Lazy xenophobia now only thing keeping Cameron in power

Funny story written by Dr Jon

Monday, 20 June 2011


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Tell you what, I quite fancy living in some concrete shithole near an airpot.

A gallup poll today showed that if it were not for a needless surplus of petty, small minded bigots, the coalition would have been on its bike quite some time ago.

Although the vast majority of Britons are now paying more tax, receiving less pay even if they are lucky enough not to have been sacked, and are paying through the nose for everything to the benefit of those devious fat shits who by some coincidence are both getting richer and appear to be backers of the Conservative party, expert analysis has shown that a senior Tory only has to bang on to The Sun about Multiculturism and most of us appear to think that that's the fucking problem.

"It's true," commented 55 year old Ron Divot of Havant, "I'm entirely dependent on state benefits and have a chronic lung condition requiring thousands of pounds of long term NHS treatment. If George Osborne had his way I'd be hacking out my last breath in a piss-stained cardboard box by the bins at the Meridian Centre. But I'm so racist that you only have to hint to me that you are going to use your mandate to harrass immigrants, and I'll vote for you like a shot."

Academics from the Pennine University (formerly Todmorden College) conducted a survey of late middle aged men whose 29 year old sons still lived at home. Against all evidence, most of these men do not think that this is because their offspring is a spoilt, lazy, immature prat who has never pulled his finger out of his arse long enough to even look for work and is only interested in swilling lager, leering at teenage girls, fighting coppers and spending his parents retirement money modding a shit Vauxhall Corsa. Bizarrely, 92% think it is because he is the victim of a inexplicable conspiracy to only give jobs to Polish people.

Although anyone has to date yet to explain exactly why the fuck where you were born and what complexion you had when you were born there is more important than the good you do your fellow man and the talents you bring to do it, results show there will always be hordes of idiots, seemingly unhappy that life isn't in fact fucking perfect, who are ready to blame the natural process of humanity travelling slowly across the globe for their disappointment and who wish cunts like Philip Davies would do something about it.

On a more positive note, the study found that Britons overwhelmingly stated that there was no way they would waste valuable time and effort trying to prove that a black man elected to lead the country was not born in Britain. They simply wouldn't vote for him in the first place.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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