Representative Anthony Weiner's Greetings
Competing with Hallmark Greeting cards, it can now be disclosed that Representative Anthony Weiner will embark upon creating a line of greeting cards using the same photograph of his private part that was text, tweeted, emailed, facebooked and cybers...
Read full storyOlympic Torch design revealed
Seb Coe has displayed the new design for the Olympic Torch to the world. The new design was meant to convey the great history of the competition, be light enough to carry on the five thousand round trip, and sturdy enough to survive the countless tim...
Read full storyPrincess Kate bored to death at "Drooping of the Colour"
Kate Middleton had to perform one of her first difficult royal duties today, when she was forced to sit through the "Trooping of the Colour" for three solid hours! A friend of the Princess said, "She was so bored, she had to drink a can of Red Bul...
Read full storyTobogganists To Be Released Into The Wild
The Ministry of Agriculture, Fisheries and Food has announced that Tobogganists are once more to be allowed to freely roam the countryside, following one of the longest recorded periods of incarceration of a minority group. It has been over 30 yea...
Read full storyExpectant mothers to form 'labour camps' across drought hit UK
Expectant mothers waiting to give birth are to be deployed at various drought hit locations across England in 'labour camps' to fully utilise the vital output of mother minge's waters breaking, according to reports. The unseasonably dry weather is...
Read full storyNational Grid Cuts Price of Electricity Tonight
Following the shocking discovery that both Doctor Who and Britain's Got Talent finished its runs last week, the National Grid admits it has overstocked on domestic electricity. The Grid has been required over previous weeks to provide extra capaci...
Read full storyPremiership Footballers Disappointed At The Queen's Birthday Honours List
After reading through the people to be honoured - as listed on the Queen's Birthday Honours list, a number of Premiership Footballers are extremely disappointed that their names are NOT on the list. Ryan Giggs is alleged to have commented: "It's not bloody fair, there is Mark Cavendish on the list for his services to Cycling and some really unusual ones. For example, these are some of the p...
Read full storyAnthea Redfern - "My Hell With Sir Bruce Forsyth"
Following years of dignified silence, Anthea Redfern, former wife of Sir Bruce Forsyth has confided in close friends that her marriage to Sir Bruce was "absolute hell." Redfern, who acted as Sir Bruce's assistant on the hit TV show 'The Generation...
Read full storyEric Pickles to open Food Market at Whitehall HQ
There is so much un-used space at Whitehall HQ that Eric Pickles has come up with a marvellous idea to rent the space to be used as a huge food hall. Apparently, he plans to rent some of the space himself and set up a new business, to be named Pic...
Read full storyConference North to cover a bigger area than the Conference National
The Conference North, the second tier of non-league football has been expanded to include Bishop Stortford. Bishop Stortford is the town in which London Stanstead Airport is located. "It's a bit ridiculous," said Alan Carlisle, chairman of Working...
Read full storyHarry Redknapp And David Moyes Laugh Off Talk Of Accepting Vacant Villa Job
Spurs boss Harry Redknapp, and Everton boss David Moyes both laughed off rumours that either one of them would consider accepting the vacant Aston Villa managerial hot seat. Which is hardly surprising, because many leading managers regard the Vill...
Read full storyBruce Forsyth Gets His Long-awaited Title At Long Last
Bruce Forsyth has managed to 'Beat the Clock'. He is soon to be 'Sir Bruce Forsyth' according to the latest on the Queen's Honour's list. It's hoped he will be able to 'stand up' unaided after kneeling before Her Majesty during the upcoming cerem...
Read full storyMug punters warned as lunar eclipse threatens to overshadow Royal Ascot
Berkshire - A new twist beckons on the June 1st solar eclipse that fooled Queen Elizabeth into backing her third-rate Derby no-hoper Carlton House. Wednesday's eclipsed full moon is likely to do just as much damage to royal mug punters determined...
Read full storyGerman illness epidemic spreads across Europe
The vomiting, diarrhoea and (in rare cases) death epidemic that spread rapidly across Germany has been seen in countries as far away as Austria and France, with unconfirmed reports coming out of Belgium and Holland. Scientists are still baffled as...
Read full storyKen Clarke wins prestigious 2011 Arse of the Year Award
The quest to find the nation's most gigantic arse of 2011 is finally over. Ken Clarke has scooped the coveted Prize for his unfortunate comments about non-consensual sex. The award, a giant sphincter muscle rendered in gold, has been won previous...
Read full storyA Devastated and Heartbroken Cheryl Cole Is Amazingly Comforted By Her Ex-Husband Ashley Cole
LONDON - The past year has not been a good one for Cheryl Cole. The first thing that turned her happy world around was when she found out that her husband Chelsea footballer Ashley Cole was cheating on her with a bevy of tarts. Cheryl somehow was...
Read full storyThe Month Long Feud Between Lady Gaga and Christina Aguilera Shows No Sign of Letting Up
BEVERLY HILLS - A mutual friend of Lady Gaga and Christina Aguilera has informed the entertainment media that their feud is still very much on the front burner. Noted hair stylist to the stars FuFi Fondue revealed to Voodoo Dupree of The West Holl...
Read full storySarah Palin Agrees To Appear On 'The View' But Only As Long As She Is Not Asked Any Geography Questions
HOLLYWOOD - Barbara Walters, the producer and head host of The View asked Sarah Palin to appear on her talk show. Palin informed Walters that she would but only on certain conditions. The first was that Walters had to promise her that she would no...
Read full storyCarlos Tevez "Evasive" When Questioned About Natasha Giggs And Imogen Thomas
The Manchester City striker, Carlos Tevez, currently on holiday with his family in Buenos Aries, reacted "evasively" according to sources, when questioned regarding his opinion on the Ryan Giggs-Natasha Giggs-Imogen Thomas goings-on. Tevez had bee...
Read full storyHavant Gas Fitter Electrocuted By Water Pipe
Residents of a Havant street were still in shock this morning following the untimely near demise of local self-employed gas fitter, Everton Cleverly. Mr Cleverly had been called out to a semi detached residence in Abbey Road to attend a suspected...
Read full storyMichael Owen Seen At Anfield - Mystery Deepens
The football rumour mill was buzzing this morning as it was revealed that Manchester United striker Michael Owen was spotted at Anfield yesterday by an alert fan. Liverpool officials were tight lipped when questioned about the matter, but the myst...
Read full story