Shakira and Sofia Vergara To Star In "The Cuties of Colombia Vs. The Vampires of Venezuela
HOLLYWOOD - Lion's Face Films in association with Sand Castle Pictures will soon start production on Bandini Borrapelli's The Cuties of Colombia Vs. The Vampires of Venezuela. Borrapelli has signed the world's most famous belly dancer Shakira to a...
Read full storyBrazen Thieves Snatch Babe The Blue Ox's Brass Balls
BULLETIN: Police in Klamath, California reported that the statue of Babe the Blue Ox, which stands 35 feet tall, is missing its awe inspiring set of brass balls that once proudly hung from the loins of Babe, who along with Paul Bunyon, are the offic...
Read full storyBreton Nears Completion of Cosmic Ark
Special to INS - Liam Breton, who several months ago failed in his attempt to foment a second American Revolution, announced today that he has nearly completed constructing a cosmic ark. Named the Celestial Bunghole, the ark is designed to transp...
Read full storyGoldman Sachs to Change Name to Sacks O'Gold
Special to INS - Lloyd C. Blankfein, Chairman and CEO of Goldman Sachs, the New York-based bank holding company, announced today that the firm will change its name to Sacks O'Gold (NYSE ticker, SOG). The change is in keeping with the firm's intention...
Read full storyUndisclosed Number Of Spoof Writers To Be Awarded Victoria Cross
It's just been revealed that a number of contributors to online satirical website, The Spoof, are to be awarded the Victoria Cross, by Her Majesty the Queen in an extraordinary ceremony at Buckingham Palace to be held in late August. The medals ar...
Read full storyStudent wins 37 A-levels
Today, teenagers across the whole of England, Wales and Northern Ireland are celebrating their excellent exam results - or else planning the rest of their life as an exam-failing looter. Scottish teenagers do not take exams, and are judged instead on...
Read full storyCameron Threatens Closure of Independent Fried Chicken Shops - Talk of KFC Conspiracy
In an effort to encourage community wide responsibility the government has announced another round of punitive measures, which according to liberal lefties, risks further alienating those at the margins of society. To deter a repeat of anymore riots...
Read full storyFourth Test: India Celebrate Good Day At Last
India supporters were celebrating this evening after their side came through the first day of the final test at the Oval relatively unscathed. England, newly crowned as the best test side in the world, are bidding for a 4-0 series whitewash agains...
Read full storyA Selection of Bumper Stickers
I'm Canadian. It's like being American, but without the gun. Rock is dead. Long live paper and scissors. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list. The last time politics and religion were mixed, people were burned at the stake. In America, anyone can be president. That's one of the risks you take. Life would be easier if I had the source code. If at fir...
Read full storyLocal Man, Martin Shuttlecock Laughs His Head Off As Ali Bullo Gets Hit On By Gay Russian
Local man, Martin Shuttlecock, today revealed that his long time friend, Ali Bullo, the South coast kebab shop and burger entrepreneur, has been chatted up down the pub, by a gay Russian soldier. Much to Ali Bullo's amazement, not to mention chagr...
Read full storyElvis Presley offers Lady Gaga career advice
Memphis, Tennessee -- The King of Rock 'n Roll paid a visit to Graceland on the 34th anniversary of his death, bringing with him some advice for America's current top pop star, Lady Gaga. "I'm making more in a day as a ghost than most performers e...
Read full storyNHS consultants who can detect cancer a 'myth'
German researchers have moved to dispute recent suggestions the NHS had a raft of cancer consultants who could be reliably used to detect various forms of the disease, saying they were the childlike imaginings of people with a propensity for hallucin...
Read full storyMan Utd to move to Singapore!
Man Utd owners, the Glazer family, are selling up their interests in England and they have already sold Old Trafford to Disneyland. The club will move lock, stock (falling at the moment) and barrel to Singapore where they are to be listed on the Sing...
Read full storyDavid Letterman Says That He Thinks It's Time For Him To Retire
NEW YORK CITY - The host of Late Night With David Letterman has all of a sudden, out of the blue, stated that he feels that it is time for him to retire. He says the time has come to hang up the old microphone and buy that little ice cube farm up...
Read full storyBiting Nails Strongly Linked To Having Short Nails
Medical studies by the Institute Of Stating The Obvious at Harvard University have discovered a shocking link between people with uneven, short finger nails and those that bite their nails. The team of students studied several people over a period...
Read full storyTalcum powder is as deadly as mobile phones
After decades of research the Health and Safety Executive at the European Union can finally reveal that talcum powder is as carcinogenic as mobile phones. There has been plenty of anecdotal reports over the dangers of mobile phones, but little in...
Read full storyHollyoaks Producers Employ Lumberjack For Latest Storyline
Producers of teen soap opera Hollyoaks have admitted employing a lumberjack, during filming of the latest episodes of the flagging TV show. Actors have become so wooden in recent months that TV execs needed to thin out the cast a little. "The p...
Read full storyArmavia Armenian Airlines dumps Gérard Depardieu for taking the piss on rival carrier
Yerevan, Armenia - French big nose and Cyrano de Bergerac actor Gérard Depardieu has had a TV advertising contract pulled following an incident aboard an Irish incontinental - er...intercontinental! - airline. The 62 year-old was enroute to Dublin...
Read full storyKindle Set-Up Causes Local Man's Head To Explode
Trying to set up his new e-reader, an Amazon Kindle, caused a local man's head to explode yesterday. Presbytery Clauswitz, 51, of Lymphnode Acres, was rushed to St Wayne's Hospital with serious head injuries after the incident. His wife, Nancy,...
Read full storyInvestigation reveals filmmaker Tyler Perry is actually Glenn Beck
His movies have made billions of dollars and he is the affinity of lovelorn black women everywhere. At the same time, many black men have criticized his movies as vehicles that make them look buffoonish, brutal and ignorant. That latter opinion has b...
Read full storyBernie and Flavio Steptoe flog QPR to Indians.
Shepherd's Bush rag and bone men Bernie and Flavio Steptoe have flogged QPR to Indian millionaires. The scrap yard, along with fixtures and fittings, has changed hands for 60 million quid. It is believed Bernie Steptoe had to throw in Hercules th...
Read full storyCher Lloyd's 'Swagger Jagger' Utter Shite, Say Critics
Critics across the UK have sensationally branded Cher Lloyds new single 'Swagger Jagger' as 'utter shite', today. People with ears all over the UK took the decision to reveal their findings after hearing the mouthy cow warble nonsense over a tepid...
Read full storyMan Dies In Vicious Shed Related Attack
A man died in a small Kent village last night, after being repeatedly beaten with a border spade during an argument. The man, in his late fifties, was said to have suffered severe head trauma in the attack, which was carried out by his neighbour.
Read full storyPublic Transport Announcements Targetted By Minister
War has at last been declared on constant announcements on public transport. Transport minister Norman Baker intends to have a word with transport providers to bring an end to what he dismissed as "confetti commentary." "Do we really need to be...
Read full storyThe Kinetic King Moves On To The Semi-Finals On America's Got Talent
HOLLYWOOD - The America's Got Talent contestant who has been the surprise crowd favorite of the season is known as The Kinetic King. And he is also one of the few acts that Piers Morgan has not only not buzzed (X'd) but actually likes. In fact...
Read full storyRioting Spreads to Scotland
In scenes reminiscent of recent events in Tottenham, parts of Glasgow have now become no-go areas. Today, ordinary people trying to enter George Square are being stopped by police in an attempt to maintain order. Many of the shops, cafés and busin...
Read full storyRon Paul debates alone; suffers historic defeat.
Next week, at the Reuters/University of New Hampshire Republican Presidential Debate, congressman Ron Paul will be on stage alone, according to debate organizers. All other candidates have refused to participate. According to a near unanimous cro...
Read full storyJay Leno Considering Having Chin Reduction Surgery
HOLLYWOOD - The host of The Tonight Show recently stated that he is beginning to feel self-conscious about his gigantic chin. Jay Leno talked freely with iRumors reporter Ling Chow Rangoon in his dressing room at Studio FU-199347 located on the lo...
Read full storyStudy claims excessive amounts of screen time a good thing
HARFOLD, VT--A study conducted in Harfold State College's boys' dorm Gammot "Goddamnit" Hall revealed this week that excessive amounts of screen time can boost morale in teen boys...or at least not make it much worse than it already was. Of the ni...
Read full storyJack Nicholson Explains His Depression
HOLLYWOOD HILLS - Jack Nicholson has won the Best Actor Academy Award twice and Best Supporting Actor Award once. He has appeared in 64 movies and is worth about $400 million. The noted actor recently sat down with Pico de Gallo of Tittle Tattle T...
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