Today, teenagers across the whole of England, Wales and Northern Ireland are celebrating their excellent exam results - or else planning the rest of their life as an exam-failing looter. Scottish teenagers do not take exams, and are judged instead on a caber-tossing contest held every winter.
One student at the Cockfosters School for Boys managed to beat the World Record for most A-levels passed in a single year, by passing an amazing 37. Herbert Swott gained 'A's in Brass Rubbing, Tea Making and Bathing amongst other subjects.
In the country as a whole, old fashioned subjects such as mathematics and speling are falling out of favour, while modern subjects which make use of technology are proving popular. This year 35% of students gained at least a C in Text Messaging, and a similar number passed the new subject "Updating your Facebook Status".
Other popular subjects studied this year include "The History of The X Factor". Another is woodwork, where pupils are told that they need to make a spice rack, and are taught how to pick up the phone to call a Polish carpenter to build one for them.
Languages continue to be well-studied, with 44% passing their exams in Australian English. "Fair dinkum!" as our multilingual youth might say.
For less bright pupils, there are less ambitious options. A whopping 56% of students taking Dole Money Management passed their exams, and it looks like they'll need it.