Party Leaders Cooperate To Plan 'The Greatest Depression'

Written by Michael Balton

Friday, 5 August 2011

image for Party Leaders Cooperate To Plan 'The Greatest Depression'
Pelosi: Congress doesn't know how to give the economy a lift.

Washington DC -- Congressional leaders on both sides of the aisle have put their political differences and summer vacations aside and are working together to develop what is being called "The Greatest Depression."

"The Greatest Depression is going to make The Great Depression seem like a day at the races," said House Speaker John Boehner (R-Ohio). "We're creating the mother of all economic disasters. A fiscal tsunami. A hurricane of financial hurt. It will be huge. And it will be historic."

Nancy Pelosi (D-California) believes that this is the first time party leaders have postponed their summer vacations to work behind the scenes on a collaborative plan.

"Congress has the opportunity to literally change the course of history here, and we're going to put our partisan differences behind us to get the job done," Pelosi said. "This will be the first time ever that a disaster has been planned and managed from beginning to end."

Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid (D-NV) (L) explained that no senator or representative has any practical idea on how to improve the economy. "We're not economists," Reid said. "When it comes to money matters, we do what the Wall Street lobbyists tell us to do. You saw how that worked a few years ago when we handed over trillions to bail them out."

"Most of us don't know the difference between a CD and a CDO," Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-KY) said of his congressional colleagues. "But we all have the desire to make our marks in history. The Greatest Depression is our opportunity to do so in a big way."

The congressional leaders pointed to the recent debt ceiling crisis as an example of Congress's ability to make matters worse. "The entire situation was just an exercise in political posturing," Pelosi said. "But it sure did get the stock market's attention."

Sen. Reid pointed out that the goal is to produce "a more depressing depression." He added: "What good is knowing history, unless you can repeat it on a bigger scale?"

Rep. Boehner stated that the United States must maintain its leadership position in world affairs. "When it comes to fiscal disasters, The Greatest Depression will rank us as number one until the end of time."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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