, the British Opticians that were immortalized in the football chant towards referees and added to this by sponsoring those very referees, have gone a step further into sport sponsorship by sponsoring the 2020 Olympics. "It's a natura...
Read full storyAnti-Gay Protesters Throw Aqua Velva at Gay Politicians
An anti-gay activist hurled the contents of a plastic cup at an openly gay city council member after he delivered a speech at the LGBT Empowerment Conference in Gooseberry, Kentucky. In a statement he posted on the social network Ego Realm, colle...
Read full storyJesse "Mr. Tattoos" James and Kat "Miss Tattoos" Von D Plan On Getting Hitched This Summer
LONG BEACH - Contrary to what the supermarket tabloids are saying Jesse James, the former Mr. Sandra Bullock, and Kat Von D the former Mrs. Buffy Pizzavelli are planning on exchanging vows and tattoos sometime this summer. Jesse, who was dubbed "T...
Read full storyTrade Rumors Have Kobe Bryant Heading To The Dallas Mavericks
LOS ANGELES - Rumblings in LaLaLand, aka The Land of The Lakers are reverberating that the Lakers super star Kobe Bryant may be on his way out of El Lay and heading to Big D (Dallas). Bryant reportedly told Tango Brisket of Sports Territory that a...
Read full storySaturday, June 18th - A Sad Day Indeed For Music Lovers As Clarence Clemons Passes Away
Indeed, Saturday June 18th was a sad day for music lovers all over the world, as 'The Big Man' - Clarence Clemons, saxophonist extraordinaire, personification of Bruce 'The Boss' Springsteen's legendary E Street band, sadly passed away in a Florida h...
Read full storyRory McIlroy Dedicates US Open Victory To Jim McDonald
Northern Ireland's Rory McIlroy last night joined the upper echelons of the world's golfing elite, with a record breaking 72 hole US Open score of 16 under par. 22 year old McIlroy had a couple of scares when he bogeyed the 12th and the 16th, but...
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