Public Transport Announcements Targetted By Minister

Written by Ellis Ian Fields

Thursday, 18 August 2011

image for Public Transport Announcements Targetted By Minister
"Our terminating station stop."

War has at last been declared on constant announcements on public transport.

Transport minister Norman Baker intends to have a word with transport providers to bring an end to what he dismissed as "confetti commentary."

"Do we really need to be told regularly we are in a quiet carriage, to read safety cards, to watch our belongings? Why are we warned not to slip, including on bone-dry surfaces, or not to skateboard or cycle in stations?" He asked.

But transport operators are sticking two fingers up at the minister: "Concise, relevant information is something passengers say is important and a significant majority tell the independent rail watchdog that they're happy with the information they get on trains and at stations," said a spokesman for the Association of Train Operating Companies.

"That's the main problem, as far as I'm concerned," says local man, Gilbert Smersh. "These announcements are not concise, are they? Your train guard rambles on and on about your bloody luggage, then the catering geezer comes on and tells you what's available.

"What do you think is bloody available in a bloody canteen?

"And what about those announcements about the next station? 'We will shortly be arriving into Loughborough.' 'Arriving into?' What's that all about? And 'Peterborough will be our next station stop' - it just drives you up the bloody wall."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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