Australia Challenges Russia in Space Race with Kangaroos
In an effort to compete with the Russian space program, Australian prime minister, Julia Gillard has announced that Australia will ramp up their current space program. The world's initial reaction to Australia's announcement was: "I had no fuck...
Read full storyFinancial Meltdown in Prospect as Panic Takes Hold
In the face of global panic, stock market analysts today warned of further problems to come. "This is no doubt a serious situation," warned fiscal analyst Hernst Sprank, of Deutsch Bank Der Bolloks "for sure, there has been a 62.3% rise in the mea...
Read full storyThe End of Capitalism Part 2
After the huge success of 'The End of Capitalism' in 2007/8, Hollywood has launched 'The End of Capitalism Part 2' this week to rave reviews. 'It is just like the inspired 2007 epic' declared film critic Ponsonby Ogle. Rumours that 'The End of...
Read full storyCredit Crunch Continues
The global debt crisis shows no sign of abating, with the Eurozone looking shaky and the US struggling under its mountain of debt. Analyst Connie Mee explained, "The economy is heading for an iceberg, and there's no turning around. It's like the...
Read full storyBankrupt care home sells off old people
A care homes company has begun selling off its old people after going into administration. Northern Cross, which operates 130 care homes around the UK, went into administration this week after failing to raise finance to cover its debts. 1,000 sta...
Read full storyParty Leaders Cooperate To Plan 'The Greatest Depression'
Washington DC -- Congressional leaders on both sides of the aisle have put their political differences and summer vacations aside and are working together to develop what is being called "The Greatest Depression." "The Greatest Depression is going...
Read full storyMarcus Bachmann takes graduating class of 2011 to Bunny Ranch!
Marcus Bachmann, husband of Michele Bachmann, held a press conference yesterday afternoon on the Las Vegas Airport tarmac. He was surrounded by members of the graduating class of 2011 Fix-a-Gay (FAG) School of Moral Behavior. Bachmann, dressed in bas...
Read full storyBoogie Woogie Nights! White House Sizzles, Economy Fizzles; Bam Dances the Night Away!
On the day the US economy sunk to it's lowest levels with a 512 point sell off on the Dow, a race riot in Milwaukee, and 4 teens shooting up a bus in Philadelphia with an automatic weapon in broad daylight, the Rose Garden came alive as the President...
Read full storyTwo very different Student Union Candidates...
Give Me Your No. 1! Well boy, give us your number one for UCC's favourite son, the hoor from the Suir, Marty Kelly boy. Yes boss, 'tis that time of the year again where the college's minister for cool in the department of cute hoorism is on the campaign trail kissing babogs and shooting the shite with the farmers. Well kissing first years and shooting the shite with Macra na Feirme. Politics, w...
Read full storyIsle of Wight News - Weekend Rioting at Puckpool Park
Rioting broke out this weekend late Saturday outside of Puckpool Gardens in Ryde. The riot began with local youths who are believed to have over indulged at the Puckpool Tea Garden after a long afternoon of mini-golf and Pétanque. The two Ryde you...
Read full storyMr. Bean crashes his F1 car because his mini was broken!
Mr. Bean has been involved in a car crash, but it wasn't in his mini, in fact it was in his secret Mclaren F1 car, which he only drives whilst disguised as Rowan Atkinson. He was speeding along a country road in Cambridgeshire, UK, when his favour...
Read full storyMartian 'road-works' best evidence yet of flowing water on Mars
Striking new images of Mars revealing what appear to be hundreds of incomplete road-works littering its surface may be the best evidence that the planet once had the flowing water capable of excusing delays to millions of car journeys every year.
Read full story"I've Got a Brand New Bag!" Caddy Williams Carries Scott to 6 Shot Lead over Tiger in Debut!
Australian golfer Adam Scott, teamed with former Tiger Woods caddie New Zealander Stevie Williams, set a new course record for the opening round at Firestone Country Club leaving Woods in the dust! Williams, who caddied for Woods during his 6 vict...
Read full storyArts Students
HAVE YOU EVER BEEN CALLED STUPID? HAVE YOU EVER BEEN CALLED LAZY? HAVE YOU EVER BEEN MADE TO FEEL INADEQUATE? ARE YOU… AN ARTS STUDENT? Arts Students for Justice is a not-for-profit organisation that gives Arts students a place that they can call home. For too long, these sensitive, poetic people have had to carry the weight of discrimination and hatred. The soulless automatons of s...
Read full storyThe Silence Of The Automobiles
Concerns continue to be raised about risks associated with the silent motion of electric automobiles. In a recent report, Ivor Hardhat, chairman of the International Society for the Prevention of Accidents, highlights the problem: 'Without an audi...
Read full storyTeaching English in Barcelona
Having spent several months teaching English in a rich part of Spain, I certainly picked up a few thing that will better equip you should you decide to sign up for a tour of duty as an English teacher abroad. Hey Stefan, let's hit the slopes! Last one back to the lodge is a LOSER. If you are in a rich school, expect your students to do things like ski in the Alps and ride horses in Argentina. B...
Read full storyUN Offers Qadaffi a Ski Chalet in Switzerland and a Bunch of Other Stuff if he Would just, Like, You know, Fucking Leave
The United Nations has offered a whole bunch of "goodies", including a Swiss Ski Chalet to Libyan dictator Muammar Qadaffi if he would just "fucking leave the country so that they can declare victory and let all the rebels fall into disarray and kill...
Read full storyDale Winton claims "I am the Messiah"
Camp perma-tanned housewives' favourite Dale Winton has controversially announced that he is a messenger of God, and that he has an important message for the human race. Dale was on holiday in Egypt and decided to go for a walk in the desert "to c...
Read full storyP Diddy Seen Salivating Salaciously Over Jennifer Lopez
MANHATTAN - People Magazine named her The World's Most Beautiful Woman and pretty soon Jennifer Lopez, aka J.Lo will also be known as The World's Most Eligible Woman. Lopez spoke with Pico de Gallo of Tittle Tattle Tonight and told him that after...
Read full storyKristen Stewart Explains Why She Took Rob Pattinson's Guitar
NEW YORK CITY - Kristen Stewart the star of the Twilight series was recently seen at JFK Airport holding a guitar case. A reporter for Tittle Tattle Tonight, Tapioca Swizzle asked the 21-year-old El Lay native where she was headed to. Stewart r...
Read full storyJerry Lewis Loses It - Calls American Idol Contestants 'Fast Food Rejects'
LOS ANGELES - The former comedian known as Jerry Lewis is starting to show definite signs of stress. Hacienda Dakota of Hollywood Vis-a-Vis reported that it is sad to say but the 85-year-old Lewis seems to have gotten to that point in time where b...
Read full story10 year old turns in parents for breaking Child Labor Laws
A ten year old boy who was asked by his parent to do a list of chores in return for pay has turned in his two parents. The boy told authorities that he was paid ten dollars a week to clean his room, sweep the floor, and do the dishes. The parents...
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